


Only When It Is Too Late

by Devoted2Snape



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Deaths, Dom Snape, Dom/sub, F/M, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 04:37:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 52,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20790755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devoted2Snape/pseuds/Devoted2Snape
Summary: While a student, Snape’s time at Hogwarts is both a relief from his home life and a prison due to constant bullying. By his final year he is closed off to everyone, walking down a dangerous dark path. A chance pairing with Hufflepuff Sonaxi in his Advanced Potions Class could change the course of his life... She finds solace in the sullen Slytherin as she fights the expectations of her traditional family and tries to escape the arranged marriage planned for her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Would love feedback.

Chapter 1

“Pair up then, but be careful whom you choose. This is your final year, your marks at the end of term will determine if you will fulfill the dreams you brought with you to Hogwarts,” Slughorn bellowed.

Advanced potions, why had she chosen to take this class? _Because you want to be an Auror one day. _Yes, that is why. She looked around the class, none of her closest mates had been assigned to the class, and it seemed that all had come into class with a partner designated; those that had not quickly found a friend. She looked around, seeking another odd wheel to pair up with. _So much for being choosy about my partner, I’ll be fortunate if I get one at all._

Her eyes continued to wander the room. All the Advanced Potions pupils had been assigned to one class, for at this point in their studies so few Hogwarts students elected to continue with the class. Nonetheless, it was the largest class she had ever been in. Yet not one friend, or friendless peer!

Minutes passed when, “Raise your wands if you do not have a partner.”

She raised her wand, embarrassed that she could not locate one soul to partner with her. It was not a total surprise, people often underestimated the intellect of Hufflepuff and while many were happy to be her friend, few would choose to put their marks in her hands. It annoyed her. She was used to it though, her own family, who always sorts into Slytherin, found Sonaxi to be an embarrassment,

“Alright, Miss Singha there appears to be a spot in the back with Mister Snape. Please make your way.”

It was a rather large room and “the back” covered the amphitheater like potions room. It took her a second, but finally she located the young man she had been assigned to partner with. As she made her way to him, she took him in. He was rather tall, pale, a prominent aqualine nose, a mop of inky black hair covered half his face. Her breath caught when she noticed he returned her stare with piercing obsidian eyes. Perhaps she imagined it, he was afterall looking down, as she made her assent, but she could not shake the feeling that he felt strong contempt for her already. She had seen him over the course of their seven years at Hogwarts, but never before had a chance to speak with him. As she finally approached, he turned away, and focused his gaze to the front of the room.

She cleared her throat of nervousness, because he certainly made her nervous, “Hi, I my name is Sonaxi Singha.”

He didn’t look at her, but replied, “Severus.”

“Looks like we will be partners this year!” She tried her best to put him at ease. She wasn’t particularly vain, but she couldn’t ignore that she had a certain effect on boys, and boys who had little experience with the opposite sex needed to be put to ease.

“Unfortunately.”

Before she could formulate a reply, professor Slughorn began. “Once again, welcome to Advanced Potions. This year you will be making some of the most complicated concoctions known to our people, this is no child’s play. If you are unsure of this class, please leave now, some of these brews can be fatal. You will also have a chance to show off your skills of innovation, as you will be challenged to create potions of your own making! Today we will start off lightly, you have one week to perfect liquid death. The potion is located on page 287 of your advanced potions book. You may begin!”

She opened her book to the correct page and looked up to plan with Severus, but he was already gone. She looked around and found him already collecting the necessary equipment and ingredients. Clearly, he was confident and wanted to be in charge. It was perfectly fine with her to follow, so she approached him and asked, “What can I do?”

“Stay out of my way,” he replied monotonously.

_Why is he being such a jerk? Was he angry he had to be assigned a partner_? She did too, but she wasn’t angry! She took a steadying breath and tried again, “We are supposed to work together. If you would like to lead the task that is fine. Just tell me what to do.” She grew irritated at the note of pleading that entered her voice as she spoke. _Why am I like this, he doesn’t like you__, you don’t have to be nice to him!_

“Sit there and let me work. I don’t need help, I need to be left alone and quiet. Can you do that? Be quiet?” he said, sounding as if dressing her down was boring to him.

Tears pricked her eyes, she didn’t know how to respond. She never knew how to respond when someone was unkind to her, deep down inside she was not entirely sure if she had caused unintended offense first. She fought the urge to apologize to him. All she could do to hold onto her dignity was sit down and breathe, to keep the tears from spilling forwards.

Once Severus had collected the necessary ingredients, he came back to the table and began to set them up. He didn’t speak to her at all, except once to tell her to move. Which, to her chagrin, she did. Advanced potions was two hours long and for most of the class she sat there silently, watching Severus work. Bored out of her mind she picked up a knife and began cutting away at some of the discarded ingredients. She could feel Severus’s contempt from across the table as he barely tolerated her presence, or the fact that he would have to share the fruits of his labor with her.

With a quarter hour to go before the end of class, she decided to try again. “Could I help with anything at all? I would like to earn my grade as well.”

He looked up from his work and with a sneer told her, “Then why don’t you start cleaning up?”

She looked around the table, and while her anger rose, she was unable to give it voice. Once again her need to be liked overwhelming her desire to tell this rude, conceited boy what exactly she thought. In spite of his treatment of her, she so disliked being dismissed and discounted, she wanted to him to see he was wrong about her.

She caught hold of herself, got up from the table and began to clear away the mess. At the end of class, each partner was required to bring their final product to the front for testing. Only one person passed, a girl from Gryffindor, Lily Evans. Everyone else failed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snapes perspective of the first encounter and a little after.
> 
> I read a fanfic once that discribed a young Severus to look like Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren and the image has really stuck. So if you need some inspiration putting a face to someone who has been played by such an iconic actor, there ya go!

Chapter 2

As usual, Severus was not asked to be partners. He told himself he preferred it that way. Though somewhere it stung that he was possibly the most talented student in his year, no one sought him out for the benefit of good marks. _Even Lily…_

So when a girl was assigned to him, he expected the usual shy, bookish, homely type. Someone who would quietly do what he said and leave him alone.

Unfortunately, she was the type of girl that if boys didn’t want to pair with her, it must have meant she was particularly stupid. _Hufflepuff!_ Just what he needed. It would be best if she would completely stay out of the way and simply accept the grade he earned them.

She met his gaze with large, thickly lashed, deep brown eyes, as she climbed the stairs towards him. Her lustorous dark brown hair cascaded in waves behind her. She sported a healthy olive tan. And she looked uncomfortable. _Probably thinks she is above me._ Although, beneath the discomfort he detected something else, a nervous energy. He wasn’t interested in exploring _that _much further though, the vapid thoughts of pretty spoiled girls were hardly interesting to him.

“Hi! My name is Sonaxi Singha.”

Great now I have to talk to her. He hadn’t discovered his partner’s name last year until mid-way through the term, when they had to write a scroll together.

“Severus,” he replied tersely.

“Looks like we will be partners this year!” She declared with false cheer.

He felt his insides curdle. _Great she’s one of those types. She wants everyone to like her, even if she doesn’t like you._

“Unfortunately,” was his only reply. Hoping he made clear to her that he wasn’t going to fall for her game.

Professor Slughorn made his announcement and assigned the first potion. He had already memorized all of them. Potions being a particular fascination of his. He busied himself collecting his equipment when she approached and offered to help.

He has already begun to review the formula in his mind and didn’t have time to entertain her “help”.

“Just stay out of my way,” he told her. In his preoccupation with the formula, he felt a sudden rage flare up from the girl and break through his thoughts. He knew he had been short with her and he was ready for a tongue lashing, but curiously she didn’t say anything. He had to continue his training in Legilimency and Occulumency if he wanted to be able to block people’s feelings when he was most distracted.

When he returned to the table, his mind a jumble of thoughts, she tried again to offer assistance. This annoyed him to no end, if she didn’t keep her driveling to a minimum on her own, he would have to shut her up.

“Sit there and let me work. I don’t need help, I need to be left alone and quiet. Can you do that? Be quiet?”

He felt her pride and anger flare up again, but layered right above that he sensed regret and ... could that be guilt? Curious.

He didn’t have much time to examine her mixture of emotions and thoughts. He set himself to work and she sat on the other side of the table idly. He looked up at her a few times, she appeared to be toying with a few of the ingredients he’d had no use for. Stupid, pretty and idle, she will make a great wife to some pompous wizard some day. She would be perfect for James, an object to dangle off his arm. She will laugh at anything he says because she is too stupid to know any better. Lily was much too clever and ambitious for that preening peacock. _They spend more and more time together these days, what could he have to say that would interest her?_ He shook the thoughts out of his head and continued with his work.

Towards the end of the class Sonaxi spoke up again, “Could I help with anything at all? I would like to earn my grade as well.”

He had forgotten she was there, so when she spoke up, her presence grated on his nerves. He needed to focus and the best way to do that was to put the girl in her place once and for all. If she wants to help, he would let her “help”.

“Then why don’t you start cleaning up?” He knew he had pushed too far, assigning her a menial task. He expected her to finally snap. Girls always do, they have no control over their emotions, and then he could finally tell her who she was and what she was worth and shut her up. And while he felt that anger lash across the table, it was quickly tamed and coiled back. In fact, he sensed she seemed to feel she didn’t have a right to feel this anger. She got up, and started cleaning. He watched her for a moment, fascinated by the restraint she showed. It didn’t mean much, but she had managed to surprise him.

They brought the formula down to Professor Slughorn for testing. He was sure he had it correct. He knew from previous years that once the assigned formula was completed successfully students were awarded with the rest of the week off. He was looking forward to lots of free time, he had been experimenting on creating his own defensive spells and planned to use the freedom to perfect them. He was wondering if instead of a swish and flick would be more effective for one of his new spells when he was told they had failed the potion.

_Failed? Failed!_ He stormed off to consider his mistakes. Sure that Sonaxi’s distractions had caused him to mis-step.

In his distraction, he rounded a corner to the Slytherin commons room without caution and ran directly into Black.

“Watch out Snivelus!” his laughter boomed, followed by that of his brood.

He hated how they outnumbered him and made him feel small and insignificant.

“If you ever took your overgrown honker out of your books, you might not have so many accidents!” Declared Sirius Black, as he knocked Serverus’s books out of his hand.

The spectacle drew a crowd and more laughter joined in with his tormentors. Finally he was approached by James, “If he ever took his nose out of the book he would realize how little people like him, and that wouldn’t do, would it?!?”

“Stop it!” A familiar voice broke through the laughter. “James Potter, you are awful! Why must you be so cruel. Come along! What am I to do with you?” Lily dragged James and his gang away from Severus.

He hated himself for cowering, but all he had on his side was superior magic, and in these halls using that could get you expelled. He could not afford to get expelled. This was the one place he was inspired, and in-spite of the current attack, he never wanted to leave. Besides he was safe from his father’s raging temper here.

He looked up to watch his attackers, and the only girl he’d ever had eyes for walk away. Just as she was about to turn the corner, Lily looked back to Severus. She would never forgive him, but nor would she let her new friends outnumber and hurt him.

The next two days Severus continued to make small adjustments to the potion, but was unable to complete the formula successfully. He finally came to the conclusion that the problem was that he was unable to extract the juice from one beetlenut properly. And true to direction, the potion did not work with juice from multiple nuts combined.

He had spent the majority of the fourth day breaking open multiple nuts. They were difficult to cut and none seemed to yield enough juice!

“Can I help?” Her voice broke through his concentration and caused no end to his irritation.

“No!” How could this imbecile think she could help where he had failed?

“For four days I’ve been sitting here and for four days you claim you can complete this task on your own! I would like to help. Just tell me what the problem is?”

Anger overwhelmed him. How dare she imply he had failed when she hadn’t even tried. She could have collected equipment and attempted the formula on her own. She certainly was able to set it up for him! Fine, let her try it! So that she can shut up once and for all.

“Sure, come over here _Hufflepuff_ and see if you can crack this nut. You can only use the juice of one, the recipe states you cannot mix multiples. And if you can’t, you won’t speak for the rest of the term. You will sit there and be silent,” he condescended to her, as he stepped aside.

She stepped in front of the stubborn, rude boy, who had made her feel so small these last few days. Her mood seemed to shift from anxious to jubilant as soon as she saw her task. She looked up at him and notes of conceit and cruelty briefly entered the concoction of her emotions, before a gentle kindness washed over them. He knew then that whatever was about to happen, he would not like.

She picked up the tool he has been cutting the nut with, turned it flat side and crushed the nut evenly. She extracted just the right amount of juice and turned to him.

He was confused and irritated that she had succeeded where he had indeed failed. This was not the order of things. He was clever. He was meticulous. He was skilled. She was a pretty face, with nothing else to offer.

He let his emotions get the best of him. He snatched the tools from her hands, and stepped back in front of his work, dismissing her back to her seat. And while he didn’t know what folly of errors led her to discover the correct method of extraction, he decided to make note of it for future use.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonaxi's perspective of her victory

Chapter 3

She walked into class the second day with a pit in her stomach. Severus had left without a whisper, but she was sure he was enraged at their failure the day prior.

He had arrived early and he was already working away at the table when she arrived. She put her book bag down and tried again, “Severus, can I help?”

“No.”

And once again she spent the class sitting quietly, seething, but staying out of his way and uselessly cutting away at the excess ingredients. When the final quarter hour approached she cleaned up the mess and they walked down together to present their final product. Once again, it failed.

On the third day, she was determined to participate. _Why do I need his permission anyways, he doesn’t own this table!_ She arrived early, collected the proper equipment and ingredients and set it up to begin, when Severus arrived.

He entered the room with his head down, and didn’t look up until he got to their table. When he did finally look up he was surprised to see that she had set up all the equipment and ingredients.

“I would like to help today. Maybe we can figure this out together.”

“No, I don’t want you getting in the way.”

Seething with anger she sat down on her stool and passed the time doing nothing but playing with the excess ingredients. _You’re such a pathetic git, FIGHT for yourself._ Of course, she did not.

Once again that day they failed.

The next day she arrived early and set up the equipment. When he came in, she didn’t give him a chance to dismiss her. She just went to her seat and set about minding her own business when she heard a grunt of frustration. She looked up and saw that Severus was struggling with something. She looked over and asked, “Can I help?”

“No!” He said in his first show of any emotion. He was clearly angry.

It was precisely this break in his facade of cold, calm, collected presentation that finally pushed her to express her own anger. “For four days I’ve been sitting here and for four days you claim you can complete this task on your own! I would like to help. Just tell me what the problem is?”

He looked up at her and with barely contained rage he said, “Sure, come over here _Hufflepuff_ and see if you can crack this nut. You can only use the juice of one, the recipe states you cannot mix multiples.” Then an edge of threat tinged his voice as he said,” And if you can’t, you won’t speak for the rest of the term. You will sit there and be silent.”

He stepped aside to watch her humiliate herself. She swallowed, stood up, and went around to his side of the table. She looked down and glee filled her. On the first few days all she had to do for hours on end was toy with the extra ingredients. She encountered the bettlenut, a particularly hard nut, and focused all her energy and ire at opening its outer shell. When she realized it couldn’t be cracked with rudimentary methods she set about trying experimention with alternate means of opening the shell. Ultimately she discovered that finally the hard shell wouldn’t crack using brute force, but gentle even pressure applied over the whole surface of the shell.

Severus crossed his arms, and looked down his nose at her. Challenging her. She considered counter negotiating, but it wasn’t in her nature to add salt to an injury she knew she was about to inflict. She laid the nut on the table, turned the carving tool to the broad flat side and pressed down with all her weight, until she heard a subtle but firm crack. She picked up the nut and measured out just the right amount of juice.

Sonaxi looked up at him and instead of the appreciation she expected to find there, she was met with a sneer. He snatched the tool from her hand and went back to work. She was wordlessly dismissed. She went and sat down at the stool as he made notations in his text.

That day, they were the second pair to pass and as a reward were granted the next day off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus gets a glimpse into Sonaxi's life outside of Potions Class.

Chapter 4

His pride still wounded at being shown up by the Hufflepuff girl, Severus elected to use his spare time perfecting his new spells. While the Forbidden Forest was mostly off limits to students, it was the best location to practice, and possibly fail, while mastering new spells. He spent the majority of the morning amongst the giant trees and fell creatures that populated the forest.

He returned to Hogwarts in time for his next class of the day. It was good not to be in that odious girl’s presence, even if the reprieve was short lived.

The halls were quiet, as the previous hour’s classes had not yet been dismissed. He elected to walk through the lower levels of the school, a much less trafficked place. He liked the quiet, and the low odds that he would run into James and his gang of goons.

“Stop it!” He heard a girl’s voice coming from behind a door. He stepped out of the way, into a dark corner. The owner of the voice came storming out of the room and following behind her was a tall, athletic young man. If he was correct, it was the captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. And that was his Potions partner ahead of him.

“Come on! What does it matter? Our parents have arranged our marriage anyways, you know it! They’re playing coy, hoping we will “find each other” on our own; but why fight it. Lets get to know each other!” He leered at his prey, as he backed her up into a wall, putting both hands on either side of her shoulders, effectively trapping her. The lust emanating off of him was palpable, even down the hall way.

“Bharat, you said you had something cool to show me. I want to get to know you, but not like this. Maybe we can have lunch together or something?” She pleaded with him. She was no small girl, but next to the towering boy, she appeared helpless and tiny.

The boy took one hand off the wall and slipped it up under her skirt, up her thighs, before she knew what had happened.

She gasped in surprise and discomfort. “Stop please.” She begged, as tears began to fall out of her eyes.

“You’ll like it, I promise. And what better way of knowing each other. Afterall, no one paired us because they thought we would make a good couple. They want us to combine our bloodlines, so this is all that matters anyway. Besides, what thoughts could you have that would interest me anyways?” He laughed in her face, humiliating her as he grabbed her bottom and leaned in for a kiss.

She turned her face away from him, appearing to accept what would come next.

_Why is she such an imbecile? Why won’t she fight back?_ Severus wondered. He didn’t want to get involved, but in a rare moment of empathy, recalled his own lack of action when confronted by bullies. Needing a friend, someone, anyone to stand with him. He pulled out his wand and whispered a charm. A second later a series of cracks came from inside the walls, followed by an explosion of water. The pipes had inexplicably burst and the pair had to separate and make a run for it. The boy took off in the opposite direction of Severus, and Sonaxi ran towards him. Sonaxi ran right into Severus as he stepped out of the shadows, having no choice but to run for safety himself, as the hallway flooded.

Shock and dismay played across her features, before she finally seemed to settle on embarrassment, as it dawned on her that someone had witnessed her degradation at the hands of the Ravenclaw boy.

Sonaxi didn’t have much time to consider the implications, because they had to exit the hallway immediately. Severus grabbed her arm and pulled her outside, where they were safe from the punishing eyes of Mr. Filch, when he inevitably came to investigate the flooding.

They flung around the outside of the castle walls, and both leaned up against the wall to catch their breath. When Severus’s breathing was finally settled, he looked over to his partner and saw her crumpled onto the ground, face covered, violently sobbing, He didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t want to talk about it, so he left her there and simply walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When Monday morning approached, Sonaxi packed her bags with a pit in her stomach. She dreaded leaving the Hufflepuff dorms, afraid she might have to see Bharat and knowing she would have to see Severus. She considered bunking class, but that wasn’t the answer either. She couldn’t let this set her back, she had to persevere.

She took a deep breath, hauled her bag onto her back, straightened her shoulders and walked out the Hufflepuff common room. She went to breakfast, and fortunately saw neither boy. Her first class of the day was of course Potions. She arrived in the mostly empty room early and she was the first to her table. Her heart beat wildly. _Did he help me? Or did he just watch? Should I ask him? Or should I just thank him? Or should I not mention it? I don’t have to mention it, I didn’t do anything wrong! _She thought to herself miserably, as her anxiety only increased with every passing second.

When Severus finally arrived, he simply took his seat at the table, took out his books, parchment and quill and faced forward, waiting for class to begin. He did not acknowledge her with a look, or word.

Sonaxi cleared her throat, and before she could decide what to say, she began to whisper to him,”I know you probably think I was stupid to go down into the hallway with Bharat alone. I swear if it was anyone else, I would never have done it. We have known each other since we were children, our families vacation together. I am sure you heard him mention that we are unofficially betrothed. I never thought he would do something like that. He asked me to come down because he wanted to show me something “brilliant”. I didn’t know what to do, I was so scared. I wanted him to stop, but I didn’t want him to get in trouble. I I just kept thinking how I was going to explain this to my mother… Anyway. Thank you for helping me.” She said, trying to hide the tears threatening to fall free. She didn’t need anyone knowing about this.

He sat there silently, but the set of his shoulders indicated that he heard everything.

Just then Professor Slughorn took his place at the podium and began the week’s lecture. Then he assigned their potion.

“Gather the equipment, I will gather the ingredients. You don’t know how to pick the right ones, you did an awful job last week when you set up the lab,” was all Severus said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape grows to tolerate Sonaxi, Sonaxi grows to care about Snapes opinion.

Chapter 6

Over the next few weeks, Sonaxi become increasingly aware of her partner’s brilliance. While she was fairly talented in potions, it was clear she could not hold a candle to his ingenuity and adaptability. And she often struggled to perform under pressure, such as that of her rather impatient partners judgmental eye. She had initially allowed him to take control because she had no choice, but eventually she came to appreciate that she would learn more by assisting and watching, than she would from simply following the steps outlined in their text book.

Severus continued to be dismissive and haughty, but tolerated his partner well enough. After the small outburst the second week of classes, she learned to limit her conversation to matters pertinent to the task at hand.

Following the disaster of the first week, Severus redoubled his efforts to be familiar with every potion, often seeking out the Potions Professor with his many questions. For his part, Slughorn was helpful and attentive, though, not overtly interested in Snape, who came from no one and appeared to be no one. Severus was invited to dinners at the Slug Club due to his undeniable abilities, but was not sought out by either the professor, or other students, during the dinners.

Months passed in this manner. Severus continued to excel in all his subjects during the day, pined for Lily at night, and avoided being seen in public as much as possible. The only time his Potions partner occupied his thoughts was when she was sitting next to him. He begrudgingly admitted to himself that she was more than lusterous hair, full lips, big doe eyes and a pleasing figure, but not much more… His ability to tolerate her increased in proportion to how few days a week he was required to work with her on a given potion.

Christmas break was approaching and with it the dread of returning home to his volatile father. This time of year brought on a multitude of anxieties for Severus and he was often distracted.

The Yule Ball was to be held this year, as the Triwizard Tournament was currently being hosted at Beaux batons. This, however, did not lend to his worries, as there was no question he would not be attending…unless, if by some comedy of fate, Lily would agree to escort him.

As it were, Lily, would most certainly not be attending with Severus, as she had accepted James Potter’s invitation to escort him to the ball. Severus never expected to ask Lily, and was sure she would attend the ball with some arsehole or another, _but James_… He knew that they were spending increasing amounts of time together, _but James…_

Severus was peripherally award of his partners growing affections toward him. He had most certainly risen in his Potion’s partner’s esteem. It was not a pleasant part of herself, but she was aware of her own proclivity towards those who reject her. She had a drive to please them, to show them she was worthy of their respect. And she knew this was the foundation of her growing infatuation with her Potion’s Partner. She wanted, nay needed, him to see that she was not useless, stupid, vapid, annoying… She also knew, boys were not immune to her charms, though they may pretend to be, and she made an effort to be particularly pleasing to her partner when he arrived to class over the course of the semester.

As the Yule Ball approached, she had no shortage of suitors, the most persistent of whom was the lascivious Ravenclaw boy. As his overtures grew increasingly ardent, her other suitors backed off and secured alternate partners for the ball. She had no intention of going with someone she felt so wholly unsafe with, and it came to be that a week before the Ball, she worked up the courage to ask her partner. As it happens, she chose the very same day Severus discovered that the object of his own affections was to attend the ball with his torturer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!

Chapter 7

It was the Monday before the Yule Ball, which was to be held that Friday. The following day, all the halls of Hogwarts would rapidly empty, as students dispersed to their homes for the Holidays. Sonaxi was nervous, as she had made up her mind to ask Severus, knowing that the most likely outcome would be that he would deny her. As class approached its conclusion, and the potion was turning out to be a success, she still had not worked up the courage. She desperately considered buying herself more time by sabotaging the potion. That would not do. For one, it was clearly important to Severus to not only do well in class, but also do better than the other students in class. He would never admit it, but he fed his sense of self, and she did not want to knowingly interfere with his pride. Second, it was unlikely that Severus would forgive her by the following day and accept her invitation to the ball, if she did sabotage the potion.

As the minutes ticked on, she took a deep breath and said his name, “Severus?” He continued with his work, and she realized she had barely whispered it and was forced to start again. For a second, she considered that, as he had not heard her, she could just as easily back out and not go to the ball at all. Yet, she wanted to participate in the revelries, and she wanted to be next to this mysterious boy in a setting where he might let her in, and possibly understand her better.

She cleared her throat, “S-Severus?” she managed after a false start. She got his attention that time, as he looked up expectantly.

A blush rose up in her cheeks and she averted her gaze for a second, before meeting his again. He was waiting for her to speak, and growing impatient. It was now, or never.

“Have you a partner for the Yule Ball?”

Irritation crossed his features as he coolly replied, “It is none of your business.”

She chewed on her lower lip, knowing now that not answering her question was a way he exerted control over her. She made a choice to carry on.

“It is just that… What I mean is that… I don’t… have a date I mean…”

Silence. He merely stared at her, waiting for her to get to the point. Irritation roiled off him.

“I was wondering, if you haven’t asked anyone yet, would.. well could we go together?”

Perhaps for the first time in their acquaintance, he had no quick, sharp retort. He just continued to bore into her eyes, attempting to discern any deceit or malicious intent. He had grown stronger in his Legilimens skills as of late, and was sure that if she was attempting to set him up for humiliation he would be able to tease it out. No such scheme presented itself.

Then it occurred to him, he was actually considering her invitation. Lily was clearly not available, and he would have to go home for 4 weeks of misery, why should he not attempt to have some fun before he returned to his personal hell? Was his partner the ideal companion? Perhaps not. And yet, there was no denying she was a beauty, and as she had no obvious plan to make a mockery of him for her personal entertainment, no one should question his attendance.

And a third, quiet, desire burned in his heart. He wanted to make Lily jealous. He wanted her to see him with someone else. He wanted her to feel the loss of their friendship, of his affections. He wanted her to reconsider what she was doing with James.

Sona waited, nervously, for him to answer. She had considered that he might deny her, but to stand there, boring into her eyes, incredulously, she felt an immense amount of shame. _Apologize! He is upset_.

“Severus? Severus! I should not have asked. Of course, you wouldn’t… I know you have more important matters to attend to before you leave on Saturday. It was truly stupid of me… ” She looked away, chastised for her forward behavior.

“I do have things I wanted to get done before we left for the term... but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt… Meet me by the main entrance at 7 then?”

“Truly?”

“Yes.” His answer punctuated with an undercurrent of regret. How was he to spend a whole evening with this… Hufflepuff?

“Sorry! I mean, yes, 7, then…”

Their work was complete, and as had become common, their formula was a success. They were dismissed from class for the remainder of the week and semester.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where I make a feeble attempt to vindicate every generation of South Asian Harry Potter Reader/Viewer who has felt offense at Padma and Parvati Patil's Yule Ball outfits.

Chapter 8

On the morning of the Ball, the girl’s dormitories in all the houses were a den of frenzied energy. Sonaxi did not know what to wear, how to do her hair, or how to manage her family’s wrath. It had been expected by her over bearing mother that she would attend with Bharat. When she refused his invitation, he made a point to send an owl to his parents, who immediately informed _her_ parents of their wayward daughter. But that was a matter to be sorted out in the morning, and she would put it out of her mind for now.

Except… as usual, disappointing someone could never truly be put out of her mind. She ruminated over how to explain to her parents why she had done what she had done, without admitting what Bharat had tried to do to her… She simply could not. They were traditional, they would have blamed her for going with him alone, they might also try to push for an official engagement to save face.

She forged on with her plans. Her family was wealthy beyond imagination, and she did not lack for beautiful clothes. She had her pick of gowns to wear. In fact, she had so many, that many of her friends were donning her rejects tonight. If her friends were surprised by her choice of date, they chose not the be vocal about it.

Ultimately, she settled on an emerald green sheer saree, adorned with twinkling black crystals, over a silkened bikini style black blouse. She pulled her hair back in a low nape chignon, and applied the barest dusting of blush, lined her eyes, and applied a red lipstick, just this side of pink. She hung from her ears black stone, chandelier earrings, and fastened a silver chain with a matching pendant. She wanted Severus to be pleased with her choices in color, and she would not object, she smirked to herself, if he enjoyed the view of her full breasts and small waist on display.

Something about getting dressed up for this surly, withdrawn boy, aroused her. She wanted him to want her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins...

Chapter 9

Severus waited at the bottom of the stairs in the main hall at the appointed hour. He had the acute displeasure of watching James greet Lily and enter the great hall arm in arm. It annoyed him that perfect James, with the wealthy parents had perfectly tailored, brand new dress robes. His own were new this year, but he had no proclivity towards fashion. They were simply black and finely tailored. Fortunately, as his choices would imply, he was not particularly particular about his clothing, and he didn’t pay it anything but passing annoyance.

As he openly glowered at their union, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find his date. His mind was otherwise occupied at first, but eventually he could not help taking in the sight before him.

He felt intense attraction and stimulation in the parts of his body that he had long felt he was above acknowledging. Lily aroused his mind, and heart, but Sonaxi had a way of arousing his desires. He had often felt it, but tried to ignore it. Tonight though, it was not possible to ignore his feelings. He felt an uncontrollable urge to ripe her clothes off and …. _Stop this right now!_ He forced himself to abandon that train of thought. He was not some hormonal teenaged boy, who could not control himself around a girl. He knew she had noticed, he felt the victory off of her suffocating the air around them. Then he caught an image, most decidedly not his, of his hand on the warm skin of her waist, his thumb brushing the underside of her generous breasts. It was her turn to feel embarrassed, and she turned a delicate shade of pink, before averting her gaze.

He allowed himself a chuckle. Turned on his heel and walked into the great hall, expecting his date to follow. He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed how she so seemlessly seemed to follow him. She never challenged him, she followed orders perfectly and often did not even need to be told what to do before she merely did it. As expected, she trailed him into the hall just as the first dance was set to begin.

Not having expected to attend the ball himself, he had skipped all the dance practices that preceded the Yule Ball. He stood in place, not sure what to do. He understood that one was expected to dance at a dance, but he had no intention of doing that. His plan for the evening had been ill considered, and only seemed to include Lily eventually spying Severus with Sonaxi and immediately spurning James to return to him. Now he realized how ridiculous a fantasy he had balanced this night on. Lily was enveloped in James arm, and he was standing on the sidelines watching.

“Shall we dance?” Sonaxi asked tentatively.

“No, I don’t want to dance.” He understood he was disappointing her hopes for the evening, but he did not care. _Let her go find someone else to dance with if she wants to dance._

He stood on the side of the dance floor for a while and to his great surprise, Sonaxi remained with him. Swaying to the music, but not making a move towards the dance floor. Even when her friends begged her away, she remained resolutely by his side. Some of the Hufflepuff girls attempted to jest with Severus, accusing him of being a bore and not showing their friend a good time. He was in the middle of considering whether he should just leave and let everyone else enjoy their evening, when Sonaxi spoke up.

“I am happy to watch right now.” And she took his hand and pulled him away from the dance floor.

“Sorry about that lot. They don’t mean to be rude.” She offered in apology.

“Hmm.” Was his only reply.

Now that they had moved away from the action, they realized they would have to make conversation. She was desperate to talk to him.

“I am quite thirsty, shall we get a drink?”

“Fine.”

They filled their goblets and moved away from the punch bowls. They took chaste sips of their drinks, while awkwardly observing the room, pointedly avoiding making eye contact. He was amused when she saw her reach under her skirts and pull out a flask that had been attached to a garter.

“Fire Whiskey?”

He had never had a drink before, but he figured, it could only help ease the tension. He proffered his goblet and she poured in a generous amount. She followed by spiking her own drink.

They drank and after some time he noticed her posture begin to relax. Her physical relaxation mirrored his own emotional relaxation.

“So, where are you off to tomorrow?” She asked experimentally, hoping to spark a conversation.

“You wouldn’t know it.”

“Oh. Have you any siblings?”

“No.”

“Will you go on holiday?”

“No.”

“What will you do?”

He hated this line of questioning. It only served to remind him of what awaited him the following day, something he had hoped to forget tonight. He grew irate and endeavored to shut her up.

“I will go home to my witch mother and muggle father. There I will hide in my room, because if I do not, I will be the new object of my father’s wrath. You see, he grows tired of raging at my mother while I am gone and the novelty of berating me for a few weeks is too good to pass up.”

“Oh… Severus.” She reached out to hold his hand.

Just as her fingers wrapped around his, he violently jerked it away, it knocked her off balance. He caught her and set her straight, immediately ceasing all contact at the earliest possible opportunity.

They stood in silence for a few tense moments.

“I will go home to my parents and siblings. We will go on holiday. While on holiday, I will hear about what a disappointment I am to my family. Could not be sorted into Slytherin, never achieved anything of great recognition while at school, and now I’ve refused Bharat’s attentions. He is cross. His parents have written my parents, and I fear that nothing I do will prevent the official engagement they have hoped to announce for some time now.” She offered miserably.

“Humph. Then you will return to Hogwarts and have me for a potions partner. Lucky you.”

She met his gaze then, “I am glad I met you.” She placed a hand over his chest. And maintained eye contact, her chest rising and falling ever increasingly in shorter intervals.

He looked at her, making no sounds or movements, trying to discern what was happening.

Embarrassed at making any overtures at Severus, she blinked rapidly as she withdrew her hand and looked away.

He cleared his throat. They stood there. Neither now willing to continue the conversation, nor necessarily seeking escape. _Something_ was happening, though neither of them could figure out how to move forward.

“Do you think me pretty Severus?” She asked, into her cup, so quietly he almost missed it.

He did not answer, he could not give her the satisfaction. It was not in his nature to offer praise. Especially for a happenstance of birth.

Eyes on the floor, she continued on. “I have often considered sabotaging our potions, so that that we meet with failure and I see you for one more day. I like it when you answer my questions about potions. You’re brilliant! I love hearing your voice, it is beautiful. Being around you….excites me.” She steps in closer, eyes remain on the ground, the libations encouraging her on,” I wanted to wear your colors today, I wanted to please you. I wanted you to find me pretty…I wanted you to want to touch me.”

Her words reignite the fire he felt upon first laying eyes on her that evening. He most assuredly did not enjoy this lack of control. His natural inclination would be to dismiss her, but her words held an unspoken promise he would regret leaving unexplored. He cleared his throat again, looked away and suggested they go refill their goblets. He did not wait for her acquiescence, once again merely strolling in the direction of his intention, expecting her to follow. And like a moth to a flame, she did.

“…kissed her right on the floor he did!”

“No! She’s been waiting for him to do that!”

Lupin, “Now that James and Lily are official, how about one of you girls join me and we can share a four top at the Three Broomsticks?” He winked at the Gryffindor girls.

Severus froze.

“Snivelus, didn’t expect you here.” Severus caught the unwelcome attention of Sirus Black. “Come here to leer at the pretty girls one last time before going home?”

Severus turned on his heels, and walked out of the great hall as rapidly as his dignity would allow. In that moment, it hit Sonaxi. She pieced together the longing looks across the Potions Hall at the red headed beauty, his particular hatred of James Potter, his reaction to overhearing this conversation.

Sonaxi was sure Severus would want to be alone in this moment, but it was not in her nature to let someone suffer alone. She followed after him, and saw his robes disappear around corner after corner, until she finally found him in the carriage house. He had ascended a short set of stairs in the back and was seated on a bench. His knees spread, as his forearms rested on either thigh, and his head cradled in his hands.

“Severus…?” Sonaxi called out.

“Go. Away.”

Sonaxi pushed on and said, “ I was worried about you. You left so quickly.”

“No. I am done with the evening and I was growing tired of your school girl crush. You think what you feel is special? It is not. I want to be left alone…particularly by you.”

“Oh.” She whispered, taken aback at the reckless cruelty. Even as she was sure her confession was not a contributing factor to his flight.

A glutton for punishment, she went to sit next to him. He did not object. She reached a hand for his cobalt hair. This finally triggered him to jerk upright and grab at her wrist. He crushed it in his hand, as he bore into her eyes. His anguish and rage a physical force, being pushed into her mind.

“Ow! You’re hurting me Severus.” She arched into him, in an attempt to use her weight to force him to release her wrist. It did not work.

“I said go away.”

“You can talk to me Severus. I am your friend.”

“Friend?” He sneered. “A few moments ago you were confessing how wanton you are for me, and now you want be my friend?” He scoffed.

“Can’t I be both?” She asked, ignoring the insult.

Something about her smallness next to him, her earlier admissions, the way the shoulder of the sari slipped off to reveal just how small her top actually was, her struggle against him, woke a dormant monster.

“No. I don’t need a friend… but I could use _comforting_.” He declared coldly.

“Severus! What are you doing?”

“You wanted me to touch you right?”

He looked right into her eyes and he didn’t need to read her mind to see the moment she decided to let it happen. She stopped resisting him and whispered hoarsely, “Yes.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay... here we go. My first time writing smut. I am so nervous.

Chapter 10

He was inexperienced, as it was clear so was she; but they let their instincts guide them and she had proven to be a worthy dance partner in all other aspects of their interactions. She followed his lead seamlessly. Pliant beyond expectation.

She looked away and he demanded that she look at him, so she did. He looked into her mind and he read her submission, her willingness to please, and her fear. She saw his domination and aggression and it shocked her to feel excitement begin pooling in her belly.

She felt his member grow against her legs. Truth be told, she did not know of its size in relation to other men. She had only ever felt another boy’s excitement once, and she tried very hard to forget that time in the corridor.

As soon as the thought of Bharat crossed her mind, Severus hesitated. “I will only ask you once, do you want me to stop?” He gritted through his teeth.

“N-no,” she whispered breathlessly. This was not the same. She wanted this.

As for Severus, he had no desire to be patient with her. He wanted to cast out his disappointments. The first time he took her it was hard and fast. Before she knew what was truly happening, he had shoved her skirt up to her waist and pulled himself out of his trousers. Using his knee to push her legs apart, he pulled her underwear aside and explored her molten core with his hands._ Wet, she is so wet, and warm, and soft._ He continued until he found the entrance he sought. He lined himself up, and pushed in all at once. The sudden invasion brought tears to her eyes. He made no attempt at gentleness, he was in her, and he wanted to relieve himself of his frustrations. Her pain and discomfort only served to encourage him to set a brutal relentless pace.

“Sev…verus. Please I need a moment.” She whimpered.

He initially ignored her. Instead he grabbed her jaw, turned her face to him and told her to open her eyes. Watching the tears trail down her perfect face only served to ignite his cruelty. Somewhere deep in his soul, he knew wanting her to hurt was wrong, but he enjoyed the pain he brought her in that moment. She was too beautiful, too privileged, too much of all the things he had been denied in life to deserve his help in enjoying this. She was also not to blame for his pain. She had offered her admiration and comfort, something no one else had done for him. And so, he willed himself to slow down, giving her a moment to recommit to this course and her body a chance to adjust.

_What am I doing?_ Sonaxi knew that she should not want to do this, but she could not deny that she was not ready to stop whatever was happening just yet. She trusted that he would not hurt her if she asked him to stop. And at 18, she had become increasingly desperate to experience what so many of her girlfriends promised was an amazing feeling.

She had made many fruitless attempts at satisfying her body’s needs laying in her dorm room. She knew it could feel so good. She had been told by her closest friends how good it could feel. Unfortunately, she could never take herself over the edge. She could never relax. The closest she had ever arrived at climax was when she started to imagine how pleasing the ministrations of her potions partner might feel. In her schoolgirl fantasies he was gentle, sweet, caring, doting. These musings never led her to climax though, and she would chase her pleasure without success until her body, growing tired and frustrated, would dry up and she would go to bed unsatisfied. She wanted to know what it felt like, she wanted to be with this boy…

She looked up at the boy who had increasingly become the object of her self-discovery in the middle of night, she wanted him and she wanted this to happen, she finally let go. This was no longer in her hands. He was in control of her. He was in control of her body. He would take what he wanted and give what he wanted and she felt sure that was what she needed. She could not do it on her own.

Even as he focused on chasing his pleasure, Severus picked up on the change in her mind. The moment she went from doubting her actions to total consent, her whole body relaxed under him. Her eyes closed. She reverently took his name “Severus…please.”

He looked down at her, astounded by her willingness to let him use her body as he was. She arched her back and lifted her legs to hook around his hips. She pulled her hands out from between them and grabbed onto his biceps._ It still hurt, but the pain felt... good?_ The pain felt real. She would feel the soreness he left behind, inside her for a while, and this thought only encouraged her on to find the right angle of her own hips under him.

As he ground into her, mesmerized by her transformation in mind and body, he felt his climax building. She found a position that allowed his pelvis to grind into the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs. Today, with this man buried inside her, her body finally had something to grip onto as her own pleasure built.

“Do you want me to pull out?” He asked in his sonorous voice

“No.” She whispered. And that was her undoing. The mere idea of the evidence of his pleasure inside her set her over the edge.

Her first orgasm rocked her body. It was powerful, it sucked the breath out of her and made her vision go fuzzy.

Her excitement at wanting his cum inside her shot through Severus’ mind who, also encouraged by the image, finally felt his release. He grabbed her ass and buried himself as far as he could, and let go. He collapsed into Sonaxi’s neck breathing deeply to catch his breath.

In spite of her own orgasm, she comforted Severus as he came down from his. She ran fingers down his back and mindlessly thanked him as her body settled from her own climax. He felt her subtle embarrassment and internal battle at expressing her gratitude, but he knew it was genuine.

They stayed like that for a minute, until he pushed himself up on his elbows and pulled his semi-hard member out of her. Upon sitting up, he glanced down at the juncture of her thighs and in the light provided by the moonlight, saw his seed pouring out this beautiful girl, mixed with the pink tinge.

He had made her a woman tonight…

Like a rogue breeze catching a dying ember, he was reignited. He reached up and pulled the straps of her top down. In one fluid motion, he pulled her off the bench, turned her and bent her over it, pulled down her panties to her knees, kneeling her on the floor. He took her from behind.

This time she was totally caught by surprise and tried to pull away in confusion. The tight grip he had on her hip was unbreakable and she could not get away from him as he fucked her back onto his cock. He had more control over himself, having just spent his lust not two minutes prior. He had felt previously how embarrassment, humiliation, shame, excitement and gratitude mixed for her and so he leaned over and whispered in her ear, “You are going to thank me for this too. I am going to use you. You are going to have to explain to everyone who ruined you. In the carriage house nonetheless. Don't worry, I will make you feel good though, I saw how you ached for attention right…here…”

He reached under and ran a finger over her clit, sending a shock through her. It was too sensitive from her first orgasm. She whimpered, she did not know if she could handle it, when he made a second pass over the sensitive nerve endings. She begged, “I cannot, it is too much…” He did not stop though. She would see that she could because he _willed_ it.

So, he attacked her pleasure relentlessly and he pumped himself into her. He lasted much longer this time, and that granted him the opportunity to make sure he forced her to cum. She begged him to stop, but he knew what she needed. And she made very little effort to actually stop him, or get away.

Raw electricity fired through Sonaxi’s body. It was truly too sensitive, and yet, she did not want to deny him. She could endure this for him. He needed it right now. Her mind too was somewhat more clear as she vaguely considered her motivations. He was ignored by the girl he clearly loved and about to return home to a place he felt suffocated and attacked constantly.

_You. Can. Do. This. For. Him._

Had he been actively reading her mind in this moment, he would have left her right then. He did not need her pity, but he was otherwise occupied.

This time, when she came, the orgasm was less intense, and felt like her clit had been set on fire. He heard her whimper, felt her walls convulse, but it was the clearing away of the swirling emotions and total blanking of her mind that alerted Severus to her climax.

He laid his forehead on her shoulder and he whispered “good girl” into her ear. Her blanking mind latched onto the praise and hot tears of joy fell down her face. Severus reached a hand forward and wiped away her tears. “Now I am going to cum in your tight pussy again. You’ll be leaking my pleasure for weeks after I’m done with you.”

He assumed a prone position behind her and hammered into her. Driving himself to the hilt each time, halting, before pulling out maddeningly slow, almost completely, and repeating. He enjoyed the sight of himself disappearing inside her and the little gasp she gave every time he drove himself home. He continued to luxuriate in this new found pleasure between her thighs for some time before his pace became less controlled and erratic and he became determined to chase his release.

Severus came hard, and immediately pulled out after filling Sonaxi with him cum. Once again he relished in the vision of his essence leaking down her thighs.

They both remained in their positions, her bent over the bench, head resting on her arm and him kneeling behind her for sometime. Neither of them trusting their legs to move.

Finally, Severus made the first move. He pulled himself together and then helped Sonaxi up to her feet. He set her skirts as right as he could, pulled her blouse into place and told her to fix the complicated wrappings of her saree. She tried to do as she was told, but she could not walk just yet.

He told her to take a seat, but the soreness had finally settled in and she could not sit comfortably. He smirked to himself and offered the bale of hay in the corner instead. She sat there and even though it was uncomfortable, it was her only choice. She leaned her head up against the wall and closed her eyes. She felt blissful. The tenderness between her legs made her happy and she hoped it would never go away, though it was inconvenient.

The flush in her cheeks, the rising and falling of her breasts, the softness of her lips, as she lay there unawares aroused Severus again. He was annoyed at his body’s reaction to her, but he could not deny that he may never enjoy the pleasure again after tonight. He certainly would not for a month.

She felt the strap of her top fall away and his hand cup her breast. She lazily opened her eyes as his luscious lips descended on her nipple, while he worked the other with his hand. She allowed his attentions, but as his hand began to snake its way under her skirts, she jerked back. This time, her protestations were decidedly authentic.

“No Severus, I will die. It is too much, it hurts something awful! Please don’t make me.”

The way she said that last sentence, he knew, she did not feel compelled against her will. Only that if he willed it, she would try. He didn’t know about women’s anatomy enough to insist she submit. He did not wish her to be permanently damaged somehow, and he knew that this pain was different from the previous pain she was made to endure for his pleasure.

He ceased his caressing and stepped away. Immediately, he was overwhelmed by her regret and shame. “Wait,” she whispered, “I can do something else…?”

He was in the middle of adjusting his cuffs. At her unfinished though he cocked an eyebrow, “What?”

“Some of the girls say that they take their boyfriends in their….in their…”

“In. Their. What?”

“Mouth.” She said barely audible.

His nostrils flared, as he stood straight and looked down his nose at her. There she was, breasts out of her top, looking up at him nervously, and he could have her on her knees if he chose.

“Kneel.”

She did, right at his feet. That alone served to strengthen his erection. She met his gaze the whole time and looked up at him, expectantly.

“Go on then.”

She reached up to feel the pillar growing inside his pants. Carefully opening his trousers, she reached in with her hands. She was able to easily work his manhood with her hands, as his dick was still wet from being inside her. She made no move to put him in her mouth and he grew impatient.

“Suck.”

She rose off her heels, and opened her mouth. Her luscious lips wrapped around the head of his penis, but went no further. She bobbed uselessly, and it only served to drive him mad. He needed more stimulation.

He grabbed the gathered hair at the nape of her neck and pushed himself further into her mouth. She gagged initially, so he let up, and when she seemed to relax he pushed back in. He fucked himself into her mouth.

“Can you taste yourself on my dick?” he asked as he reached to grab a handful of one of her generous breasts.

Her eyes flew open, and he saw tears had formed from his harsh handling of her.

Though, as a matter of principal, he hated feelings, he felt her tears only contributed to his arousal. She did not complain, she only let them fall silently and allowed him to use her how he pleased. She did it here tonight and she has done such in their work together.

It took him a while, but he did finally manage to cum. He burst into the back of her throat. He emptied himself and withdrew from her mouth.

She remained on the floor, looking up at him, with a mouthful of his cum bubbling her cheeks.

“Swallow.” He sneered.

Her face registered her surprise and shock, but she did what he demanded. She swallowed and immediately after gagged, but swallowed again.

“Stand up.”

She had regained some sense and strength in her legs and she stood easily.

“Fix yourself.”

She shyly adjusted her clothes. When she was decent she looked at him.

He stared at her and she stood there waiting for his next directive.

When none came, she made to reach for him, but he merely turned on his heels and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I hit the right note. I want to convey that they both have expectations of sex, or at least Sonaxi does. And she is very surprised to discover that what she is enjoying is not what she has been told is "right". She is confused, but not turned off.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout.

Chapter 11

Sonaxi sobbed into her pillow well into the night. She fell asleep from the exhaustion of unwarranted heart break. She woke up, and for a moment all was well, until she recalled the intensity of her first time with a man and the rejection and dismissal that followed immediately after.

_What was that? What have I stumbled on?_ She knew from the stories her girlfriends told that it was usually much different than what she had experienced the night before. And yet, she was not sure she would want it any differently. _Is something wrong with me?_

She could feel the soreness of how he stretched her the night prior. Tears slipped down her face as the memory of his face hovering above her while he overtook her body, of his passion as he took her a second time and his domination as he commanded that she kneel at his feet. She felt she should be revulsed by Severus’ behavior towards her the night before, she felt she should be ashamed of her own excitement at feeling as if she was owned by him, allowing him to control her and feeling the rewards of her obedience. She _should_ feel used. But, she wanted more. She had only felt used when he walked away. She wanted him to reach out a hand and hold her, show her that he understood her, show her he wanted her back and the she was not just a slut to him. She worried that is all he felt about her.

With these conflicted feelings swirling in her head, she groggily exited her bed and attended to her hygiene. At which time a new wave of grief over took her. The night prior she had come home, tossed off her saree and fell into her bed in her top and skirt. Now she saw the dried remains of his pleasure on her thighs. She reached between her legs and felt inside her core, she was sore and soaked. She did not know if it was him, or her own pleasure she felt. Taking a experimental swipe over her clit she started to recall the details of the night before.

She had hoped to kiss him. She had hoped that he would be interested in her. She hoped that after four weeks apart, he would want to see her in class…and outside. Instead, she gave him everything, repeatedly. She had been too available for him. He took it, he was a boy after all, but was he disgusted by her? Is that why he left her standing there when there was no more to give? Tears poured down her face as she continued to stroke at herself.

_He thinks you are a stupid slut. He thinks you have nothing else to offer. _

And much to her confusion, these thoughts only served to trigger her excitement further. She kept working at herself, but once again she could not bring herself to climax on her own. She needed him inside her. She needed her body to grasp onto him as she climaxed. She knew she would never be able to cum without him. It was then that she knew she would do anything to keep Severus with her. She would suffer any humiliation he had in store, every sarcastic quip at her expense, every bought of anger and disappointment he felt at others, she would let him direct at her. What he gave her in return was unparalleled and she wanted it, no _needed_, it. 

_Merlin, what is wrong with me? This is not right... _She fell to the floor and had a good cry, feeling confused about her feelings, wondering if she might never have what she wanted, because what she wanted was _wrong._

She finished her shower, changed her clothes and finished her packing. She dreaded the month to come, before she would know his thoughts. She left to collect her two younger brothers from Slytherin as she had been told to do. She dared not tempt fate by hoping to see Severus at departure, though she of course wished just exactly that.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus being Severus. Compartmentalizing and planning and scheming, even as he deals with what happened.

Chapter 12

_Fuck._

As prefect, Severus had his own private dormitory and he was glad more than usual not to have to share his space with others. He needed to think in silence.

He had come with Sonaxi three times the night before, and the memory of her perfectly shaped lips around his cock, her voluptuous breasts, too big for his own unusually large hands, of the warmth and softness of her female form as he lay on top of her, compelled him to take matters into his own hands multiple times after he parted ways with her. He was well and truly spent. And _sore._

_Fuck._

They obviously had not used any protection. And it was not ideal for either of them to end up parents at such a young age, after their first time, with someone they barely knew. In the wee hours of the morning, he used his prefect's privileges to sneak down to the potions room. He located the contraceptive potion, and the ingredients were surprisingly common, and the brew easy enough to make. He bottled and stoppered his concoction, and tried to figure out a way to get it to her before she left for term.

He knew she wanted his affections at the end. She wanted to know he did not think less of her after what she had allowed him to do to her. He read her mind and some part of him wanted to reassure her that he could not _possibly_ think any less of her…_stop you moron_…he was always compelled to seek out the most insulting, antagonistic answer he could think of, _but not here_. He should have told her all the things he thought, she was beautiful, she was the picture of womanhood, she was soft, and warm, and wet, and nothing like the awful mean girls he encountered regularly at school, which he liked best of all. It was not in his nature though, to offer praise where it was due, it stole a piece of his dignity to allow anyone else to gain from him, even if it was as empty as words.

He knew that he would not be able to control himself around her. He knew for a fact that he wanted to repeat what had happened last night over and over again. After he finished brewing the potion, he had half a mind to use his powers as prefect to pull her out of bed and take her to some dark corner of the castle, tie her to the walls and fuck her until she begged him to stop, and once he did, begged him to come back.

_Fuck!_

He could not allow this. He had too many ambitions, and he had no desire to be henpecked as half the male students of his age seemed to be. He _had_ _to_ exert that immense amount of self control he had shown in this area of his life for some time now.

Truth be told, while he found Lily to be beguiling, his fascination with her was emotional and mental. In some vague manner he understood that if he were to have a relationship with the red head sex would be involved, but it always seemed the least important detail of any future he had dreamt with Lily. His drive to be with her was to protect her, to share ideas with each other, to boost each other’s ambitions and become a powerful marriage in the Wizarding world. Children and sex were not a fully formed part of the equation.

Even on the rare occasion he touched himself, it was perfunctory, and merely a tool to refocus himself when he had become too distracted by the needs of his body. Last night, for the first time, his sexuality felt like a living breathing thing. Something he wished to attend to, rather than something he was forced to attend to. And this scared him.

He did not like Sonaxi, he was sure of it. She was not his equal in accomplishment, ambition, or talent, she had rarely said or done anything that interested him; but he wanted Sonaxi under him at night when he was done with his work for the day. He wanted to fill her with his seed and watch as it spilled out her while she lay in his bed trying to catch her breath.

He could not allow this if he could not gain full control over her. He could not allow her to make demands of him due to the needs of his body. He could not let her easy manner lull him into abandoning his academic pursuits. 

He had mostly packed his meager belongings the night before, and he added a couple of items in his trunks, summoned the house elves to manage his luggage and began to descend down the stairs.

As prefect, it was his duty to ensure that all the little brats were safely on their way to their homes before he would catch the train and head home himself. _Home_, he scoffed at the thought, knowing he was leaving his true home, not returning to it.

He stood at the entrance, tediously answering asinine questions from nervous first years and their parents. He was desperate to get away, but as the breakfast hours closed, he knew he had missed an opportunity to slip Sonaxi the potion.

As the afternoon progressed the tide of departing students had trickled to a much slower pace. He knew a few students remained in the dormitories, but he felt his imminent release from this torturous duty. Out the dungeon exited two curly haired boys, first & second year, but clearly related. And familiar…

“Name?”

“Raj Singha.”

“Rana Singha.”

_Singha. Her brothers._ Then from behind his back he heard her approaching. When _in the bloody hell_ had he memorized the cadence of her foot steps?

“Hi,” She whispered breathlessly.

“Sona! Rana and I are hungry! We missed breakfast and there won’t be food for hours!”

He stared at her, as she pointedly avoided looking at him. He would have written her off forever if all he had to rely on was her body language. Though she blushed, she seemed to be making a great effort to pretend she did not see him.

He dove into her mind. He felt her heartbreak at his rejection and dismissal. He saw her feeble attempts to satisfy her body but ultimately conclude that she needed him inside her for success. He saw her thoughts as they rushed through her mind, her desire to submit to him in order to compel him to stay with her. Her concerns that he thought she was a slut. Her confusion at her own reaction to his domination and her desire to obey. He felt victorious. 

He did not smile, but his face relaxed somewhat as he concluded that last night would most certainly not be the last encounter between the two opposites.

Her brothers were distracted in some argument or other. Severus found himself glad to be an only child for the millionth time. He took advantage of the distraction and said, “I have something for you.”

She abandoned her meager attempts at settling her brothers, as she turned to him, surprised he had spoken. She looked up at him, through those thick curtain of dark lashes, expectedly.

_Fuck. Those eyes._

He reached into his pocket and handed her the vial containing the potion. “Its my first time making it, but I am sure I have it right.”

She was confused, “What is it?”

“A contraceptive.” He scoffed, she had not even paid it any mind. “You did not even think of it?” He asked her incredulously.

“Why should I? I have you to worry about these things,” she replied cheekily.

“Come then boys,” she said. She guided her brothers and they finally turned to leave. Just as the trio escaped around a corner, she looked over her shoulder, and walking backwards, eyes locked with this frustrating man, she tossed the potion to the back of her throat and swallowed. Severus lifted his chin and turned away.

_FUCK._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Christmas came and went. Severus received nothing but his father's wrath at his appearance, his apparent lack of fastidiousness, his marks, so on and so forth. Every single quality of his that he found odious he attributed to his witch mother. While Severus’ mother had genuine affection for her son, she was too fearful to interfere, and some small, cowardly part of her, was glad to have her husband's attention off of herself.

Severus spent as much time locked in his room, or away at the library, as possible. He could not shake the images that were left of his night with his potions partner, but he was troubled at how easily she had invaded all his thoughts. He had grand plans for his break, he had potions he was researching, defensive spells he wished to perfect... Instead he found himself distracted by the needs of his body. It would not do to let her consume him thus. He had seen too many of his classmates cowed by the lure of sex, neglecting their ambitions to please their girlfriends. They risked their longterm goals for the quick reward of sexual gratification, abandoning their classwork. They would succumb to the pressure of outdoing each other in romantic overtures, so that their girlfriends could brag in the common room about how much they were loved. All of this disgusted Severus, he had no desire to cater to a girl's romantic notions. It was decidedly beneath his dignity. Though, for the first time, as he fell victim to the obsession of sex, he understood his classmate's willingness to go to the lengths they did in order to secure their relationships. He could not allow it for himself.

He spent whatever time and energy he had attempting to solve the problem of how to gain control over the situation. He considered having another wizard obliviate him, but he felt an immense loss at the mere idea of such a thing. He then moved onto comtemplating more nefarious methods to gain command over their situation. Hoping she had as little, hopefully even less, control than him, he would have her take a Unbreakable Vow of total obedience. If she refused, he would move on. It seemed the perfect solution, but as he continued to ruminate on it he felt there were some obvious pitfalls involved. First, death seemed an awfully steep price to pay for making a mistake, and the amount of obedience she would have to have in order to stay alive was impossible. Second, he considered, her willingness was important to him. He had never been wanted before, being wanted excited him. He could not guarantee that she would continue to want him and he did not want to be with her unwilling.

At times such as these, when his immense intellect failed him, he fell back on old methods of gaining mastery over a problem, he began to read. He found many books on sex at the library. _A Wizard’s Guide to a Witch’s Pleasure_, appeared to be the most thorough book on sex directed at young Wizards, just beginning to explore their sexuality. The other books he found were more attuned to the needs and problems of married couples. As he began to read through the compendium, he felt what he was reading was not descriptive what he had experienced with Sonaxi, or held the answer to his problem. The intimacy described in the book was too…boring, but it was also the only book he could find on the topic so he continued to read, when he found obscure mentions of alternative sexual lifestyles. Though the book did not go into great detail, he found resources in the appendix.

The books he needed were in the restricted section of the library. Finally, allowed to perform magic outside of school, Severus used a series of charms to conceal himself as he snuck into the back of the library early one morning. There he found a book, _A Magical Guide to Domination and Submission_. With his heart almost jumping out of his chest, he managed to divest the library of its one copy.

He went home that night and consumed the whole guide. He was fascinated with the BDSM lifestyle. He recalled how intensely he connected to his own body when Sonaxi felt pain, especially when she gave into that pain. Until then he would not let himself recall his cruel taunts to her, but now he allowed himself to remember how they only heightened his pleasure. And he was sure that Sonaxi responded in kind to the treatment by him. They were not broken though, this was real, people practiced lifestyles that involved this exchange between a “dominant” and ‘submissive’.

As he read he realized he had made some mistakes as well. Abandoning her after their coupling, knowing she needed comforting, was…_abusive_? It made him intensely uncomfortable to offer affection or gentleness to another person. He had experienced so little of it himself, he was not sure he had it in him. And yet, he was not ready to end whatever he had with this girl. Surly as he may be, he did not enjoy the idea of being thought of as abusive. He had to think on it. Could he commit himself to trying?

Towards the end of the book he found a collaring charm. Both partners were to answer questions on what they would and would not be comfortable with, each was to select a safe word, and intone the charm together, to be sealed with a drop of blood from each. Were they to violate each other’s limits, or he to abandon his responsibility as a dominant, or she to abandon her willingness to submit, the culprit would experience an intense state of dysphoria that would only increase until either they uttered their “safe word” completely voiding the charm, or the other chose to release or forgive the malefactor of their wrongdoing.

He felt he had found the solution to his problem. While the book had cautioned readers against entering a magical agreement without careful consideration on the parts of both partners, within a relationship where trust was already established, he decided it was a mere footnote. They would figure it out. He forged on with his ideas that this charm was the best way he could move forward with Sonaxi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep it simple, but I hope I have not done the lifestyle injustice. Feedback would be welcome.
> 
> I would like to note that Severus' flippant dismissal about the importance of trust in their relationship will become important later. I do not wish to convey that it is not important, but that he is too immature to realize how important it is.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sonaxi’s family took their holidays in the remote islands of Greece. Though it was beautiful, she was not enjoying it. She was joined by her parents, her younger brothers, and her elder sister, Anuridhi, and eldest brother Siddharth and his wife Samara. Both of her older siblings had made grand strides in the Ministry of Magic.

When they concluded that her school year was going less than exemplary, all parties began to pressure her to accept Bharat’s parent’s proposal for their union immediately following her graduation. Bharat would be following his father into politics, and this was a very practical and mutually beneficial arrangement for the two families.

For part of the trip, Bharat’s family joined them and she made a point to avoid being alone with him at all times. In fact, the most pleasent portion of the trip was when she was surrounded by both Bharat and her family, for the latter would refrain from outright harassment and the former from pushing her to marry the uncouth boy.

When she was not being pressured by her mother, she found that her sister, who had always been a protector to her, had also joined forces with her parents. One evening, alone in their room, Sonaxi confessed to Anuridhi what Bharat had done to her. Her sister considered it for a moment.

“That is not all right, please know I am not condoning it, but… he is young. He has known for a while that our parents intend you two for each other. Maybe he got excited. Maybe he is sorry…? You should talk to him. Sona, you don’t have many choices here. What are you going to do after you graduate?”

Sonaxi was shocked that her sister, someone who had escaped her own marriage through her pursuit of a career, was counseling her to accept a union she so clearly was uninterested in, even afraid of. After that conversation something between the sisters shifted. Sonaxi came to see Anuridhi as an adversary to her happiness, as she felt the others were. The one anchor she had in the world seemed to fall off her ship. She felt alone and isolated.

In her mother’s generation, there was no question that a girl of their world would wed following graduation, no option for a career. Her mother was brilliant, but was never allowed ambition. Sonaxi often thought how different her life would be if she showed even a modicum of her mother’s talent in the modern age.

Sonaxi excelled in slow, methodical, patient magic, magic most suited for everyday tasks. Brute force was not natural to her, and she lacked the intention for violence, which prevented her from excelling in defensive and offensive spells. And yet, she was the only one who had excelled at the most complicated Patronus charm in DADA class. A charm which required the castor to remain calm in the face of intense adversity, to search deep within and pull up tendrils of deeply buried joy. With the rise of dark forces recently, the spell had been added to the 7th year's curriculum. Sonaxi often chuckled to herself at the irony of the shape her Patronus took on, it appeared as an albino version of a black hooded cobra. Her Slytherin roots shone through in the most unexpected ways.

Sonaxi’s father, as was his way, left matters of the family for his wife to sort out. In fact, Sonaxi’s mother’s desperation increased as it became clear he was noticing her lack of progress with their usually compliant middle child. It was a matter of course that if he were to become involved with their domestic matters, his ire at her mother was cruel. He was never violent, but his demeanor towards her would become cold & distant. His jabs at her inability to handle her children would be relentless, public and humiliating. No one would be in doubt of his displeasure.

She managed to avoid her family on occasion by spending time on isolated beaches, thinking of her night with the mysteriously beguiling Snape boy. She longed to return to Hogwarts and see if the promise of their night together would bear fruit. Would they repeat it, could she turn it into something more, or had he written her off as too forthcoming for any real consideration? He was the only thought which gave her relief from the increasingly limited world she found herself walking towards.

And so they passed the days of their separation. Following the New Year all the students returned to school, refreshed from their break, and ready to attack the second term. Sonaxi knew she had to focus on her studies if she wished to pursue her dreams further, dreams she had not informed her parents of. She brought with her the heart break of her sister’s betrayal, and sense of deep loneliness in the world. And Severus, surly as ever, welcomed students back to the dormitories. Due to some late arrivals, Severus missed dinner that first night in the great hall, much to Sonaxi’s regret. Both settled into fitfull sleep that evening, knowing they would face each other for the first time, first thing the following morning.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Sonaxi was sure her heart would wear itself out with its nervous pounding. She arrived early to Potions, mostly because she was afraid her feet would develop a mind of their own and not allow her to go if she did not hurry. _Oh Merlin, Oh Merlin, Oh Merlin!_ She was about to burst into tears, her breakfast ready to come up at any second.

She dug deep into her mind and tried to find something that would anchor her. _Breathe...._

Eventually the source of her nerves ascended the amphitheater steps.

_Exhale….Inhale….You don’t have to say anything. He left you. He will have to decide now what to do._

Sonaxi made herself busy with her parchment and quill and books and whatever odds and ends she could fumble with in her bag so that she did not have to make eye contact with Severus.

As soon as he entered the room, he latched onto Sonaxi’s nerves. He knew then that she would be amenable to a repeat of their tryst. As he got closer, he noted that she made herself busy, pretending not to notice him, but all too aware of his imminent approach.

He rounded the side of the table where their chairs sat and took his place. He methodically unpacked his bag, reading what torture his silence was causing her. First he took out his parchment, then his quill, then his book. Finally, he set to making notes in his book.

The class proceeded as usual, as if nothing had happened between them. He led their potion, and made only necessary comments to correct her, or request her assistance. He pointedly avoided touching her or looking at her.

Sonaxi did not know how to react. She was sure he would have said something. _HE HAS TO! HE LEFT ME THERE!_ She could not believe that he was carrying on as if she was meaningless but his potions partner. How could he not long to reach out and touch her, she was dying to run her finger tips along his cheek bones, over his lips. She wanted to feel the spent weight of him on top of her.

Class came to an end, and of course their potion passed and they were dismissed for the rest of the week.

Sonaxi was miserable as she left class. Severus exited behind her, and took off in the opposite direction. That was it, she would not see him for another week.

Lost in her forlorn thoughts, she did not at first notice the paper bird following her. It was not until it became entangled in her hair that she realized it was even there. She struggled with it, but finally retrieved the tweet from her hair.

_Under your pillow._

_~ S_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

_A Magical Guide to Domination and Submission._

_Dear Merlin, what is this?_

Sonaxi stayed up all night reading the book Severus had managed to hide under her pillow. Perhaps if she had bothered to pay as much attention to the books in her Arithmancy class she would not be falling so far behind. _Then again I have never been so excited by numbers as I am about this topic._

It made Sonaxi extremely uncomfortable to read descriptions of desires with which she identified. Several times she closed the book and put it away, determined to give the book back to Severus, with an earful of how awful and presumptuous she found him to be. Each time, though, too fascinated with what she was reading, her will broke and she would sneak the book into another book, and continue to read in secret, half scared out of her mind that she would be discovered.

She made her way through the book and she still felt an intense dissonance between what she felt was the right way to think and feel about sex and what she had experienced and enjoyed with Severus.

On the page titled Magical Collaring she spied Severus’ handwriting directing her to look at the back cover. She flipped to the end and there, in his elegant script she found a letter addressed to her.

_Dear Sonaxi,_

_I spent too much energy trying to forget about our evening together. Your face, body and mind have preoccupied every waking moment of mine since we parted. I regret leaving you alone in the carriage house, and now must beg your forgiveness._

_I can never be the type of partner that schoolgirls dream of, but I do not believe it was my imagining that you too enjoyed what we shared the eve of the Yule Ball. Go back to the chapter that directed you here, read it over, answer the questions and think about it. If you are ready to walk down this path with me, meet me in my rooms at 7 pm on Saturday, where we will make our commitments._

_~ S_

Following the letter she found instructions to hidden passageways accessible to the prefects that would lead her directly to his room.

She returned to her abandoned chapter and read what the charm would entail.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Oath is taken.

Chapter 17

That evening Sonaxi steeled her heart and stole into Severus’ room. On the way there, she must have changed and recommitted herself to this course a dozen times. Ultimately, she could not resist the allure of the forbidden. She felt she would regret not seeing this through.

He had not arrived in his room when she entered. At first she felt like she was an intruder, and remained near the door averting her gaze, but she could not resist long before she looked around at his possessions. His room was positively Spartan, limited to a clean desk, well-made bed and some books. She crossed the room and began to look through his books. The titles were surprisingly sinister _History of the Unforgivable Curses, A Comprehensive Guide to the European Purebloods, The Rise and Fall of Grindelwald._ She picked one up, when from behind her his melodious voice rose, catching her in her snooping.

“We must not touch what does not belong to us.”

She smirked, without turning back she replied,”Hmm, I was just trying to get to know a little about the man with whom I am to share my body, and my mind.”

She turned to catch a flash of surprise cross his face before he settled his expression back into the broody boredom to which she had become accustomed.

“What you didn’t think I knew?”

“How?”

“My father is quite an accomplished Legilemens Sev, you didn’t think I could feel your clumsy attempts at invading my thoughts? You must have improved though, or grown bored of what you’ve found there, because I can only occasionally feel it now.”

He was pleased, because he had most certainly not grown bored of what filthy things were going through her mind in his presence. He was loathe to admit it, but he had known for some time that she had fantasized about him, her desire for him had not caught him completely off guard the night of the Yule Ball, though her desire for him over all was still a source of great mystery to him. He did not understand why anyone would want him, without ulterior motives, and he had yet to discover her ulterior motives.

He had already been in her mind when he entered her room. He focused to determine what her thoughts were in this moment, now that she had confronted him, and he was unceremoniously shut out. She wasn’t particularly cunning in this, she did not try to divert him, instead she simply shoved him out with great effort, for it was most certainly not in her nature to have such violence at the ready. With more will, he could have re-entered. Instead, he chose to be silent and wait for her to speak.

She looked out the window, “I know, not very sophisticated. I have had very little reason to practice Occulemency, my father is not interested in what his ne’er-do-well middle child is thinking. I only learned to push people out by trial and error, before I even knew that it was not common for parents to be able to invade their children’s minds….I don’t mind when you’re in my mind Sev, but I do think I want to make it a condition of our, er, “agreement”that you only enter when we are…together. I would like to keep some things to myself.”

Considering her proposal, he stood in silence. She waited for him to speak. He simply took inventory of her, but didn’t move or say a word. It was a blatant power play, she had shown her hand and he had yet to accept her conditions. He was confident that if he waited her out, she would back off her demands, but he did not wish for her to enter their arrangement at such a severe disadvantage. He knew both of them could end their liason, but it was his intention to be the one to call it quits. If he limited her too much, he worried she would resist the restraints and break out as soon as she was able. He did not want that. He wanted to win.

Finally he replied, “Don’t call me Sev.”

Her eyebrows shot up in merriment and she released the lower lip she had been worrying with a hearty chuckle, “I think I _will_ call you Sev!”

He rolled his eyes, he had never been called anything but his name. Why did he like it? Why did he like her warmth? Why was he allowing her in like this? These questions made him uncomfortable, she made him uncomfortable, but instead of pushing her away, he chose to walk towards her.

“Are you ready?”

The smile fell off her face and she remembered why she was there. She was hit with another bought of doubt. What did it mean about her that she was this willing to enter in such an arrangement with a man? She was a good girl, she had always been good, virtuous, obedient, kind, trustworthy, this did not feel like who she was. And what if people found out? What would they say? What would her family think? She would be so utterly humiliated if anyone knew what she was doing and with whom.

He saw the doubt in her eyes, he pushed through her mind to read her thoughts, he wasn’t obligated by an oath yet to abstain.

“I won’t tell anyone,” he said quietly,” I will swear to it.”

Some small part of him felt rejected. Though he did not wish for a public relationship himself, he had did not like that she did not wish to claim him publicly.

She seemed to possess the uncanny ability to know what he was thinking, and not for the first time he considered that she had more skill at mind reading than she let on.

“I don’t know what you want to tell people about us. I don’t want to keep you a secret Severus, I just don’t think people will understand this. And, it is worse for me. They will not think poorly of you, just of me. I do not want others to think I am a slut.”

“I see.”

“We don’t have to call each other anything, but, I would not mind if people knew we were together. Do you understand me Sev?”

“I don’t care, you can tell people what you want to tell them,” he replied. “Are you ready to do this? Or have you changed your mind?”

She took a deep breath, “I am ready.”

He asked her for her list of limits and he gave her his. Then he asked her if she had any additional conditions she wanted to add to their oath.

“Yes, no entering my thoughts without my permission, except when we are –“ her cheeks reddened”-playing.”

“Fine. Now write down your safe word, if you say it, the oath is ended, all obligations are over and we are free of each other. I will write mine. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

The took the papers, he gathered the items needed to perform the ritual, he sliced both their hands with a daggar, and they began the incantation.

Neither felt different once it was completed and both were in doubt of if it had been done properly. They looked at each other in anticipation.

“Did it work?” Sonaxi whispered, as if speaking too loudly would be enough to break whatever fragile oath had managed to take hold.

“There is only one way to tell,” Severus replied. He willed command into his mind and body, and when he next spoke a glamour accompanied his statement, “strip.”

At first, Sonaxi was shocked and offended. _How dare he?!_ She felt no desire to strip, she felt no intention to remove her clothes. _How could he start there?_ Nonetheless, an insidious sense of loss and hopelessness took root the longer she resisted the command. She felt her will crumble and her eyes brim with tears of unfounded grief. Only when she stood to obey did the sensation ease. Only when she removed the first layer did air freely enter her body again. Only when she was fully nude in front of this fully clothed man, did she feel any semblance of joy again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I kind of have a play list going for this fanfic - an inspiration if you will - ill add more as I think of them, but so far:
> 
> You're The One That I Want - Cover by Fang-Lo  
Sally's Song - Fiona Apple (yes the Nightmare Before Halloween)  
Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

Chapter 18

Sonaxi felt uncomfortable and attempted to cover up her nakedness with her hands.

“Hands down,” Severus commanded.

Sonaxi put her hands down, but also averted her gaze, not able to maintain it without feeling like she was going to be sick, or cry, or do something to further humiliate herself.

“Look at me.”

Sonaxi took a deep breath, and with great effort looked at him. He stood there studying her body. She felt self-conscious, this was the first time he was seeing her in the light, what if he did not find her to be attractive? Was she flawed in some way of which she was not aware? She felt a rush of self-doubt. She needed something to happen. She started towards him and reached a hand up to touch his face.

He smacked her hand away, “I said ‘do not touch’.”

She put her hand down and stood there. A minute passed, then two, finally he spoke after a full 5 minutes of staring her down.

“Sit at my desk.”

She went and sat down at his desk.

“Face forward.”

She turned to face the wall and waited while he shuffled around his room. The anticipation of what was to come built in her and she felt tears of excitement building behind her eyes. She felt herself getting wet and worried she was ruining his chair. Her concerns only served to intensify her arousal. Her heart beat faster and faster, and her gut twisted. Her body felt uncomfortably hot, her nipples tightened to an almost painful degree. Her breath came in short bursts. She was sure she was going to fall part right then and there.

**Bam!** In front of her appeared an Arithmancy text book. The unexpected surprise of its appearance distracted her from her arousal. She looked up at Severus confused.

“You have homework, finish it and show it to me when you are done,” was all he said. He placed a quill and parchment in front of her, took up a book and laid down in his bed.

Sonaxi felt dazed and confused. This is not where she had anticipated the evening going. She turned to look at him, waiting for him to declare it a joke, but he did no such thing. She was not here for homework! She was here to be fucked until she could barely walk anymore. Yet, he did not look up from his book and it was clear he had no intention of retracting his command. She waited as long as she could, but the longer she waited, the stronger the sense of despair grew in her heart. When she could no longer resist, she succumbed to the command. 

Two hours later, when it was completed, she meekly declared, “I think I am done.”

“Think?”

“Yes…?”

“And if you are not done?”

She just stared at him, she did not know what to say. She felt stupid in his presence, self conscious at how long it had taken her to complete the work, and suddenly feeling so fearful she had done it incorrectly. _What if I got it all wrong?_ He made it clear that he did not think much of anyone’s intellectual abilities, and she was sure she was not going to impress on this account. Her gut twisted again, but this time, in shame. Recalling years of reproach from her very strict family, she flashed back to the first time she had to face her parents after being sorted into Hufflepuff, explaining her marks on her O.W.L.S. in light of her siblings all Os, being left out of important conversations on politics, or advancements in magic by her family because they felt she could not keep up._ I cannot do this if he is going to make me feel stupid._

“Well let’s see then.” He held his hand out for her to bring it to him.

She handed it to him, “Stand right where you are.”

Sonaxi waited there in her naked glory for this vain, arrogant, boy to correct her work. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life. A flush of indignation pricked at her skin. She wanted to walk away, but the mere idea of disobeying him caused her to panic, she did not think she could withstand the dysphoria that would follow.

_Break the charm then. You can get out if you want to._ Whispered a sinister voice in her had. _No! We just started. What was the point if I was just going to walk away at the first sign this was hard?_

Severus smirked, “Already ready to be done huh?”

Sonaxi straightened her spine and gathered up her courage, “No, I am not.”

Severus flicked his obsidian eyes in her direction with a look of approval and went back to correcting her Arithmancy homework. When he was done, he stood up, as close to her as he could get without touching her, hovering over her menacingly. She felt something make contact with her breast. She looked down, and to her disappointment it was not his hand, but her parchment.

“Very good _Hufflepuff_. Very good indeed. Just a few mistakes that you can correct before you go to bed.”

To her horror, she preened with delight at his praise. He walked around her, smacked her on her bare bottom and handed her her robes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, same time.” And summarily dismissed her by opening the door, making his intentions clear.

She mustered as much dignity as she was able, got dressed and walked past him, “Sure, _Professor_ Snape. See you tomorrow.”

Right as she was about to exit, he slightly closed the door to occlude her from anyone who might spy her from the hallway, grabbed ahold of her arm, leaned into her ear and whispered, “I would tell you not to touch yourself…” removing his hand from her arm and placing it at her throbbing core,”…but I know how useless you are without me. See you tomorrow.” He smirked and jerked open the door, letting her stumble out the door, and back through the passageway.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another song for my playlist:
> 
> Sanctify by Years & Years
> 
> See End Chapter Notes

Chapter 19

Sonaxi came back the same way the next evening, and the evening after that, and the many evenings that followed, until she lost count. As on the first night, she was made to strip, stand there for Severus’ viewing pleasure and told to study this or that. At the end of the study session, he would check over her work, make his corrections, hand it back and tell her to leave. Always at the end offering her just the barest amount of physical contact - a brush of the hair, a squeeze of the breast, a touching of the hands as he handed back her work.

She would go home and uselessly attempt to relieve the tension that had been building at the apex of her thighs, and as Severus had predicted she was unsuccessful in her efforts.

Sonaxi felt self-conscious, was it possible that he found something wanting in her nudity every evening? _How else could he resist a willing mate_, she wondered. She did not know much of his tastes in women, except the one confirmed object of his affection, Lily. Sonaxi began to study Lily in earnest, seeking to unpuzzle what it was in the red headed Gryffindor that she could change about herself to please Severus. Lily was so unlike Sonaxi in every way, she did not know where to begin. Lily was tiny, not just thin, but small in stature. She had pale skin and long red hair. Sonaxi was tall, and though no one would describe her body as unattractive, she was not thin, she was voluptuous in all the right places. She had come into her woman’s body already, with large full breasts, her thighs swole to meet her generous backside. She was narrow in the waist, but otherwise maintained a general youthful tone in her limbs. She began to fear the Severus preferred a more waiflike frame on a woman, and committed to restrict her food. She even joined the Hufflepuff Quidditch team girls as they ran conditioning laps in the evenings. She spent days in a daze, unable to focus due to hunger and then when she arrived at Severus’ room, she felt rejected and re-doubled her efforts the following day.

One evening, when she arrived in his room, as had become their routine, he told her to strip. Perhaps, he ignored it before, or that day was simply the tipping point, he asked her “Are you all right?”

Sonaxi returned his gaze in confusion, “Yes, why?”

“You look so … thin,” he replied with disgust. He noted how her alluring softness had taken on harder edges that day, he did not like that. 

“Oh!” Sonaxi was felt embarrassed, “I thought this is what you liked? I thought maybe you did not find me attractive, that’s why…”

“Why what?”

“I thought that was why you have not taken me to bed yet.”

Severus considered Sonaxi for a minute. He was surprised that she was so disappointed that they had not consummated their bond yet. He was aware of her excitement, but he did not expect her to take it so personally that he chose to bide his time. Truthfully, he wanted her more than he cared to admit. He tended to his own pleasure after she left every night. He chose to resist her for so long in order to prove to himself that he could. It annoyed him to no end that even though he resisted, _he did not want to resist_. A part of him had hoped that his desires would temper itself after being exposed to her naked form, a sort of self-administered desensitization exercise for his sexuality. Now that he came to realize how she had punished herself for his lack of communication, he felt so much more excited. _Merlin, how she longs to please me_! He also felt a great responsibility to right the situation. He continued to struggle to express his feelings, it felt difficult and ingenuine to say kind things to another person. He had been practicing in offering whatever praise he could muster for her less than impressive school work. Though, he did recognize that she seemed genuinely pleased to be the recipient of his praise. He tentatively offered, “I liked your body as it was. If this-”he gestured generally in her direction, “is for me, it is unnecessary.”

Sonaxi visably relaxed. The lack of food was difficult to maintain and a great amount of anxiety had rose up within her to consider how far she had to push herself to meet his standards. Then another worry arose, if it was not her body than what was it to kept him from claiming her?

“Is there something wrong with me Sev? Why don’t you want to be with me?”

“I…do.”

“Then what is it?”

“I do not know.”

She was at a loss. He wanted to be with her, but he did not, what was she supposed to do with that? She felt so small and rejected. She was not enough to entice him, to please him. Her face fell, her eyes watered, as she lowered her heavily lashed lids to the ground. She was standing in front of him, unclothed and he did not want her, rather, he did not want to want her. Which was worse? Being outright rejected by his biology, or being second handedly rejected by his intellect?

“I can leave if you want Sev, it should be fun for both of us. If being with me makes you feel lowered, you do not have to do this just for me,” she meekly whispered.

And it was in her total vulnerability that Severus found his desires finally impossible to ignore. He whom the whole world seemed to wish to be rid of, she found something in him that she wanted for herself. He sighed and stepped towards her. He brushed her soft, full lips with his thumb. Trailing his hand down her jaw, over her neck, tightening his hand just a little there. Her eyes flicked up to meet his and widened in alarm, but she did not pull away. He felt a twitch in his pants at the total and utter trust she showed him. He let his hand trail down her chest, between her still generous bosom, and ghost over her belly. Some primal part of him desired to see it grow great with his child. The desire surprised him, served to increase the hardness growing in his groin.

He laid his hand flat on her stomach and with gentle pressure there, guided her backwards onto his bed. She reached up to relieve him of his robes, but he seized her by the wrists and placed them above her head. Pulling his wand from his sleeve, he summoned restraints that kept her hands firmly in place. Starting from her elbows, all the way down the side of her body, stopping to massage her breasts and pinch both nipples into hardened pebbles, he stopped his journey at her knees. Placing his hands on either side of the inside of her knees he pushed her legs apart, and then trailing his hands back up her thick thighs, when he reached the top he spread apart her lower lips. He got his first good look at her and he could not help comparing what he saw to an orchid he once saw. She was _magnificent_. Just the sight of her made him groan with want. She had removed the hair down there, even though he preferred a little, he enjoyed the unobstructed view. Her sex was red and swollen with want, glistening with her desire. He could hear her breath come in ragged bursts now from above him. 

He trailed his thumb from her entrance all the way up to the swollen hood of her clitoris. And as she let out a sigh, he slipped into her mind. He rubbed the increasingly swelling bundle of nerves and she involuntarily bucked her hips towards him. He felt the strong urge to taste her, to _feast_ on her. He brought his lips down on the engorged nub. When she realized what he was doing, she pulled away and made to bring her thighs back together.

“No! No. What are you doing?”

He forcefully pulled her legs apart again and gave her a firm smack on each thigh. “We must obey, or we get punished, do you understand?”

“Sev, Severus, I can’t I am so embarrassed. Please don’t do this..” She whimpered as she continued to struggle to get away from him.

He grabbed her by the hips, holding her in place and attempted to continue his ministrations; but she was relentless in her protests. He knew she had enjoyed it, but her embarrassment was genuine as well. She was ashamed of her sex, and could not believe that he actually wanted to do this. Hot humiliation burned her cheeks. _Did she taste weird? Does it look wrong? What about the smell?_ She could not get out of her head. She knew she could speak her safe word and end this immediately. It was an option, because this was _too much. _ She did not feel unsafe, but she just could not push past this wall.

Growing fed up, and angry that she would already consider severing the bond, Severus stood up, ceasing all contact. He glared down at her and coldly said, “You tell me how upset you are that I will not touch you, then when I do touch you, you keep me from my pleasure. You do not actually know what it is that you desire Sonaxi! You will stay here and think about what you want. When you have decided, you will either speak your safe word and leave or _You. Will. Beg_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to take a week to work on the next chapter. I think I am finding my stride and I want to include more cultural references, so I need to think about how to tie it in more. Ill update on Saturdays.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Sonaxi lay there in a state of disbelief. Severus walked away, took a seat at his desk and began to do his own school work. She considered whether she wanted this. Actually wanted this? When she thought about her body and her needs and her desires, she wanted this_ oh so badly! _Then her mind shifted to thinking about other people, what would other people say? What would other people say if they knew she let him kiss her down there? What would other people say if they knew she was laying on his bed, hands bound above her head, naked as the day she was born, soaking wet at the anticipation of his touch? They would think she was _perverse_. They would think she was _broken_. And truthfully, though she had read the guide over and over again, she could not fully accept that her desires did not make her in fact broken.

Her thoughts always circled back to one place: What would her family say? Oh, what would the world think of her? Her people still kept the old ways, it was expected of her to be untouched when she entered her husband’s bed. Though it was too late for that, it was possible that she could explain herself. She did not want to marry Bharat, bare his touch, or his children, but it was an option for her future. Her academic professional ambitions were not matched by her academic prowess, she knew that. Severus had been generous with his praise of her work, because when she went back to her room and looked over his corrections, they were _many_. Would Bharat forgive her? Could she explain that she was caught up in the moment and made a grave mistake, one, if he forgave her transgression, she would spend a life time rectifying? Maybe he may not even know and she would never have to say anything. There were options still, but if she walked down this path, the likelihood of her tryst being exposed increased. And, also too, would decrease the chances that Bharat could accept her,_ if other people knew_, he would have a hard time letting it go. She could not deny Severus, she _would not_ deny him.

She considered how the things that hurt her so much, criticism, dismissal, disregard, degradation also seemed to turn her on with Severus. As he whispered those filthy things in her ear their first time together it only served to heighten her arousal. She knew he could not think so little of her if he was _inside her_.

She shook her head back and forth trying to make sense of what all of this actually meant. Seemingly without her own will, her throat let out a pathetic little whimper.

Severus’ hand stopped its work at the sound, but after a pause he continued on. For his part, he was only pretending to do his work, the hardness in his pants made it almost impossible to concentrate. Had he his way, he would march over to the bed that very moment, push the girl’s knee up and open and take her without hesitation. He would use her silken folds to have his pleasure. He had denied himself long enough…_not as long as her though, she has not climaxed since the eve of the Yule Ball. She will beg, she wants this, NEEDS this more than you do._

In the meanwhile, Severus continued to monitor her thoughts and emotions. He considered it a testament to her good character that she had not even thought to outright accuse him of violating her on the night of the Yule Ball. The lie practically wrote itself. He may feel superior to her, but he was not a fool, he saw what the world saw. She was beautiful, somewhat talented, connected, popular, wealthy, why would she CHOOSE to slum it with him when the scions of Malfoys, Dasguptas, and Blacks were available and some more than willing to claim her? How could he expect anyone else to believe him, when he himself had nursed doubts over their holidays whether what he read in her mind was consent or his own wishful thinking asserting its will?

Another unsuccessfully stifled whimper emanated from behind him. She was still considering if she wanted this now, and was sacrificing something much greater in the long term.

He also wondered at her unwillingness to hide him, even if she was ashamed of what she was doing. His humiliation at the hands of Potter and subsequent rejection by Lily for his outburst at her had ironically served to improve him in appearance, if not character. He did not bare the bullying well and he had resolved to remedy the items which were under his control. He had improved in his personal hygiene, he had found a way to fund an improved wardrobe, and the perpetual wall of arrogance and disdain he kept around himself had helped to cure some of the damage done to his reputation. His curses and hexes were things of lore at Hogwarts and if students still discussed his shame they did so well out of his hearing, all except the Mauraders. But even he could not deny just how much it would improve his status in not only Hogwarts, but through the ranks of Slytherin, to be connected to this pure blooded princess.

His mind was so wrapped up in his plotting he did not detect the shift towards determination that hers made.

She took a deep breath and whimpered his name,”Severus, _please_?”

His attention refocused immediately. His feast awaited him and he was feeling insatiable tonight. He did not move however. He wanted her to give voice to all the dirty things she wanted him to do to her body. Things that possibly no witch of her linage had even _imagined_, much less _experienced_.

“Severus…please, please come back here.”

He stayed seated and returned to pretending to do his school work, work he knew he would have to repeat after she left. He could not help smiling to himself, he had won. She was begging, _just not enough._

“Severus Snape! Please, _I am so sorry._ I am so sorry,” she sobbed.

Usually he could not bare tears, especially emotional female tears. It was so trying to offer some small comfort to the younger girls who he found in one drama or another during his Prefect duties. But her tears excited him, he liked her crying. He liked that he could eventually punish her for her weakness.

“Sev, I am so scared. I don’t know how you can want to do that? What if you hate me afterwards. I feel so weird, but…but… I liked it. I will try. Please, I will try if you come back. Come back to me. Just touch me. I cannot come without you, I need you to please help me. I feel like I will never come again! I just want to feel you filling me up. I will tolerate whatever you want to put me through, just please come **over here!** Oh, please let me feel you inside me one more time! I can’t forget what it felt like to have your hot cum inside me, falling out of me, dry on my leg in the morning. PLEASE JUST ONE MORE TIME!”

Oh she begged so beautifully! He finally, slowly, deliberately scraped his chair back from his desk, the sound sending shivers down her spine and slick out her tight hole. He took long, slow stride towards the bed. He stood over her, looking down his hooked nose at her.

“Say please again.”

“Please Sev!”

“Hmm, I liked it when you called me Professor Snape. I _prefer_ that. **Say it**!”

“Please Pr-Professor Snape?”

“Are you _asking_? Or _begging_?”

“Please! Professor Snape! Please fuck me, please come inside me!”

He finally kneeled between her legs and pulled them apart and over his shoulders. He was shocked to find her even more glistening than before.

“Mmmm,” he moaned.

She wiggled her bottom, still clearly uncomfortable with him down there.

“Sorry”, came her breathy apology.

He smirked and pressed his lips against the swollen bud of her sex. She whimpered, but she stayed still.

“Good girl”, he praised her.

He laved her from entrance to the swollen red button with his tongue, stopping to swirl but not directly touch her needy clit. Her breathing had become ragged, but focused above him, and her toes, rested on his back, involuntarily curled in and dug deep into his flesh.

His voice,_ his voice_, wasn’t just a sound to her, it was a sensation and when next he spoke the vibrations that seemed to emanate from deep in his chest sent her on a wild ride.

“Mmmm, do you like that princess?”

_Princess? Where did that come from?_ She wondered. She did not care for the epithet, it had always been thrown at her by others when they wanted to diminish her as a person. The irritation, though, only provided a mild reprieve from the frenzied state that had her worrying that her mind would shatter.

He pulled his mouth away, wanting to look at her. He, of course, knew what a woman looked like, he had access to all the books on the topic, but to have a flesh and blood woman right in front of him, to be able to engage not only his visual senses, but also smell her, touch her, lick her made his desires run wild. He became painfully engorged in his pants, but he couldn’t pull away yet. He wanted to feel every soft fold, the warmth of her insides with his fingers, he wanted to memorize every detail of her sex. He continued his explorations next with his hands. He propped himself up on one elbow and used the fingers of the same arm to ever so gently, but firmly, caress the swollen nugget at the hood of her lovely fruit, and as he did so sweet ambrosia leaked from her red core, begging him to touch her there. He probed with one digit, in and out, slowly, when she seemed to enjoy it, he added another and then a third. Keeping one part of his mind engaged on picking up spikes of pleasure from her, he began to experiment with her. He hooked his fingers this way and that, he thrust in and out slowly, rapidly, intermittently, and eventually found a spot, where, when his fingers curled up and in and he massaged with shallow but forceful thrusts drove her wild. She mewled at his attentions, and moaned her frustration, she needed him. He kept at his task, determined to bring her undone with his hands, and he was sure he would meet success. The more he continued caressing her swollen clit, and massaging the area he found inside her, the more she panted and begged him to help her finish.

“Yes, yes, yes, please keep going. Right there… mmmm… right there… almost there…”

And she would almost just fall over the edge, but lose the sensation right before it happened. As she failed to orgasm for him, her body became overly sensitive and his stimulations became overwhelming and near painful. So caught up he was in experiencing her body, he had stopped scanning her thoughts and did not come to realize how uncomfortable she was until she screamed at him to stop.

“_Stop_! Severus, stop! It feels like my whole body is being stabbed, please stop! Its not working, I cannot come like this!” She bellowed, using her feet to push him away by the shoulders. 

He was suddenly glad he had thought to cast the _muffliato_ charm whenever she entered his rooms, otherwise half of Slytherin House would know by now there was a very active romp going on in his rooms.

He pulled away from her, wordlessly re-entering her mind. He felt her sense of being ungrounded and floating and the panic it seemed to be causing her. He could tell she was trying to pull away from the discomfort of her body and needed the tenderness to ease before she could gain control of herself.

He was at a loss for what to do for her and did the only thing he could think of, he ran his hands soothingly over her body. Starting at her neck, over her breasts, the flat planes of her stomach, over her hips, avoiding the sensitive parts between her legs for now, down her thighs, to her feet and then back up again but from behind. He sensed her calming, and he continued his care until she seemed to become more aware of her surroundings and focus returned back to her eyes.

“Couldn’t handle it?” He asked condescendingly, his tone at odds with his gentle touches.

Her face had taken on an attractive blush as he noted, once again, just how beautiful this creature was.

“It was nice at first, but I don’t think it works for me like this. I-I-I have tried everything on my own, but other than you inside me, I have always failed,” she admitted abashedly.

“I see,” was his only reply. Then after a few seconds,”we can stop for now.”

It wasn’t a question, but she replied in the negative nonetheless.

“No! Please no! I tried, I am sorry!”

_She thinks I am mad at her?_ He reached to comfort her, landing his hand on her hip bone, lazily stroking her lips, but not pushing past to make contact with any of her overstimulated bits yet.

“I am not cross with you,” he said, as he nudged her knees further apart and took his place between them. His eyes roved her body, and he knew that he would be in a world of pain tomorrow if he did not do something about the bulge in his pants _right now_.

As he pulled his pants down, she got her first good look at his manhood. She had very little experience in the way of comparison, but his seemed rather thick and this excited her recalling the last time she had experienced the treat. He quickly focused on her thoughts again, wanting to ensure that she wanted this, truly wanted this.

As if she knew he was unsure about whether or not to continue, she offered her reassurance, “I want to, please Sev.”

Needing no further encouragement, he lined himself up with her, and pushed in. He was aware that last time he had been too rough, and he had meant to take his time, letting her get used to him this time, but his need for release was intense and he promised himself, _I will be more gentle next time._

He was kneeled in front of her, with her bum resting up onto his lap, he placed pillows under her to tend to her comfort. He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of her shoulders. He set a quick, brutal pace. With her hands still restrained above her head, she was unable to gain purchase to stabilize herself. She bounced around until she wrapped her thighs tightly around his lean waist and locked her ankles together, pulling him in deeply.

“Unnhhh!” He groaned, employing his great self control, he did not allow himself to make anymore of the noises begging to escape his throat. He poured himself into her and pulled out and back, sitting on his heels. He mindlessly stared at the beautiful vision of his seed seeping out of her, as he regained control over his mind and body.

After he settled, he released her binds and pulled her into his chest. They fell into the bed, limbs entangled. He pulled her hair back and whispered, “I could not help it, you are so beautiful.”

She smiled up at him and told him, “No matter. It felt good to just feel you inside me again.”

He played with her breasts and thought to himself,_ this is nice._ They fell asleep like that for some time. Right before dawn, she pulled on her clothes and slipped out his room, taking one last, longing look at his long lanky form asleep in bed. How peaceful he seemed in his slumber. She smiled to herself and stole away back to her room. _I suppose it is just as well we will not see each other in Potions today, I have so much homework to finish before classes begin._


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song I kept listening to as I wrote was Silsila Yeh Chahat Ka - you can youtube it if you're interested.

On no special Tuesday what-so-ever, on an unusually warm early spring morning, Severus decided to venture into the Forbidden Forest as he often did, but this time with a very specific goal in mind.

He and Sonaxi had settled into a regular routine. He supposed they were widely considered to be in a relationship, though no one ever bothered to ask him. He did get a lot of pats on the back from his housemates, who considered Sonaxi to be quite the feat. Severus was not a braggart by nature, condescending yes, but braggadocios never, and nor would he willingly divulge details about his personal life; but knowing just how scared Sonaxi was of people finding out about their intimate relations, only served to keep his lips shut tightly when he was asked about whether he had bedded her and even outright speculations about how enthusiastic, or frigid, she might be in bed.

Their public interactions were not common amongst young, hormonal, Hogwarts couples. Mostly they minded their own business, rarely spending time together at meals or free periods. If he wanted her to accompany him at the Slytherin table, in the hallways, or in the library he would simply give her a nod and she would follow. If he ever walked her to class, there was no long kiss good bye, no giggling, no making fools of themselves, he escorted her to class and once she was inside he would leave. Occasionally, she would brush her hand with his, hoping he would take it, but he never did. He was not going to become one of those bumbling, dunderheads around a girl just because she spread her legs for him. _Like James, who always seemed to have his hand on Lily’s rear, or his mouth on her neck or lips. Have they...? _At this thought he would shake the thought out of his head, unable to bare it. 

Not that he never touched her in public, he just did not do it when anyone would see. He had managed to push her into an abandoned alcove a time or two. Unbeknownst to her, he had cast enough quick wand less wards to discourage any other witch or wizard from stumbling upon them. He would have reassured her, but he found the panic at being caught only heightened her excitement, so he let her worry. He would not bother to warm her up, it seemed more often than not she was almost always ready to go. He would simply shove her against the wall, push up her skirts, pull aside her underwear and take her quickly, the assistance of gravity in that particular position served to push him deeper into her than he had ever been.

He found himself surprised to be so taken with her lovely face, contorted in pleasure, on full display for him. Though he knew she was widely considered beautiful, and he had recognized it in detached, matter-of-fact manner, he had never thought he could be attracted to anyone other than Lily. He _wanted_ Sonaxi. He loved making her look into his bottomless gaze as he violated her person. He would hoarsely echo back to her all the fears that he found bouncing around in her head, _what if one of her brothers stumbles on them? What if they’re caught by a teacher and her parents are informed? What if he had made a mistake in mixing her contraceptive potion this time ?_ He would openly laughed at that one. And as he mocked all her worst fears, they would fall away, as her pleasure escalated. Her whimpers and moans were music to his ears, and the combination of the noises she was making, the intimacy of being in her mind, the flutter of her warm, weeping quim around him would push him over the edge as well, and he would spurt hot load after load into her. He would fuck into her as he rode out his orgasm, her spent head resting on his shoulder, nuzzled into his neck, where her warm breath would tickle the sensitive spot at the base.

Afterwards he would gently set her down, help her right her clothes and tell her she was not allowed to clean herself all day. His cum dripping out her would serve as a reminder of to whom she belonged. She would squeeze her thighs together at his words, sending a surge of pleasure through her body. He may not hold her hand, or passionately kiss her for all her friends to fawn over jealously, but the ways in which he stayed connected to her felt right. The practice of restraint and patience for him was a novel experience for one who had never waited or wanted for anything.

If he picked up on the blooming new emotion in her mind, he did not say anything about it. Leaving Sonaxi to give it voice, hoping she would be smart enough not to say it. At the same time, he felt elated and disturbed at how much she actually cared about him. At night she would bring him a cuppa, or after their love making had concluded she would stay back and run her fingers through his hair, and down his spine, until he fell asleep. She shared everything of her with him and demanded so little. He knew she wanted more of him, his feelings, thoughts, time, intimacy, but she respected his need for space. He liked this about her.

As he picked his way down to the Forbidden Forest, it was not these thoughts that consumed his mind, rather the task at hand. He considered his supreme fortune at having stumbled across the conversation between Hagrid and the headmaster the day prior. If he understood correctly, he had little time to act but if he met with success he would have more galleons than he knew what to do with. He had one problem to solve, _a major one_, but he figured he would play it by ear when he got there.

The sound of music broke thorugh his thoughts. A familiar voice accompanied the music, it floated through the air and like a siren’s call he followed without considering what he did. He took a detour right, away from the Forbidden Forest, towards the copse of trees from which the lovely melody emanates, still trying to place the voice. As he rounded a group of trees, facing the lake, he spied Sonaxi, sitting upright on the ground, feet folded under to one side, eyes closed, face resplendent, singing from the deepest parts of her soul and playing a rather large instrument that looked like a muggle guitar, but with many more strings. Her fingers gracefully danced across the strings, pulling from it the most enchanting combination of sounds he had heard.

So little of his life had been filled with beauty before he met her, he found he was frozen in place, awestruck at the vision in front of him. A quiet calm settled over the simmering rage he always seemed to have just brewing under the surface. He carefully walked closer to the angel that played in front of him, afraid that like the nymphs of lore, if she found him watching her, she would run away and he would never hear her play again.

As is the paradox of hypervigilance, so careful did he try to be, he stepped onto a twig, breaking the spell. Her eyes flew open, and her hands fell from her instrument, cutting off her voice. She stared at him in surprise and he stared back at her in awe. Their chests heaving with tension laden breath, neither willing to speak first for some time.

He slowly came closer, like she was some sort of feral animal he had to handle with great care, lest she bite him. She kept her gaze on him, as he finally approached hovering above her.

“You...sing well.”

She continued to watch him wearily, waiting for the criticism that so often accompanied his compliments. When none were forth coming she simply accepted the kindness, “Thank you.”

He lowered himself, sitting back onto his haunches, stroking the strings of her instrument, “You play well too. What is this?”

“A sitar.”

“Hmmm, I did not know you could...”

“Oh, yes well…The girls in my family are taught to sing, and play and dance as soon as we can talk and walk. Impresses the would be suitors I guess...” she said, picking at the wildflowers that had seemed to pop up overnight.

He watched her, he had forgotten just how different her upbringing was from his own. He rarely asked her any questions, until that moment he realized he really didn’t care, but he was curious. _She worries a lot. What will happen to her?_ For his part, he had no intention of continuing his relationship with her after he left Hogwarts. Slughorn may not have cared for his company, but he took care of those in his inner circle and he had been contacted by many departments in the ministry upon Slughorn’s recommendation. He was to meet with several in the coming weeks, making the NEWTS nothing but a formality at this point.

“How does it work then? You will be married after you graduate?”

Her brows furrowed in distress, “I hope I can do well enough on the NEWTS to have a career of my own. My sister does and my family allows her to do so as long as she stays placed in positions of importance. I guess it would be enough to make some money so they couldn’t control me.”

Severus grimaced internally. He had seen her work, she was not stupid, but if she was hoping to do well on the NEWTS in order to gain employment that would seem important to her family, he did not consider her odds good.

“And...if you don’t do well?”

“Well”, she said looking down at her sitar, “I think that my parents will marry me to Bharat..”, she did not cry, she seemed… resigned.

“I see”, he said, looking off over the lake, playing with a stalk of grass.

“He scares me”, she confessed, barely above a whisper.

Severus remained quiet. He was not of the nature to offer support and reassurance, most certainly not when it was perfunctory. He had seen Bharat’s treatment of her, _but how different is it from how you treat her though? Why would it even matter to her?_

He asked her as much, “You don’t think you will like it?”

She looked up at him surprised, hurt crossing her face. “Why? You think so little of me?”

“No! No, I do not! But truthfully, what is the difference?”

Tears of betrayal flowed now, “Because! You are...you are...You!” A moment later, looking down at the ground she declared, “I love you.”

He was taken aback. He could not accept this. No one had seen anything special about him before. He did not even know who he was without the drive to prove to others that they had underestimated him. If he was loved...if he accepted her love, he feared he may become complacent.

And yet, there was a small part of him, the young boy who could never please, who could never get close to his mother or father, who had no friends, who longed to bask in the warmth of her declaration. He felt an intense need to make contact with her, whether it was to pull her into his chest or throttle her he did not know, and that scared him.

He looked away, not knowing what to say, he chose to say nothing. He almost excused himself, when he recalled an obscure fact he’d learned in Magical Creatures and realized she could help him with the problem he had been trying to solve; but did he trust her? _She just told you she loved you, if you can’t trust her then there is truly no one._

He turned to her,” Want to help me with something?”

Her heart leaped at the chance. Severus rarely asked for help, and she yearned for opportunities to be useful to him. She wanted to show her devotion outside of his bed.

“Yes.”

“Just yes?” He sneered, taken aback at the lack of curiosity. He could never abide by simply helping someone because he wanted to help, it had to have something in it for him.

“Yes”, she whispered, “anything.”

She looked right in his eyes and if her words didn’t hit his heart, her look caressed his soul. It soothed him in the same uncomfortable way that her declaration of her feelings had. He wanted to hit her, and he wanted to fuck her, but he did neither, holding himself back, rapidly adjusting the algorithm of his defense mechanisms to both keep her near and push her away.

“Yesterday, I was coming out of the Forbidden Forest at night -“

She gasped at that, “Severus, you mustn’t! Dumbledore says it’s too dangerous!”

With a flick of his wrist, he dismissed her warnings and continued,” I was walking past the oafs cabin-“

“Severus! Be kind!”

He rolled his eyes and carried on,”I overheard Dumbledore and _Hagrid_ discussing their care of an injured unicorn in _Hagrid’s_ care. It seems the leg is almost mended and _Hagrid_ will be able to set it free soon. It is being kept in the Forbidden Forest I need to get to it tonight.”

“Oh what a beautiful sight that will be! You... want me to come with you?”

She felt trepidation at the prospect of entering the dangers of the forest, but if he thought to share something like this with her, she would not disappoint him.

“I...do. I need your help.”

“What with?”

“I’ve read that unicorns will calm at the sound of music, almost enter a trance like state.”

“You want me to sing to the unicorn? What for? Aren’t they famously skittish? Even an injured unicorn can become dangerous if scared Sev. We should just look at it from afar.”

“Or play, I do not care, I just need to get close.”

“Why?”

He hesitated. If he told her, he risked everything. She would know more than he was sure he was comfortable about himself. And yet, he realized with increasing clarity, she was the solution to the problem he had been attempting to work out since the day prior. He needed her to come. 

“I must draw it’s blood…”

“What for? Why!”

“I could sell it...”

“Surely no reputable potion master would buy it! It’s only used for dark magic!”

Severus refused to break his gaze, but he waited for the information to sink in. _Let’s see if she loves me yet._

The confusion on her face eventually turned to understanding. She tried to shake the malicious thought from her mind, considering any other options, but it was the only conclusion.

“Oh...Severus...”

Severus scoffed at her, “The judgment is rich coming from you!”

Hey perfectly arched brow knitted together in confusion, “Whatever do you mean?”

Severus was incredulous. _Does she truly not know?_ He looked over her person and felt acute contempt at just how _expensive_ she was. She was adorned with tasteful jewelry worth more than 7 years of tuition at Hogwarts, her uniform was of the finest material, when she was not in uniform her clothing came from the finest tailor, though she had no interest in quidditch it was well known at Hogwarts that she and her brothers arrived with the best brooms available that year _just in case_. She did not know how these things were paid for, she did not seem to understand just why her marriage to Bharat would be so advantageous for her family. S_he asks no questions and makes no demands._ And for the first time he understood how the plaint nature he found so alluring was truly dangerous for her. He felt compelled to disabuse her of her ignorance. _It is for her own good. _

“Where exactly do you think your family gets its money? Why do you think they’re so desperate for you to marry Bharat?”

Sonaxi was scared at his line of questioning, tickling a part of her brain she had managed to quiet a long time ago and reacted with defiance, raising her voice at him for the first time, “The money has been in my family for generations Severus, ever since they brought it from India! They still have land back there. They want me to marry Bharat because his family and mine are old friends, and they want to ensure their traditions continue. You don’t know everything!”

He laughed at her cruelly. “Spoiled little Princess doesn’t care where her pretty trinkets come from? You think that somehow your family has retained all the wealth while the rest squandered away their fortunes? You think your family just_ manages its finances well_?”

“Don’t call me that! You have no right to talk about my family!”

“You _are_ a princess! And your family is selling you to the highest bidder for more access to power! You are nothing but a brood mare to them!”

“Stop it! It’s not true!” She covered her ears, hoping to drown out his next words.

He was determined she hear him. He grabbed her arms, forcing them down and removing her hands from her ears. He looked down into her eyes and told her, “You have romantic notions of tradition and values. Fantastical thoughts about your family’s motivations for your future, _princess_, but the truth is that your family has made its fortune through less than honorable channels, and they are whoring you out to a politically ambitious and powerful family to legitimize their business. Ignore reality if it helps you feel like your parents care for you, but don’t you DARE judge me for how I make money when you’ve never had a drop of water that wasn’t purchased with galleons covered in _blood_!”

Sonaxi just stared at Severus, a whirlwind of emotion stirring in her body. Her arms still gathered in his hands, her body crumpled forward and pulled towards him so that she had no choice but to look at him.

“A death by thousand cuts...” she finally said.

“What?” He dropped her arms. She pulled back away from him.

“Being a woman. I feel like my world gets smaller and smaller each passing day. No one person can claim to have inflicted a mortal wound, and yet every single day, I feel my options become limited. That no matter what, I was always destined to end up in a room one day, maybe while I take my afternoon tea, and come to realize I have nothing left to live for. Never knowing which injury finally stole away my hopes for happiness...who will it be?” She went back to picking at the wildflowers at her feet. “I do want to believe that my sacrifices will contribute to some greater good. Maybe, the mortal injury is this one Severus, you could have just let me have my romantic notions.”

So caught up was he always in his need to defend himself, to protect himself, it had never occurred to him that this girl was about to disappear into a world where everyone would dictate and control every breathing moment. He had not stopped to consider she needed to feel like it meant something to waste a life on meeting other people’s expectations and desires. He was shamed for his selfishness. He had been the victim of other’s cruelty for so long, he underestimated the brutality of his own coldness. He had developed it to protect himself, but it had become habit, and it was now an unsheathed weapon, aimlessly cutting down whomever happened to cross his path. _Certainly, this girl did not deserve it._

He felt a need to make it better, to offer her something to sooth the pain he caused her.

“One day... you will be sitting in that room and maybe you will remember today for other reasons Sonaxi. Come with me, let’s do something you are not supposed to do.”

He may have felt bad, but no one would ever accuse Severus Snape of lacking ambition. 

She looked up at him. He was surprised that she had stopped crying, he was worried that she seemed so resigned to this future. Her poorly laid plans for a career in the ministry a pipe-dream even in her eyes. He couldn’t give her much, but he could give her adventure. _And so what if it helps me too. _

She got up, “I have to go put this back”, she said indicating her sitar, “give me 20 minutes.”

He took out his wand and transfigured it into a smaller version of itself, which he handed to her to put in her pocket.

Her shoulders slumped forward, as she took it, she felt an intense disappointment in herself. Of course she knew how to transfigure common items, but it never seemed to occur to her to use her schooling to solve her problems. She was simply not quick on her feet, she lacked _street smarts,_ as the muggles called it. And even if she managed to do well on her NEWTS this fault would most likely be held against her.

Sonaxi followed Severus to the Forbidden Forest. Her breathing became shallow and panic took over. She reached to stop him.

“Sev, I am not sure about this. I’m scared.”

He let out an expaserated sigh. “It will be fine. I am with you.”

She trusted him. She knew he was clever and quick and aggressive in the face of danger, but she had been conditioned over the past seven years to believe entering this place would spell certain death. So she hesitated.

He turned to her, he knew she wanted to come but lacked the courage. He had never used his command over her to make her do things outside the bedroom, but he was sure she would be thankful.

“Sonaxi”, glamour entering his voice, “walk with me.”

She stood rooted in the spot, resisting his command as long as she could. Whether it was because the pain of disobedience lifted, or that she finally was able to do something she feared, but wanted to do, she let out a breath of relief and followed. 

He picked his way through the thick foliage, some 30 minutes later, they arrived to the spot where he had heard Hagrid say the unicorn was kept. They were greeted by the most magnificent sight. A snow white steed, about 20 hands tall, downy white wings, obsidian eyes to rival Severus’, and a majestic iridescent crown in the shape of a horn atop its head. 

Sonaxi did not realize she had been holding her breath until Severus spoke, “They can be lulled into a trance by music. Can you sing something, or play?”

She felt too nervous to sing, but she was practically born with a sitar in her hands, and she could play in her sleep. “What shall I play?”

“Just something, we will see if it works.”

She pulled her sitar out of her pocket, extracted her wand, and whispered the incantation that would bring the sitar back to normal size. She settled on the ground and took a steadying breath, and out from her fingertips poured a melody full of melancholy and longing, her eyes closed as she entered a deep state where she and the sitar were one, her breathing slowly increasing as she ascended to the crescendo of the music, and quieting as the notes calmed. It reminded him of the vision of her under him, as she built up to her release, how her chest seemed unable to purchase a full breath of air, followed by the intensity of her release, as her whole being would calm after climax. Severus was supposed to be watching the unicorn, but so enchanted did he become at the sight of her playing, he could not take his eyes off of her.

This girl was not what he wanted in his life, but she had opened up his eyes to ways of being that he could not appreciate before their meeting. She was beauty and grace personified. Traits he has considered useless in the past, as did most of the modern world, but she had a way of leaving each moment behind a little improved. He had witnessed firsthand how, after speaking to her, people seemed to be relieved of their burdens. He had seen their classmates confess things to her that has been weighing on them, and with a few soothing words she spread a balm on their pain.

He himself had experienced how deftly she disarmed his knee jerk reactions of being offensive as a method of defending himself, it had been apparent in their first week of knowing each other. She never challenged him, but slowly and methodically, through trial and error wore down his defenses. And when he was vulnerable, she resisted the urge at preening in victory, when she had solved a problem he could not, allowing him to retain his dignity. After that he had no choice but to return the kindness in some form or another, even he could not justify being so severely acerbic in his interactions with her after she had been so gentle with him. 

She so readily gave of herself. He suspected she wanted something for herself in exchange, but for all his exploring of her mind, he had not yet uncovered an intention to leverage their connection into something more permanent for herself. She seemed fully content to have this experience, without expectation, she was resigned to whatever future she would be assigned by effort, or birth.

The tune came to an end, when he finally thought to observe the creature for whom they’d come. Surely, as the human had, the animal was lured into a trance, it’s serene face resting on the ground.

“Keep playing”, he told her.

And she did. Picking a much more upbeat tune, but it did not excite the unicorn and Severus slowly stole nearer and nearer, knowing the best place to nick the animal to cause minimal injury, but maximize the amount to blood he could collect. He managed to complete his task without pause and came back to Sonaxi with four vials of unicorn blood. His mind was high from the adrenaline of adventure and aroused by the turn of his fortunes.

She sat on the ground, playing, totally unaware that his task was complete. Had he his way, he would sit down and watch her play for the rest of the day, until her fingers bled. The longer they remained in the parts of the Forbidden Forest that he was not familiar with, the greater likelihood they would run into an unknown, unstudied threat. They must be away.

“It is done Sonaxi. Come.”

She opened her eyes, returning to him from a world inside her head that only she could access. He passively resolved to see where she had gone when next they joined their bodies, but for now, he was determined to hurry.

She got up, transfigured her sitar, pocketed it and took his hand.

They quickly stole out of the forest. And just as the tree line came into view, they heard the first skitters across the tree tops. He broke out into a full sprint, hoping to outpace whatever had hunted them, rather than stop to fight them off. Though he was confident he could out run whatever gave them chase, Sonaxi’s nerves got the best of her and her feet became entangled in her skirts. She came crashing down hard on her forearms. By the time she looked up, a row of giant spiders came to descend on her.

Severus could have run away. They had a prey in their grasp, they would not waste precious resources chasing a second. Perhaps if he had a moment to weigh his options he may have opted to run, but he did not have time to think. He merely acted, running back into the melee, throwing himself over Sonaxi’s prone body, and casting the first of many wordless defensive spells, essentially creating a buffer between them and the fell demons. He had bought them time, now he had to think.

“Are you hurt? Can you run?”

“Yes - I can run...”

“Sonaxi, listen to me. Do you have your wand?”

“Yes, I have it”, came her panicked reply from beneath him.

“On the count of three, we are going to get up, and run for the tree line. I want you to cast defensive charms as we go.”

“Okay - okay...”

Of course she knew them, but in that moment, in her panic, she could not recall any that seemed up to this task!

“Severus! I can’t! I-I don’t know!”

“Just cast _confringo & bombarda_. Can you remember that!?”

“I will...I can do it! Let’s go!”

She indicated that she was ready by pushing at his body. He counted, “One...two... THREE!”

The both stood at once, orienting their bodies to the tree line, and ran for their lives. Severus cast an array of curses that caused substantial damage. Sonaxi cast the two spells he had reminded her of above them and over her shoulder. She excitedly noted that they worked more often than not. They tore through the forest wrecking destruction in their path. Unconcerned with the threat of expulsion due to the commotion they wrought, when the alternative was their life.

Finally, _finally_, they broke the tree line. The Arachnids stopped giving chase long before they exited the forest, but in their rush, they had continued to cast their spells well past the forest, to ensure nothing else dared follow them!

Severus had the wherewithal to clear not only the forest, but the general area, in case they had made such a commotion that the school sent someone to investigate the disruption.

They ran to the Whomping Willow, almost within its reach when Sonaxi grabbed at Severus in an effort to save him. He, of course, knew the tree’s secret, and immobilized it.

“We will wait in here until evening.”

They entered through the roots and walked the path to the Shrieking Shack. Sonaxi was awed at his ability to constantly surprise her with his secrets.

When finally they reached the old house, they collapsed at opposite ends of a room. She lifted her head and looked at him and began to laugh. He could not believe her, _he could not believe her_, but he found himself joining her in laughter. They were alive and he was _rich_! Upon observing him, her laughter calmed. He was truly happy, his face was lit up in cheer and joy! She was seeing on him emotions that she wished would never leave him. He was in the moment and her heart ached, it felt so full of tender love at this display of positive feelings from her usually surly lover.

He rested his head in the wall behind him. Reaching a hand out to her, looking down his hooked nose at her, he said, “Come here.”

She came to him, willing to do anything he would ask of her right then. The aching in her loins increasing with each step she took towards him. Truthfully she wanted to be laid beneath him as soon as possible, completing their rare emotional intimacy with a physical connection. But he simply pulled her down, between his own legs, wrapped his arms around her, buried his face in her thick hair and whispered, “Watching you play is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.”

She closed her eyes, buried her head further back into his chest and they waited out the day, and ultimately their fate, wrapped in each other’s arms.


	22. Chapter 22

When they returned to the castle following their adventure, Severus was sure that they would be expelled. _There is no way that the commotion was not heard by_ _someone_, he thought. They decided to separate and sleep in their own quarters, though neither was keen on the idea.

The following day Sonaxi was missing for most of the day, rumors circulated that she had been in Dumbledore’s office. He was sure she had her family negotiating some sort of pardon for her_ youthful indiscretion_ and soon it would be his turn. He also knew the hands of justice would not be so lenient with him, and he began the process of mentally preparing himself for the ruination of his academic and ministry career.

When late into the evening neither Sonaxi, nor a summons to appear in the headmaster's office arrived, he was thoroughly confused. His worries became so overwhelming he could not concentrate on his studying and he fell into a fitful sleep. He missed Sonaxi’s warmth next to him. Rarely did he sleep without her skin pressed against his own these days. _Now I have been without her for two nights._ The following morning she still had not appeared and his anxieties turned to true concern. _Where was she? Is she safe?_

In their hours together at the Shrieking Shack he had resolved to help her as best as he could to do well on the upcoming exams. He truthfully did not have much hope, and he had his own exams to worry over, but he felt he owed her something. He was loathe to admit that he felt he was in her debt. She had given him something he begrudgingly valued. Through her eyes, he had for the first time felt like he was someone valuable just as he was. Not _smart_ Severus, not _clever_ Severus, not _poor_ Severus, not _cunning_ Severus, but _just_ him. She saw his scars and she loved him for them, not in spite of them._ I just want her back_, he thought woefully.

_What if yesterday was the last time I would ever see her? Have her parents pulled her out of school? Why would they do that this close to graduation? Is she getting married?_ He worried.

He felt a lump in his throat at the thought that she might be on her way to be married. Someone else would have her and they would not appreciate her the way she deserved to be appreciated. _He_ had not appreciated her the way she deserved to be appreciated.

His panic and worries kept him up for 3 days and 3 unproductive nights. He made small inquiries regarding Sonaxi’s whereabouts, but she had just _disappeared_. He found himself begging and pleading with no one in particular for just one glimpse of her again.

He wanted one opportunity, one chance, to take back his cut, reduce the 1000 by one. He wanted to fix the ways in which he had hurt her, show her that broken as they were, just as she had been a reprieve for all the hurt parts of him, he could be solace for her as well. He wanted a chance to leave her improved the way he felt improved by her affections.

When on the 4th day she still did not appear, he became angry and threw himself back into his work. _Fuck her!_ He thought to himself angrily. He would not throw away his future now! And he was successful in focusing his energies toward reviewing his class materials, he managed not to think of her all day, until dusk fell and he found that the sting of the cold night air on his skin was too much to bare. He just needed one more night with her warm back pressed to his chest, his dick resting on her soft thighs, his hand lazily kneading her breasts. _What happened to her?_ All day he tried to convince himself she had simply left, but the worries filled the silence of the night. So he got up again and attended to his extracurricular activities. He sent an owl in order to make inquiries about selling the unicorn blood, he knew that certain nefarious forces were recently very interested in the ingredient. He also worked on constructing his dark spells, reviewing the forbidden formularies for potions no respectable professor would talk about, much less teach at Hogwarts. He fell asleep like that at his desk.

The next morning, he woke with a cramp in his neck, and he found he had not the energy to tend to his hygiene, he did not care if people whispered. He longed for the girl who had weaseled her way into his life. _Uninvited! Unwanted! Undesired! _ Having been without her these past four days had felt like he had been deprived of an essential life force.

He made his way down to breakfast, forcing himself to tend to some of his body’s needs.

“You look like shite Snape!” Cackled a Slytherin contemporary.

“Haven’t seen that right fit Hufflepuff stealing out of your rooms in a while”, ventured another lewdly.

“I heard she’s warming another bed these days!” a third said.

_That_ got his attention. He hated that others had access to information he desperately wanted, but he needed to know where she was. So he narrowed his eyes, and lowered himself to asking, “What _exactly_ do you mean?”

“Tadashi saw her last night with Sirius Black coming back into the castle.”

_Sirius _fucking_ Black?!_ Of all the people in the world, what was she doing being seen with him, _at night?_

He next turned his attentions the 4th year, whose salacious gossip had earned him a spot adjacent to the 7th years. With Severus’ considerable, contemptuous attentions focused on him, Tadashi withered, and immediately backed off his comments, “I-I am not su-sure it was her. It l-l-looked like her, but I do not know.”

Severus continued to stare at the boy, who finally averted his gaze and then he stood up and left, not having had a morsel of his breakfast. This was most perplexing information, he had no real confirmation that Sonaxi was even still in the castle, _but if she was_, she was seen with Sirius _fucking_ Black?

He could no longer wait passively, he needed answers and he needed them now! That evening, he decided to pace the corridors near the kitchens, waiting for Sonaxi, or someone to tell him what was going on with her. All evening, many of the younger students entered and exited the rooms, but it was hours before he saw one of the girls she often sat with at meals. _What was her name? Sonaxi is always telling me about this or that she did with...P? No - it was something fruity....C? Yes - C? C? Cle..men.. CLEMENTINE!_

“Clementine,” he coldly called out to a blonde haired girl.

She turned towards the voice and spied Severus hidden in a darkened corner.

“Yes? Hello?”

Though Sonaxi and this girl were very close, she had never exchanged words with Severus, except to tease him briefly at the Yule Ball, _which had NOT been well received._ She had often complained to Sonaxi, and even warned her, that boys who avoid ones friends are trouble. Truthfully, she did not approve of Sonaxi and Severus’ relationship. She felt her friend was too good, too pretty, too kind for that Slytherin, and worried about the secrecy Sonaxi kept regarding the details of their coupling. She had said as much to Sonaxi, who did not react poorly, but there had been a marked distance between the friends since then, until this past week...

“I was just wondering... if Sonaxi is here?”

Clementine narrowed her eyes, “If you do not know, then she does not want you to know.”

“I just want to know what happened to her! I just want to know she is safe.”

Clementine weighed her options, she did not wish to betray Sonaxi’s trust, but also she saw that Severus’ concern was genuine. Though she did not like the boy, nothing Sonaxi had ever said about him justified her dislike. _If Sonaxi did not tell him, there must be good reason, but no one deserves to suffer because someone had a change of heart._ Ultimately, she settled on calming his fears without offering too much information.

“She is safe”, she whispered, “but that is all I will tell you.”

And with that she walked away before her soft heart led her to offer more information than she was willing.

_She knew Sonaxi was safe, that must mean there they’ve spoken and she was, at some point in the castle. But is she still?_ He felt strongly that she must be and decided to wait for some time more, but curfew was quick approaching and he had rounds to attend to that evening. He ended his vigil and made way towards Slytherin, when the door opened again and out exited none other than Sirius _fucking_ Black. Snape had already abandoned the shroud of darkness in the corner and he was immediately seen by the other boy.

“Snivellus”,was all Sirius said.

Snape was caught off guard and in his moment of vulnerability he let down his defenses. Truthfully, he felt defeated. Seeing Sirius exit from the Hufflepuff common room seemed to confirm for him that there was some truth to the rumor he heard earlier. He held out hope that it meant something other than what was insinuated. It could not have happened so suddenly. _Unless...she was playing with me? Was she in cahoots with them the whole time? Making a fool of me?_ But he could not recall any deception in her intentions, he had not uncovered any memories which would have caused him worry, and their intimacy..._Certainly, she would not give me her first time for a prank! I have not misjudged her character so profoundly!_ He had stopped delving too deeply into her thoughts a long time ago, too focused on her physical being to do more than keep a low key scan on her consent to what he was putting her body through. Now he regretted abandoning the study of her mind in more depth, for he would have known the answers to his questions. His mind automatically reverting back to self-protective fear and paranoia, _I knew I should not have trusted her, the whore!_

Severus felt a wrenching in the pit of his stomach. The physical manifestation of considering that the reality he had been living all these months was not the truth. The feeling of betrayal made acute.

He had no fight in him, he took a deep breath and simply asked, “What are you doing here Black?”

“I could ask you the same.”

“I am on Prefect duty, I am where I am supposed to be.”

“Hmmm, one might think you’re loitering around the halls hoping to catch yourself a girl who was always too good for you.”

His insult hit where it hurt, right in his fears. No one had said it to him before, but he did not doubt that Sirius nursed these thoughts alone. Whatever he felt about Sonaxi, he knew people did not think he deserved her._ All except her. She never made me feel like she was too good for me. No, I did that to her. Is that why...? _Feeling immediately remorseful for his unkind thoughts towards her just moments prior. 

“She’s in there”, Sirius said cruelly. “I am told she has no desire to see you. All evening the others have been reporting about your _prefect duties_.”

“You were with her?”

A mean look crossed Sirius’ continence, he could hurt Snape, the power felt _so good_, but in the end he inexplicably curbed his base instincts. “No, I was availing myself of another’s _hospitality_.”

With that he smirked and walked away. Severus was relieved, whatever it was, she was not with Sirius. He was not sure he could stand to lose another girl to one of the Marauders,_ especially that one._

More than a week passed without sight or sound of her. Life seemed to go on all around him, when his felt like it was frozen in place. He forced himself to continue on his path, separating his heart and mind, a task at which he had considerable expertise.

Two weeks after their adventure, Severus was due at the ministry for his interview with the Department of Mystery, with specific focus on potion development. Despite his worries, Severus was able to focus on the task at hand and demonstrated a more than adequate knowledge of potions, but also impressing his interviewers with his independent interest in the topic, his personal working theories on the different uses of common ingredients & his theoretical formulas on countering dark magic. He was most interested in controlling the weapons he secretly intended to build, so they could not be used against him. Naturally he was made an offer immediately, he had no doubt that he would be an invaluable addition to their work. _And the pay..._

He returned to Hogwarts, half-heartedly studying for his NEWTs, knowing that they hardly mattered now. The 7th years were excused from classes the final month before these life altering exams & he could not simply catch her outside her classes. She had not been attending classes the two past two weeks anyhow. He kept an eye out for Sonaxi in the halls, hoping he might one day find her studying in the library or eating in the great hall, but she never seemed to leave Hufflepuff. He knew in his gut she was not yet gone. He was convinced that he would feel it when she left with such finality. Sirius had only provided confirmation to his belief. He just needed to talk to her, he needed to understand why she had abandoned him so suddenly.

No opportunity presented itself, and six weeks passed without a word or sight of her, until the morning of his first exams: _Potions_.

He walked into class from the top rafters, and there she stood with her back to him, at their shared table. He wanted to dive into her mind right then, ripping from her the answers he desired, but he was bound by their agreement, and he could not afford the disintegration of his mental abilities as he prepared to take his exams. He had no need to excel, but he could not risk failure.

With assured strides that did not betray his hurt feelings, he walked behind Sonaxi and grabbed her by the upper arm, whipping her around to face him. He had every intention of demanding she answer him, of reducing her to nothing under his withering stare and diminishing words, but he had not looked upon her lovely face for these six weeks and the sight of the wide eyes, soft lips, smooth cheeks, the sweetness of her visage disarmed him of the rage that was his constant companion.

“Where have you been?” He asked, much more gently and with more feeling than he intended for it to come out.

She frowned, but did not make to pull away from him, instead reaching her other hand up to rest over his heart and said, “I cannot talk about it now Severus. I will explain everything later. I must do well today. _Please_...” she begged.

And he knew he could not distract her. He had wanted to help her do well, to give her a chance to escape the golden cage her family wanted to put her in, but the only help he could offer her now was to not upset her. He let her go. Before he went to his end of the table, he felt he should tell her how he felt, no matter how difficult it was and no matter why she had disappeared he felt she had to know.

“I ... missed you.”

Her face softened, “I love you.”

His heart leapt with joy at the declaration, as it had not when she first confessed her feelings to him. He was hopeful as he took his place at the table. They did not speak again before the exam started, but he could not help but keep looking at her, his eyes thirsty for the sight of her. His hands longed to run through her hair, over her breasts, grab a handful of her generous bottom. He wanted to take her right there on that table, anxious he would never get the chance again. He _could_ command her right now to meet him that night, or every single night for eternity, but she had asked for his grace and he was determined to give it her. Her feelings remained unchanged and that must suffice for the time being. 

The exam was to be 6 hours long, each student was to brew three potions, stopper them and turn them in for judgement. _Draught of Peace, Wolfsbane & Amortentia._

Severus set to work immediately, not even stopping to review the formulas in his carefully edited book. His movements precise, his measurements exact, and his work nothing short of fastidious. He was a true genius in the potions room, it was undeniable. He movements were like a well-rehearsed dance, fluid and exact.

He looked over at Sonaxi, and her work station was decidedly less calm._ I wish I could slip her some of this Draught of Peace._ He acutely felt her panic, her hands were shaking, without reading her mind he could tell she was overthinking and confusing herself, all he could do was look away and focus. It was too late to help now and he could not risk getting caught cheating.

As he waited for his second potion to heat to the correct temperature, he looked around at the room and caught sight of Lily. He mindlessly found himself admiring her competency, her movements as assured as his own. Clearly she was in command of her work. _She truly is my equal in brilliance,_ he thought as he stole one last glance at the beautiful mess in front of him. When his potion approached the right temperature, he returned his attention to the task at hand

After having completed to his satisfaction the first two formulas he began to prepare his station to brew _Amortentia_. The hours passed and the potion took on the distinctive mother of pearl sheen and spiraling curlicues, he was sure he was almost there. When the scent of dewy fields and roses tickled his olfactory senses, _Lily my English Rose_, he knew he had completed the task; but a new smell joined the old and he found himself second guessing his work, for he had never detected it before in this potion. He was surprised to scent a second floral signature mixing with the first, just as strong. He worried that he had made a mistake in his work, when an unbidden memory surfaced.

_His face buried in Sonaxi’s hair._ Her thick, silken curtain of hair, the color of dark chocolate, was perhaps one of his favorite features on her. He couldn’t help himself from reaching out to caress it, as if his hands had a mind of their own. He fell asleep with his fingers laced in it, the intoxicating scent of her hair lulling him into a peaceful rest. When she was atop him, and she would fall forward, her long tresses would create a cacoon in which only the two of them existed. In their love making, he enjoyed nothing more than to stroke it lovingly while he idly thrust into her, until she relaxed under his touch and only then gathering it at the base in his fist to yank her head back hard, markedly increasing the vigor of his pace, making her look into his eyes as he took his pleasure from her.

_“Mmmm, your hair smells devine. What is it?”_

_“Jasmine.”_

Though he found himself surprised, he ultimately concluded that the scent was not as a result of a mistake, but a change in his own desires. He stoppered his third and final bottle. He looked over at Sonaxi, who was still struggling with her second potion, and felt truly sorry for her. He cleaned his station, and walked to the front of the class. The first of all the students to complete his task. As he ascended the stairs to exit from the back of the amphitheater, Lily came down from her station, the second to complete her work and from the looks of her vials it was done properly. They exchanged a tentative smile, but nothing more.

As he went back to the desk to gather his personal items, he caught Sonaxi’s eye. She had a look of frenzied desperation and rightfully so, as according to his observations, she was still on her second potion and the first did not look well. He let out a sigh of sorrow for her.

He exited the room and decided to renew his vigil outside the classroom, hoping she would choose to exit from the same door.

An hour later, the exam was over, and most of the students had steadily streamed out of the room. He was unsure if he should wait, she could have left from another door, but he also knew, given the state she was in when he last observed her, she would most likely need every single minute of the exam time.

His gamble paid off. She was the last test taker to exit the room and from the looks of her she was very upset. Her eyes were on the ground, her book clutched tightly to her chest, until she caught sight of his approaching feet. She looked up at him, and the tears she had been holding back streamed forth.

He reached a hand towards her face, and she leaned into it, allowing him to brush away her tears with his thumb.

“Sonaxi...”, he said, her name a desperate question on his lips.

She looked up at him, her sweet face wrenching at his heart. “I can’t Severus, I need to go!”

With that she pulled away and walked towards her common rooms. He wanted to call out to her, but he did not want her to remain out of obligation to the bond. He wanted her to want to be with him. A gift he had not valued until it seemed she would rather be anywhere but next to him.


	23. Chapter 23

_This is it._

There was no more hope for her. It was truly over. She was scheduled to leave tomorrow, unless she saw him one last time, on her one last chance. She had to touch him one more time. She knew it was selfish. He was adamant in his intention to end their relationship when they graduated. He had already had six weeks to distance himself, where she had harbored hope that if she could only take her destiny into her own hands, she would be able to see him whenever she wanted on her own terms. The one path she had imagined for herself toward that outcome had now closed for her.

She leaned against the walls, outside his room, her hand on the knob, thoughts racing through her head. Should she go in? Should she just accept her fate and leave?

Sonaxi knew that it would probably be best for _him_ if she just left; but for once, on this cusp of her life, she felt the intense urge to be selfish. To think of herself instead of another. To take for herself what the world would deny her.

Yet she hesitated. The last time we were together was perfect. _If he’s angry, if he rejects me now, it will be all I have to remember him by._ She squeezed shut her eyes, and clenched all the muscles in her body, with a violent convulsion, the scream she wanted to let out imploded silently. _S__he wanted to fucking do something_ other than just wait for things to happen to her. Willing her worries out, forcing her mind to make a choice, she decided that she was going to do something _right now_. She was going to take a chance.

She opened the door and slipped into his rooms. In the little light that filtered in, she noted he had cleared and packed away his meager belongings, in anticipation of his own departure the next morning. She spied him asleep in his bed. She approached quietly, and sat at the bottom edge, near his feet.

Severus was not conventionally handsome by any means, but she felt he was the most beautiful man she had ever laid her eyes on. His alabaster skin, set against those Cimmerian eyes and dark hair, beguiled her for their stark contrast. She could not imagine him looking down at her, or anyone, from any other perch than his Roman nose. And his mouth, with the slightly bemused, upturned corners, always looked as if he was in on a joke no one else knew. She longed to feel his lips on the inside of her wrist, at her breast, even between her legs. She wanted him so badly, not just in the physical sense, but she wanted his soul to walk by her own for eternity. Instead, she might just have to settle for this, right now, maybe one last lovemaking session, _if_ she would have the courage to wake him from his slumber.

She sighed and shifted ever so slightly on his bed. And whether it was the huff of air, or the rustling of sheets on his bed, the shift of his bed, something woke him suddenly. At once, his eyes flew open, and he reached under his pillows to retrieve his wand. With a rage at the ready, he pointed it at the source of the noise and let forth a spell before he could fully understand who, or what, was sitting at the end of his bed. He did not even stop to consider it could be Sonaxi.

He had waited for her after their potions exam to find him, but she never had. The two weeks of their exams passed, and every night he was sure she would come to him. _She loves me yet._ She did not. That evening he paced his rooms, this was most likely the final opportunity for them to speak, to be together. He tried to bide the hours with busy work, packing his room, reading a book, practicing his wand work. With each passing hour he came to realize she was not coming, _she was never again coming._ He finally gave up on her. His heart hurt, and his gut twisted, and he let himself cry. _This is it then, she is gone_. He lay down on his bed, pulled the covers over his body and allowed the heart break to shed from his eyes, until he fell asleep.

_“Stupefy!”_

Had the curse hit her full on from such close proximity, she would most likely have been gravely injured. Fortunately, due to the dark and his half asleep state he did not aim properly and it mostly missed her, but not enough to leave her unscathed. She was blown back off the bed onto the floor, and she yelled out for him.

“Severus!”

He recognized her voice and bounded up from bed, running around to the foot and looked down at her sprawled on the floor. It was he who was stupefied, for he had fully accepted he would never see her again.

“You came?” Not trusting his own senses.

“Yes...”

He reached down and hauled her up by the shoulders. He was at war with himself, he wanted to pull her into his embrace and crush her to him, never letting go and he also wanted to rip open the door, throw her out of his room and demand she never show him her face again!

Ultimately, it was she who made the decision. She reached for his hand, and he let her, she walked over to his bed and removed her robes, leaving on her underwear and laid down. He followed with his own clothes. He pulled her under him, pushing aside her knickers and simultaneously sank into her body and mind. And though she more than willingly accepted him into her body, making more room by adjusting her own, wrapping her legs around his waist to pull him in deeper, she was not so accepting of him into her mind. She shoved him out and clamped down her mental walls, willing all her energy into keeping them in place.

He rose onto one elbow, and looked down at her. Her large eyes pleading. He pushed her hair off the half of her face it was covering and cupped her cheek.

“Let me in”, he whispered. A request, not command, for no glamour accompanied the demand. He could have ripped into her mind if he chose, but he wanted her to let him, to trust that whatever it was she feared he would see, he would not turn from her. Not now.

She let out the breath she was holding and let down her mental shields. He did not realize until then how hard he was pushing, or how strongly those shields had been constructed. He felt as if he was falling when she suddenly let him into her mind.

They continued to look into each other’s eyes and he dove into the last six weeks of their separation. He saw her arrive in her rooms after the Shrieking Shack. He saw she had fallen into an exhausted sleep, her dreams filled with nightmares starring Bharat. She woke up the following morning in a panic, confessing to her friend she was afraid, that time was slipping away. Clementine confronting Sonaxi about her negligence of her studies this past semester. Sonaxi pouring over books late into the night, studying with whoever would study with her. Sonaxi crying herself to sleep at night. Then younger students coming to tell her that he was outside the Hufflepuff common rooms, her walking to the door several times, and then turning away, redoubling her decision to focus on her work. _She was so close._ Suddenly his face whipped into view during their Potions final. The view from her perspective as she looked over at him and feeling intense envy at the ease with which he completed his work, knowing she had just wasted her last six weeks, because she was unable to calm her anxiety. The impending sense of doom that came over her over the course of the six hours of their exam, and each exam following. She being unable to think clearly due to the fear and panic of what was to wait for her if she failed. That very night, laying in bed after she packed her belongings, reading over the letter her mother had sent her, informing her that she would not be joining her friends on a traditional European vacation post-graduation, instead she was scheduled to be in India in 2 weeks, leaving the rest unspoken, but the reason clear to all. She had tried to sleep, but she could not, knowing she would never see him again, fighting the urge but eventually she rose, unable to resist one last moment of happiness.

He felt her guilt at how her arrival would affect him, “I am glad you came.”

He wrapped his arms tightly around her and they laid like that for some time, unmoving.

“I thought, if I tried, if I really tried, maybe I could get work on my own. Even if it was not important work, if it earned money, I would just deal with the consequences of my parent’s disappointment. We could keep seeing each other. But...but...”, she let out a heart wrenching sob, “but now it is over!”

Her body heaved under his and right then he knew he could not let her suffer. He _would not_ let her suffer. He finally had access to money and freedom, two things he had longed for, and he was about to give up some part of both.

He turned into her ear and whispered, “You don’t have to go back to them Sonaxi.”

“I have no choice Severus, I don’t have the means to support myself.”

“I do.”

She turned her face towards him, unsure if she had heard him correctly. The question clearly written on her face.

“You can come home with me. I’ll help you.”

“What?”

“It’s not happy where I am from, you should know that. I want to leave as soon as possible, but you can come with me. When the time is right, you can try to look for work. It will...buy you time. You would have to help around the house though.”

He wanted to make it clear he was not making any long term commitments to her, nor that she would simply be paid for. He thought this might be an impossible task for someone so used to having everything done for her, but if she wanted to live this life, she would have to learn how to do her own work.

“Are you sure?” She could not believe he had offered. She was desperate and she would take him up on the offer _if_ it was genuine.

“Yes”, he said with finality. He ducked his head back down, as he reached to cup her hip and finally begin thrusting into her.

She let her head roll back and enjoy the feeling of him she had longed for these past six weeks.

The way he pushed and rolled into her pelvis, and the six weeks of abstinence, had her climax building fast and intensively. She exploded around him, her eyes rolling back into her head and she clawed at his back, trying to pull him closer to her. “I love you Severus. I love you. Thank you.”

He let her ride out her climax, because it was his turn and even though he never wanted her to leave him again, he intended to punish her for her abandonment. When she settled, he came up onto his knees under her, still buried inside her. He leaned forward and ran his hands over her exposed flesh, from waist to shoulders, over the side of her breasts, and back down between her breasts. He came back to her womanhood and ran his thumb over her over sensitive clit. Her body jerked under him, she was not ready for it. He held her hip in place so she could not pull away.

“You will breathe through this.”

And on command she let out a slow exhale and zoned in on his face. His beautiful, perfect face. She lay her hand over the one he had on her hip, and she let him do what he wanted to do.

Soon her body began to react to his again, and small whimpers escaped her perfectly formed lips. He moved his hand to her belly and pushed down on the empty organ within. He started his thrusting, and she pulled her legs further apart and up into her chest, while exposing her throat to him in a subconscious gesture of submission. He leaned over her, putting his weight on his right arm, near her head , as he snaked the other hand up the center of her body, and rested it at her vulnerable neck, wrapping his elegant fingers around her. She came to realize his intention just a second before he applied pressure. He was fully in her mind now, knowing that one second too long, just a little too much pressure and he could permanently damage her. He had to be aware. He felt the spike of fear, and he “shushed” her.

“I won’t hurt you, as long as you don’t fight me.”

He didn’t mean it, and she knew that, but it added to the sense of danger that was surely spurning on their vigorous coupling.

She reached up and rested one of her hands over his heart and the other cupped his cheek. If he couldn’t sense the shift toward willingness in her mind, this was enough to let him know she was allowing it to happen.

He slammed into her once, and she let out a choked sound. He slowly, torturously pulled out and plunged back into the vacuum he left behind, harder and faster than the first time. Each subsequent thrust precise and chronic. Until she felt the burning around her ears. He wasn’t holding so tight she couldn’t breathe at all, but tightly enough that the limited oxygen during her building pleasure gave her the sensation of floating. All she could do was lay there and let him drive her higher and higher up to the heavens and when she felt her vision go hazy, her body lost all control. Her convulsing reaching vulgar levels and she was just barely sensible of him not slowing down, but speeding up, chasing his own orgasm finally. She was breathing hard when a sudden realization abruptly cut off her pleasure and any air entering her body.

“I haven’t taken any contraceptive for these past six weeks Severus. You musn’t!” She could barely speak under his hand, but she managed to get it out with great effort.

And though he normally did not feel the need to reach completion inside her, today, after all this time, it was the only place he wanted to spill himself. He tightened the grip on her neck, holding her in place, and before she panicked he hoarsely groaned out, “I will go make it, it will be fine.”

It was not the ideal solution, it was always best to take it beforehand, but it had worked for them in the past and she accepted this. She relaxed under him, making her renewed consent once again obvious. With one hand she reached up to his thick black hair and ran her fingers through them, as the other ran her nails ever so lightly along his spine.

Her gentle touches in direct contrast with his rough. They were a perfect balance of the masculine and feminine. She just as strong and powerful in her submission as he in his domination. And not for the first time he felt, somewhere deep in his body, in a place he was not sure even truly existed, but was a physical feeling nonetheless, that _she_ was made for _him_.

She grasped at his waist and pulled him in more, whimpering, “Please.”

Her begging him was his undoing and he could not hold back anymore. He pushed into her one final time and released himself into her. He convulsed atop her until his climax calmed and he settled on over her.

As he released her neck, the sudden invasion of oxygen into her body let loose pent up emotions: the longing of their separation, grief at the potential loss of her family, her feelings of failure, her elation at having just a little bit more time with this man, sudden hope for a future that she might choose for herself. She wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his hair.

He let her, he offered no further comfort than that of his body over and in her, but he did not try to cut her off. She cried until there were no more tears.

They lay like that for some time, their breath synchronized with one another. His face was turned into her cheek and she turned to face him. He opened his onyx eyes and looked into her big brown ones.

“Will you kiss me?” She asked.

After all this time, they had yet to share a kiss. He did not know why he hesitated, he certainly had to the _urge_ to kiss her. He had wanted to whenever they were together and he knew she wanted to. She had never acknowledged that particular lack of intimacy before, allowing it to be as it was, patiently waiting for him to decide.

_Lily_. Before he had discovered the desires of his body, even when he was a boy, he had longed to kiss Lily. He had imagined it so often, he could not bare the idea of kissing another first. Kissing Sonaxi would mean that he had given up all hope of sharing a life with Lily. Though Sonaxi had all his firsts, this was one he had not been able to give her. He understood, at this point in his life, he would not be sharing a kiss with Lily. He was off to his life tomorrow and as her family had left Cokeworth, he would most likely never cross paths with her again.

The longing of the last six weeks weakened his resolve and he was so tempted to put his lips to her warm, soft mouth. He wanted to taste her, _consume her_.

_No_! He was not ready to give up on the one dream that had sustained him all these years. He abruptly withdrew from her and got out of bed. She sat up, the hurt apparent on her face. She had been sure that if she asked he would have kissed her. The rejection was severe. She did not speak, she did not know how to ask _why_. Especially in light of the offer he had made her, she hardly felt it was appropriate to confront him about something so small.

“I need to go brew your potion, wait here”, was all the explanation he gave before he left his rooms.

A few hours later he returned with the brew and shook her awake.

“Here”, he handed Sonaxi the mixture.

Sonaxi took it from him and studied it thoughtfully. Severus shifted his weight impatiently, “What are you waiting for?”

“Wh-what if I didn’t take it?”

His breath hitched. He felt a sense of intense discomfort and splitting, the loss of control turned his stomach. _He wanted it._ The desire to be inside her, to come inside her, his obsession with her belly, all of it underlay his want to make something with her. Young sex was so divested from the consequences, he had avoided the truth of what most aroused his desires. The danger, the forbidden, _the promise._

He stuttered a breath in, and with his exhale, pushing out of his body the base urge to continue down this path. He wanted freedom, and this _would not_ be freedom!

“You can do what you want, but you will be on your own”, he answered callously.

Sonaxi’s chest rose and fell as her emotions regulated. She was tempted to try him, just this once, to call him on his bluff. She knew, she felt, what he wanted in those mindless moments of their joining.

She shrugged, tossed the elixir back and swallowed. There were certainly less permanent ways of testing him. She came up onto her hands and knees, still clad in just her white cotton knickers. She crawled to the edge of the bed where he stood. When she reached him, she came up on her knees, placing her hands on his shoulders and pressed her body against his.

“Maybe...we can just pretend?”

If she could have seen him, she would have noticed his pupils blown out with lust, or just how much he was struggling to keep his breathing steady. She did not see him though, but she felt the evidence of his excitement pressed against her stomach. That she would partake, nay _share_, in this shameful fantasy of his was most exciting. She smirked and they fell back into bed, leaving the logistics of their escape for the wee hours of the morning.

“Imagine how beautiful our baby would be? I would want it to look exactly like you -“,she started.

“What child would want to look like me when they could look you. You are so beautiful Sonaxi”, he mused, playing along for now, aware of what dangerous path these musings might lead them.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was busy over the holiday week, so did not get a change to post earlier. Instead here is an extra long chapter. Tell me what you think about this new information!

The next day, before Sonaxi left Severus’ rooms, they discussed how to escape her family. They decided they would not attend their graduation ceremony, but instead both escape to the trains with the rest of the students. No one from her family would be riding the train back to London, as her parents would be attending the ceremony and her brothers would join them on the return home directly from collecting Sonaxi at the other side of the lake. The lovers would be long gone by the time her parents confirmed that she was indeed missing, that in fact that she was not at all on Hogwart’s grounds and launched an investigation into her whereabouts. She was sent back to her rooms, ahead of the ceremony, to repack her bags, instructed to bring with her only the essentials, as large trunks would slow them down and make it more difficult to escape notice. They had to be quick today.

Being caught would be disastrous for the both of them. She would surely be dragged back home and thrown into her marriage bed much sooner than expected. And Severus would most likely be blacklisted from the ministry due to the connections of her powerful family, soon-to-be aligned with a politically influential one, destroying his life.

Sonaxi knew that the risk he was taking for her was astronomical and she was obligated to ensure that whatever fallout should occur, he would escape consequence._ I have already put in place an insurance policy, he will be okay, I am too far down this path to start doubting now._

She begrudgingly left his room and walked back toward the kitchens, to her own common rooms. She was so lost in her thoughts, and the glow of their post coital bliss, she did not notice the tall, handsome figure of Sirius Black loitering next to the barrels which barred the entrance to her own common rooms.

She yelped in surprise when he broke her concentration with a question, “Well then, did it work?”

Sonaxi scowled at the repugnant boy. She truly, whole-heartedly disliked him, especially as she had become intimately acquainted with the extent of torture to which he had subjected Severus. _The last person I want to see now!_

She didn’t speak, she simply tapped the barrels rhythmically and entered her common rooms. Uninvited, Sirius followed behind, arms crossed, waiting for a reply.

At that particular hour the common room was abandoned and it seemed a better place to have their conversation than their normal meeting spot. _Better even_. She had hated bringing him into her rooms, it seemed too familiar a place to invite someone whom she would rather throttle than speak with. These past six weeks they had little choice, it was the only place she could clear out so they could have privacy. Her roommates assumed that she asked for the sole use of her rooms for intimate activities, hardly a stretch of the imagination, given how attractive her would-be partner was universally considered by the female student body. She was forced to allow them their assumptions. To their great credit, knowing how damaging rumors of her tryst would be to her future, they kept quiet. _He knows me better than most now_, she thought miserably, feeling as if she had given him a part of herself that only belonged to Severus.

“So?”

“It worked, you can leave now. Thank you for your service.” She summarily dismissed him.

Sirius was not used to girls who wanted nothing to do with him. In the past six weeks he had made many and great attempts at seducing Sonaxi. She had, though, something most other girls did not: the same sense of entitlement that his own wealth and upbringing had given him. She was not impressed by his overtures, his money, his good looks, his edgy, yet expensive, style. She wanted to be away from him at all times, _desperately_. How unfortunate then, that she had been forced to spend so much time with him.

Sonaxi glared at Sirius, willing him to turn and leave just by the intensity of disdain emanating off her person. He felt the disgust she had at his presence, though he was not surprised, it always hurt him a little. He was not used to being so unliked.

Sirius smirked, “All right, all right”, he threw his hands up in supplication, “I’ll go. You’ll need me still. You know how to contact me when you get in the city, if you need help.”

Sonaxi continued to frown, but resentfully offered an answer, “Yes, I know. Goodbye.”

Sirius finally exited the common room and Sonaxi made her way up to her rooms. Her previous elation at the promise she had extracted from Severus was now replaced with the enormous guilt she had carried for these past six weeks of her betrayal.

_If he finds out, will he ever forgive me? Will he understand?_ She thought to herself dejectedly. And she knew, unequivocally, the answer was “no”. If she knew one thing about Severus Snape, it was that he was not the forgiving type. His pride too great to let go of any slight against him.

She hated Sirius, and that was reason enough to want to avoid him. A secondary reason she wished to limit her interactions with him was that her immense guilt at having spent time with the handsome Gryffindor made it near impossible to occlude him from her memories as Severus searched her mind.

When Severus entered her this evening, she panicked and shut him out, unsure if she could keep him distracted. He had asked so sweetly though, and she had taken the risk to let him in. Her occlusion had been inelegant, shifting rapidly between memories she wanted him to see, as she avoided visions of Sirius & what they had gotten up to. She would not let him linger on one memory too long, lest he spy something he was not meant to see. He had not questioned the rapidly shifting thoughts though, maybe because he thought she was too distraught to keep them straight, but mostly because he believed that her only skills at occlumency were limited to unrefined shielding, not the more cultivated skills of diversion. He did not suspect deception so he did not look for it. _I will have to practice more though, last night was a close call._ A month and half ago, had she known how much time she would have to spend with Sirius Black, she would not have walked into Professor Sprout’s office.

_That night_, she had slept especially poorly after the Forbidden Forest, disturbed by dreams of Bharat. With the new understanding of her family’s underlying intentions, she felt even more in danger. Before that day, and Severus’ revelations, she felt, if Bharat was as cruel as he had seemed she could get out of the marriage because her parents would help her. But now she knew there would be no help, she would be at the mercy of the Dasguptas. Her parents cared about her marriage more than they cared about her.

Her slumber was disturbed by thoughts of her family and when she would wake she felt an increasing panic at Severus’ extracurricular activities. He was walking down a dark path. It was well known amongst Hogwarts students that many former Slytherin alumni and current students were now working with the rising Dark Lord in one way or another. What good would it do if he ended up right where her family seemed to be?

She knew he had in him a great capacity for love, a longing for life, and all that was overshadowed by his desire to have power and control, to force the course of his own life in the direction he willed. He would have to do terrible things for that power though, and she loved him in his pure form. She loved him just as he was. She did not want him to change for the worse and destroy the one person in her life that she truly, fully, completely loved. _He is good, but might not be for long._

By the morning, her panic was so great that her roommates became concerned. She was lying in bed, unable, or unwilling to move, she had skipped breakfast and the midday meal and did not appear to be making any overtures at exiting her bed anytime soon. She was immobilized with fear. Finally, Clementine was nominated to approach her friend.

She gingerly sat at the edge of Sonaxi’s bed, and pushed her hair out of her face. Sonaxi just laid there, staring off into space, lost in her fears, unacknowleding of her friend.

“My love, what is wrong? Everyone is worried about you.”

Sonaxi didn’t make to answer or acknowledge her. Clementine tried again, she suspected that this had to do with that awful Slytherin boy she was with. Clementine felt a guilt ridden satisfaction, she had warned her!

“Is it Severus, has he-done something? Has he hurt you?”

Sonaxi could not bare such an unfounded accusation thrown at her Severus, it finally brought her out of trance.

“No!”

“Then what is it Sonaxi?”

She sat up in bed, pulled her knees to her chest and protectively wrapped her arms around them. In spite of half a day and night of rest, she dropped her head onto her knees from the sheer exhaustion of hypervigilance.

“I am afraid Clem’s.”

Seeming to need no other prompt, Clementine launched into the lecture she had been holding in the past few months.

“Of course you’re afraid Sonaxi! You seem to have totally abandoned your studying, and spend all your free time with Severus”, she said his name as if it was a curse. “Did you forget? Did you forget! You have time still love. You can still right this.”

Sonaxi fell onto her side and resignedly asked, “How?”

“Talk to Sprout, make a plan!”

Sonaxi sprang up. Clementine had unexpectedly given her a path forward, even if she misunderstood what her problem was. She knew she needed help and she needed an adult she could trust, those were in severe short supply in her life, but their head of house... Sprout was the only person who could provide Sonaxi with solace when first she had sorted into Hufflepuff. She helped Sonaxi understand and feel pride in the characteristics within herself that had seen her sorted into Hufflepuff.

Sprout may be able to guide her through her problems, though she would have to be circumspect in her questions. She could trust Sprout..._to a degree._

“Yes! Yes of course, Clementine. You are right! You are right!”

Sonaxi bounded out of bed and ran to her wardrobe to pick clothes for after her shower. She would clean up and go straight to Sprout’s office.

Clementine stayed seated in her bed, staring at Sonaxi in confusion. Sonaxi stopped in her tracks.

“Oh! Clementine!” She walked over to her friend and threw her arms around her neck. “I am so sorry! You are a real, true, good friend. I love you! I know I’ve been distant lately but that is going to change, I promise! Thank you!”

Clementine felt pleased she had been of help, though she was not quite sure exactly what she had done.

Sonaxi hurriedly ran to clean herself up and rushed down the halls to Professor Sprout’s office. She knocked once and was met with luck when the professor was in and available.

“Sonaxi! Come in my dear!”

Sonaxi entered the professor’s offices, which were adjacent to the greenhouses. They were decorated with an array of rare plants, requiring the professor’s personal and specific care. Besides the foliage, the office was outfitted with a simple desk, a chair and two receiving chairs set directly on the other side of the desk.

Professor Sprout was a rather short witch, with a tuft of curly dark hair wildly falling out of her hat. She preferred robes in earthen colors. She always wore the expression of a nurturing grandmotherly figure. Not Sonaxi’s own grandmothers, who were both statuesque matrons of their clans, in spite of their ages, still quite formidable and intimidating. Nay, Sprout wore the kind expression of a woman for whom love and kindness were not practiced arts.

She moved out of the way, allowing Sonaxi to enter.

“I am surprised to see you sweet girl, it has been a while since your last visit. You look...distressed.”

“Yes”, said Sonaxi as she sank into one of the two chairs facing the professor’s desk, “I have a great many concerns weighing on me.”

Professor Sprout took the chair next to Sonaxi, instead of the one across the desk. _This_ was why Sonaxi loved her head of house. Unlike other teachers, Professor Sprout never felt the need to sit on ceremony. She did not need to establish her authority over her students, especially those who needed her help. She understood that the desk between them would not only be a physical barrier, but also would serve as an emotional barrier.

Instead of pushing Sonaxi to open up, she merely waited, busying herself with conjuring up a tea service in the meanwhile.

Sonaxi spent a considerable amount of time keeping her eyes trained on her hands. Her thoughts were tangled up, her concerns were technically separate, but walked hand in hand. In her haste, she had not considered the repercussions of the confessions she would have to make in order to get help.

So she decided to start with the most straightforward of her problems.

“I...need to do well on the NEWTs”, she said haltingly.

Professor Sprouts eyebrows went up in understanding, but she did not yet speak, she waited for Sonaxi to finish her thought.

“If I do not, I am worried about what will happen to me. I...I...will be forced to marry and I do not want to. I want to be in the world and make my own choices, pave my own way...and the only way I can do that is to do well on my exams and get a job...”

“Ah, I see”, Sprout offered tentatively. Sonaxi’s problem was not unheard of amongst Hogwarts students, but it was rare to deal with it in Hufflepuff, as most of the very traditional families tended to sort Slytherin. There was no shortage of scandal at the end of every year, when one or two female Slytherin’s would slink off after graduation, undetected, out of their parent’s grasp. It was all kept very hush, hush, and if there were whispers that many had help from the headmaster himself, well that was just rumor and _nothing more_!

“How can I help you Sonaxi?”

“I don’t know how to prepare myself, I have allowed myself to be distracted and now the exams are upon us. Please Professor Sprout, please help me!”

“Yes, well...it is quite late to just begin worrying about this, but, I think I can set up tutors for you. You are a very bright witch Sonaxi, but you’ve always struggled to apply yourself. You must now...avoid those _distractions_.”

Sonaxi’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment, wondering if the way Sprout had said that last word meant she had some clue, or outright knew, what Sonaxi had been up to this past year. It also complicated the next bit of business to which she had intended to attend. She wished she had not rushed to her Professor, instead spending some time thinking out exactly how she would approach the topic. She had no skill at artifice, and she would require the most cunning twist of words to extract the answers she desired without giving away Severus. She desperately wished for his adroit manner right now.

"Thank you Professor, I would appreciate that very much!"

She _could_ just stop there, but there was no other adult in her life she trusted enough to ask. So sought the courage to forge on.

Professor Sprout, growing impatient of waiting, cleared her throat and asked, “You said you had a great many things weighing on your mind, is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Yes, well, er...I mean, no! I - I am, maybe? I am not quite sure if you can help?”

Professor Sprout did not know what to say, so she chose not to say anything at all. If the girl wanted to speak, she would.

“I am worried about something...”

“Hmm..”

“I am not particularly familiar with the dark arts, but, out of curiosity... what exactly...are the uses for...”

Professor Sprout leaned in, hoping against hope, that Sonaxi was not about to say what she already knew she was going to say.

“...for unicorn blood?”

Sprout let out a disappointed sigh and brought her lips together in distress. She had not even considered that her Hufflepuffs had been caught up in that Forbidden Forest mess the day before. There had been speculation that the injured Unicorn was a factor in the melee, but no real evidence emerged that it had been disturbed. She had been convinced it was a Slytherin, they had been not-so-subtly becoming more and more invested in the darks arts as of late. She supposed though, that _if_ it were to be any of her students, Sonaxi would be the best candidate. She had never shown a tendency towards the dark arts, or interest in them, but her family history certainly made her particularly susceptible.

Noting Sprouts sudden change in manner. Sonaxi immediately knew she had made a grave mistake. She made to get up, rapidly shifting through excuses as to why her question was unimportant, and how she was in a hurry and she did not want to take up any of her professor’s valuable time. Her instinct told her to use her pretty words and extract herself _immediately_.

“Say no more Ms, Singha”, Sprout also stood abruptly, realizing this must now be referred up to the headmaster himself before Sonaxi’s confessions, or questions, progressed.

In the more formal stance Sprout took with her, Sonaxi confirmed she had made an error in judgment. She tried to rapidly back pedal, “I am sorry Professor, it was just curiosity. I’ve made you uncomfortable. I will just go now. Thank you for helping me with tutors.”

Sonaxi went to leave, even reached the door when she heard Sprout incant, “_Colloportus_.” and with that the exit was barred to her. Sonaxi turned to her head of house, trembling hands still on the handle and her back against the door.

“_Please_”, she whispered desperately, dreadfully wishing she could take back her question.

“I am sorry”, was all Sprout said.

Sonaxi was marched straight up to the headmaster’s office and no shortage of people saw where she went. Her heart was beating a mile a minute as she rapidly tried to figure out how to fix this situation. Her attempts at inconspicuity with Sprout had been such an utter failure she dared not try that again. She resolved to remain silent until the questioning was over. She had not admitted to anything yet and she certainly had not brought up Severus’ name. She could get them out of this!

She was seated in Dumbledore’s office for a half hour while he spoke to Professor Sprout in an adjoining room. Try as she might, she could not make out their conversation. She was scared witless, she did not know if Dumbledore might use Veritaserum, or if he had access to the art of Legilimency. She was too afraid to practice putting in place her mental shields while she waited, lest her mind become tired and her even rudimentary skills were no longer available to her. So she waited to find out her fate.

Dumbledore entered in a flourish of silver gray robes, as usual filling whatever room he entered with a excited, joyous energy. He took a seat at his desk and looked at her over his half-moon spectacles.

“Ms. Singha! Your seventh year and this is the first time I’ve had the pleasure of your charming company!” He declared amicably.

She offered a nervous chuckle and asked, “I do not actually know why I am here Professor.”

“Well Pamona seems a little concerned by some questions you were asking her. By the way, did you hear all that commotion in the Forbidden Forest yesterday? We couldn’t locate the culprits, he or she was long gone before we could get out there to investigate.”

“Oh, no I don’t think so. I was in the castle yesterday, I didn’t hear anything”, she said, looking so plainly guilty that she might as well have confessed right then and there.

“Hmm, so you wanted to know about unicorn blood?”

“Yes, I mean it was just a hypothetical question”, she said staring pointedly at her feet. “I have forgotten it anyhow.”

“Ahhh, I see. No matter.” He feinted as if he was about to dismiss her, when he caught her off guard with his next question, “You and young Mr. Snape spend a considerable time together?”

And it was in the microsecond flick of her eyes that he confirmed his suspicions. “He is quite the talented wizard. You have good taste Ms, Singha. He is going places.”

“Yes”, she whispered, glad to hear him praised.

“I am not the only one to notice unfortunately.”

He let the statement linger there, giving her time to react. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“Once upon a time, I let a similarly talented and skilled wizard escape my notice. Today he rises in the dark world and he is recruiting many of my former and current students to execute his nefarious deeds. Since then, I make it a point to keep track of my particularly talented scholars, especially my Slytherins.”

At this point, Sonaxi had a choice to make. She had noted Severus’ interest in the dark arts, but not until their adventure yesterday did she think he was vulnerable to them. She had assumed that given his half-blood status, he was unlikely to interest the Dark Lord. It appeared she may have been wrong. It was the one hope she had left that Severus would not walk down the dark path. _It seems it matters naught to that wretched wizard if the ends justified the means._ Her heart sank.

As if reading her thoughts, Dumbledore pressed on, “Mr. Snape is extraordinarily talented Ms. Singha, and he is the last of a pure blood line, though he is not himself a pure blooded wizard. Bringing him into the fold would not be unimaginable. He is poised to gain noteworthy employment at the ministry which would provide him access to some very well kept secrets, his skills at dueling and potions make him particularly appealing in the “war efforts” and his legilimency and occlumency abilities make him an ideal spy within the ministry, while protecting him from counter measures. You can see, he is in very terrible danger. As you know better than I, just how much he covets power. So Ms. Singha, if you care for him, tell us what you know. Let us help him. You do not have to be in this alone.”

She did care for him a great deal, but she struggled to speak. She felt profoundly that this would be a betrayal of the highest order. He had, after all, protected her reputation these past months, when she knew that people had wanted to know the extent of their relationship. It would have been easy for Severus to hint, or outright brag, about their activities. Most certainly, doing so would gain him a different type of power amongst the male student body, but he had sacrificed that for her. Did she owe her loyalty to him by keeping her mouth shut, or was loyalty in seeking help when she could not help him herself? Even if it meant to sacrifice their most cherished relationship? She struggled with this question. She knew that _he_ would interpret her seeking out Dumbledore’s help as a betrayal, and she would not be able to keep it from him.

“Professor, is it possible to obliviate specific memories, or only whole memories.”

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, steepled his fingers and entertained her question, “It is possible with a skilled hand, but impossible to know how each individual will react. A witch or wizard may intend to obliviate a specific memory, but instead wipe the whole.” He knew she wanted to speak, but she was hedging her bets.

“Will you promise to try to obliviate the memory of this day if I tell you what you would want to know?”

He has no intention of erasing the girl’s memory, but he would find a way to convince her otherwise, first he wanted to hear her confession. “If after you offer your testimony you wish to be relieved of the burden of these memories, I promise to help you.”

Sonaxi did not care for the way he worded the promise, but she was fairly confident that in spite of any persuasion he would offer, she could still choose to have her memory obliviated. She knew it was a risk, but if Dumbledore could not target a specific memory, who could? The hubris of youth nudged her forward.

“I will answer your questions”, not wanting to offer any more information than necessary.

“Who was in the Forbidden Forest yesterday?”

“Me...and...Severus Snape.”

Her stomach turned when she finally confirmed the headmaster’s suspicions. She felt immediately regretful and wished to take it back. What had she gotten them into?

“And what were you doing in the forest?”

Sonaxi squirmed in her seat, but did not answer. How she wished that Severus was beside her right now, but of course, she knew that whatever fall out there would be for her, it would be worse for him. First, it was his idea. Second, he lacked her access. Even Dumbledore could not withstand the Singha’s considerable influence, especially when they had the full weight of many other well established families behind them. It was always that way with the rich and connected, they stood together, no matter their interpersonal issues, it was a nonverbal pact, their children were untouchable.

She had to be careful moving forward, she knew that Dumbledore knew this was not her idea, but she must not offer that in confession, remaining as neutral as possible.

“We had heard there was a unicorn. We wanted a look.”

“Ah, most beautiful creatures! And did you?”

“Did we what?”

“Have a look of course.”

“Oh yes, we did.”

“Did you get close?”

“Yes...”, she knew she could not lie.

“And how ever did you manage that?”

“I had my sitar, I played until it calmed.”

“Ah, so it was Mr. Snape who got close then?”

Sonaxi winced, sensing she had walked into a trap.

“Well, yes.”

“Severus shows remarkable capabilities outside of what you may have witnessed thus far Ms. Singha. It has long been my belief that he would make a gifted healer.”

Sonaxi did not respond, it seemed that while the clever man had figured out mostly what happened, there was some detail he was trying to work out.

“May I speak plainly?”

“Yes Professor, it would be preferable.”

“It was not until you asked Professor Sprout earlier today about the unicorn blood that we came to realize with what purpose the perpetrators had entered the Forbidden Forest. We suspected, of course, but when we examined the unicorn it seemed wholly unharmed, save for its previous injury. If Mr. Snape harvested it’s blood, it would make sense and he has a skilled enough hand to do it without detection.”

Sonaxi wished it were possible to apparate out of the office right now. She had sold him out! And now she did not know what would befall him. The least she could do was keep her mouth shut.

“Ms. Singha, thus far Mr. Snape has done nothing wrong for which he would be punished. If, however, he has collected unicorn blood and intends to sell it, this cannot stand. There are few uses for it, and none of them in the service of good. It would put him directly in the path and keen notice of the Dark Lord. He has succeeded where many very accomplished and experienced wizards have failed. He would be ripe for collection.

However, your involvement provides us with a tempting opportunity. Perhaps… you and Mr. Snape can save each other.”

Sonaxi did not speak, she was now in a full blown panic. What had she wrought with her poorly thought out questions? It occurred to her again just how ill-suited she was to a ministry career, she was playing checkers and everyone else seemed to be playing chess.

Dumbledore took her silence as encouragement to continue, “I am told of your personal predicament with your family. I have reviewed your school records and you are not without talents, but it appears that you have not applied yourself & that has affected your school work. Though I have seen miracles take place, I have to be honest, it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve the level of proficiency in your NEWTs to escape the future your family has planned for you.”

Sonaxi was floored! His cruel words snapped her attention back to the present. No one had ever said it so plainly. Everyone always encouraged her, and supported her goals. Were they lying? Did they know they were lying? She bristled against his honest assessment however, _how dare he!_

He offered a kindly smile, at odds with his mean words. “I am sorry if this hurts you. I never discourage my wayward wards from trying and I certainly encourage you to continue in your pursuits. I am always happy to be proven wrong when the alternative is a student’s profound disappointment. Yet, in your situation, with the stakes so high, perhaps it would be prudent to put in place a secondary plans?”

_Secondary plans? Guarantee my freedom?_ Sonaxi’s gaze had taken on a focused quality which most pleased the headmaster. He had her where he wanted her!

“Severus does not like many people and yet he has taken quite a liking to you. It would stand to reason he would not be so willing to let that relationship go.”

She spoke for the first time in a while, “He does not intend to continue our relationship.”

“Such is the pitfalls of too much _intellect_ and not enough _feeling_. He thinks he wants to be rid of you, because that is how he imagined it.”

“Even so, what does it matter?” Sonaxi asked, crossing her arms around herself.

“It is my firm belief that Mr. Snape will eventually be recruited by the Dark Lord. His academic fascinations aside, his thirst for power is too great to deny himself for long.”

Sonaxi’s anxieties hit an all-time high and when her mind could take no more she numbed. How much truth about people was she supposed to take? Did she have the wrong of it? How was it that everyone she loved or cared for seemed destined for darkness? Every path seemed to lead there. Maybe she was meant to go there too? What was she resisting?

In the darkest corners of her own mind, she was aware of the pride her family had instilled in her for her blood status. She would be a liar if she did not recognize in what ways it had benefited her, in what ways she had allowed it to passively benefit her. She would simply tell herself, _I can’t help it, it is the way of the world. I haven’t hurt anyone._ She had not hurt anyone when she had her mother pressure Professor Slughorn into reluctantly clearing a spot for her in his Potions class this year. And if it just so happened that the class was completely full, it was a mere coincidence. She did not know for certain if another student had been moved aside to make way for her. _Another student who needed this class, deserved this class, could have made more of an opportunity of this class...I NEEDED it!_

Sonaxi most certainly did not believe in the ideology of the rising Dark Lord, it made her deeply uncomfortable. She did not think she was better than anyone else, she had just been born with better opportunities. _And why not take advantage of them?!_ No one else she knew was going to be forced into a marriage with a man they feared, to be left utterly at his cruel mercy. The price of her opportunities was steep, and required settlement whether she took advantage of them or not.

She had no response, once again lost in her own musings.

“Mr. Snape would see himself named a hero if the opportunity presented itself and the circumstances were just right. If you think on it, you will know I am correct. He has quite the chivalrous streak in him, though it tends toward the possessive.”

Sonaxi just focused on breathing, she did not know where this was going.

“To put it plainly, you need only ask Ms. Singha, he will save you & maybe you can save him from his worst mistakes.”

Sonaxi’s eyes grew in surprise, she was shocked when the full weight of what Dumbledore was proposing fell on her. And yet, after this conversation, how was she to keep the truth from him?

Dumbledore continued, “I have begun a counter-measure group of likeminded Witches & Wizards. People who wish to see a more equitable world. People who are poised to impact the outcomes of our future either by talent, or happenstance. I believe you have a unique opportunity. You are in love with a boy who has potential for greatness, but a weak moral compass. He inexplicably trusts you, when he has trusted no one else in his 7 years here, and you would have access to a wealth of information if my suspicions about him are true. And...”, he added, seemingly as an afterthought, “you would be positioned to interfere so that he may retain some of the purity of his soul.”

Sonaxi involuntarily began to shake her head, willing the last half hour from her mind. She wanted to deny it all, her mind seeking justifications for all she had heard. She did not know this man, though she had seen him for the past seven years of her life, she _knew_ Severus... She _did_ know him and that was why she could not deny the ugly truth. He was vulnerable. He sought control and had little problem with violence. What had transpired between them the first night, strictly speaking, was not negotiated and though he had barely managed to toe the line, she suspected his motivations had less to do with his desire for her and more to do with a need to exert his will over another in a moment of deep pain.

Sonaxi then reminded herself, that she _also_ knew that he had reeled himself in considerably since then, though his aggression had not ebbed, it had willingly taken on chains. He had done so, when she was fairly certain she would not have had the ability to demand them of him for herself. She had not even known that she could make such stipulations on their relationship. Things between them could have been bad, had he been another person, they could have been very bad indeed. She had been vulnerable and for some reason, he had not taken advantage of that. He had offered. He had _tried_ to be better. He _could_ be better.

“We are going our own ways Professor, I have already told you, he has no intention to carry on our relationship beyond graduation.”

“Yes, that is a problem, his _intentions_. We are now presented with an array of options Ms. Singha. I suspect, you would wish to carry on your relationship beyond these walls?”

Sonaxi was uncomfortable and she had not yet even admitted to herself how badly she wanted that. She did not confirm it now out loud, but the pained look on her face was confirmation enough.

“Two muggle phrases come to mind Ms Singha, perhaps you’ve heard them. The first is “to kill two birds with one stone” and the second “distance makes the heart grow fonder”. I suspect Mr Snape does not know how much he cares because he’s never had to miss you. You have approximately 6 weeks before graduation, in that time, if you wish to take this opportunity, it would be prudent to provide you with some skills that would assist you in your spying. Those skills are best cultivated away from Mr. Snape.”

Sonaxi flinched at that word, she was not _spying_!

At that moment she felt a presence prodding at the periphery of her mind, and she reflexively threw up her shields. Dumbledore’s face broke out in the most beatific smile.

“Ah, you surprise me Ms. Singha! You’re not wholly without talent for this job!”, wisely choosing to avoid the world spying, after her reaction to it. “We will have to refine it though, if I am correct, Severus is fairly talented in the art of legilimency.”

She was not sure how to move forward, but this seemed like a good opportunity. She would not give up on her first plan, she would still study and try to win her freedom on her own merit, but the headmaster was offering her a choice that would give her everything she wanted, _nay more_! He seemed certain that his way guaranteed she would not be separated from Severus. And she felt selfish and small, but she wanted that, and she did not care how she got it.

“What would I have to do?”

“It’s simple, for the next six weeks, stay completely away from Severus, not a word, a look, do not give him the opportunity to enter your mind, or the ruse will be up. In that time, if I understand that young man’s motivations correctly, as many young men tend to be, he will realize just how important you are to him.”

Sonaxi was not so sure. She did not feel confident of Severus’ affections towards herself as the headmaster seemed to be. He may grow angry and resentful, he may be glad to be rid of her, he may realize he did not care for her at all. Maybe it was just the sex that kept him interested...she felt sick with self-doubt. She did not want to know if he did not care about her, it would be easier to follow his plan for them. To merely separate at graduation as was planned, rather than face the heartbreak of outright rejection.

Dumbledore continued, “I have alternate motives for a separation. In addition to allowing the young man time to realize the extent of his attachment to you, it would be prudent we equip you with a more skilled occlumency set. Otherwise, as soon as you are near one another he merely needs to probe your mind and all will be revealed."

_Learn occulemency? In six weeks?_ _ Enough to fool Severus?_

“I see your hesitancy Ms Singha. Let me just say this, if you change your mind, you are not held to any promises to me. You are welcome to change course and go on your way.”

“You said you would obliviate me if I asked...” she reminded him.

“Ah! Yes. Well if that is what you desire. I am happy to do it right now, but before I do, are you ready to risk all the memories you’ve built here at Hogwarts? With your family? ...with Severus?”

Sonaxi blushed bright. Dumbledore had certainly hit the right chords. She did not wish to risk her memories with Severus, especially if they would be the only ones she would have of experiencing love. _And yet_...without a guarantee of her success in executing Dumbledore’s plans, or her own ill-conceived ones, there was a certain appeal in being merely a shell of a person. She would remember no hopes, dreams, loves, and maybe she could just accept what was happening to her. Yes, the bliss of ignorance was tempting. So she decided to take a risk.

“If I fail, will you obliviate me?”

Dumbledore was not unaccustomed to Sonaxi’s particular situation, but it never became easier to see his students so utterly helpless and afraid.

“No, I won’t Ms. Singha, but I promise, you will be free if that is your choice. I will help you", he said it so gently and earnestly, Sonaxi did not doubt him for a second.

Hot tears burst forth, she did not know what he meant exactly, but he had just offered her something that had been increasingly slipping away. In the past few months she had desperately sought one last opportunity at happiness before resigning herself to the awful life that was chosen for her. She had mostly given up on her future but now here it was, within grasp. _Freedom!_ And she wanted it. She did not care what it took to get, when it was so openly offered to her.

“It is my hope that the skills you develop during these six weeks, combined with your considerable charm, beauty and connections can open doors that are closed to many of us in the Order.”

“The Order?”

Dumbledore smiled, “Some amongst our group insist we have a name. We are the Order of the Phoenix. Mostly comprised of well established, talented and accomplished witches and wizards. However, we have need of a younger set of talent, as many of the Dark Lord’s recent recruits are still students, or just barely out of school.”

“I see”, Sonaxi answered in resignation. Her feeling of triumph and determination, quickly replaced with regret. This was the best deal she could hope for...for herself at least. She felt guilty, but she could not pass it up. And, as Dumbledore had said, she could actually help Severus, that would have to be enough.

“Then we are agreed?”

“I suppose”, she hated herself.

“Very well, please wait here”, Dumbledore said as he moved spritely toward his door. He stepped out for five minutes and returned.

“Care for a lemon drop Ms. Singha?”

Sonaxi’s stomach was unsettled, she had not eaten all day, and now she was overcome with guilt and self-loathing, so she gladly accepted, “Thank you.”

Dumbledore busied himself and they waited, Sonaxi did not know what for. They waited for what felt like an hour, but was most likely only 15 minutes, when a knock came at the door.

“Enter!” called out the headmaster.

Sonaxi turned, just as Sirius Black entered through headmaster’s doors. Both were overcome with surprise and neither’s face hid it. Sirius’s schooled itself into his signature self-assured smirk and Sonaxi’s settled into utter contempt. And this was before she knew the extent of Sirius’s transgressions against her Severus.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This holiday season has been CRAZY! I have been slowly working on this chapter, I had to explain what happened during the six weeks from Sonaxi's perspective. Next chapter we advance the story.

Dumbledore allowed the two to take the measure of one another for a minute longer, immediately assessing that his planned partnership would be uneasy at best, outright hostile at worst. He did not, however, reconsider his decision. This pair in particular were products of overindulged and entitled upbringings. Both came from powerful magical lines and yet neither showed any particular distinction in their practice. It was unlikely they would grow while comfortable.

“Mr. Black! Thank you for joining us!” Declared Dumbledore, as if he had not already noted the angry tension building in the room.

“What is he doing here?” Asked Sonaxi, crossing her arms.

“Mr. Black is to help us in our endeavors Ms. Singha.”

Sonaxi’s brow knitted, but she did not speak further.

Sirius walked further into the room, keeping an eye trained on Sonaxi. Weary of her, sensing danger as he approached. She seemed a coiled snake, ready to attack at any second. He did not know why she disliked him so, he had done nothing to her. In fact, he had been nothing but nice to her, as was his general policy when it came to pretty girls. He had seen her with Snivellus of course, and he suspected that may have to do with the attitude. He hated when people did not like him and he wanted a better understanding of her reasons. What did she care that he was mean to Snape, it never stopped Lily from being friends with him.

Sonaxi was surprised to fell a prodding at her mental walls again, but very different from when Dumbledore had attempted to enter her mind. That had been gentle, like fingers grazing the surface of a body of water. Just a test. A little tickle. With Severus it always felt like he was pushing against a porous surface, a subtle, but firm and patient pressure, unrelenting, backed by a considerable amount of magical energy, until finally he was in your mind, like a pop, and then you could not detect him. His searches as seemless as her own thoughts.

This was something wholly different, the way it caressed at her mental walls, it was like the hand of a lover just beginning his seduction, it momentarily lulled her into a calmer state of mind. She _wanted_ the touch, her walls arched into the advances, beckoning them to enter. With great effort, she became sensible that this was a trick and she willed all her energy into bringing down, with immense force, her mental walls on those wily psychic hands.

Sirius gasped, he had not expected that. He circled around her chair, tracking her, like a panther zeroing in on his prey, until he reached his own chair and took a seat in one smooth, fluid motion.

“Sirius, I see you are now aware that you are dealing with an occulemens of some talent, but little practice. Thus far, your skills have not been tested. You have no ability to detect if you are dealing with an occulemens, or not. And, as we know, that has led to some serious mistakes as of late”, Dumbledore gave Sirius a pointed look over his glasses. Sirius lost his bravado immediately, shamed for whatever he was being accused of, sinking down in his chair.

“You two are to practice together. As Ms. Singha learns to avoid your interrogations, you are to determine when she is misleading you and when you’ve attained the truth from her.”

Sonaxi was on high alert now. She did not want anyone in her mind, she could not keep her secrets for long if she allowed this to happen.

“No! I do not agree to this!”

Both Sirius and Dumbledore turned their attention to her. She looked back only at Albus in utter disbelief and anger. How could he know so much about her Severus and not be aware of how much he would be damaged by allowing Sirius this much access to his personal life?

“I assume you do not agree because you want to protect Mr. Snape from Mr. Black’s further taunts?”

Sonaxi just eyed the headmaster, his question required no answer, and she was so angry she could not imagine opening her mouth to speak and not saying something which would get her immediately expelled.

Dumbledore’s features softened, “I hope that Mr. Snape knows just how lucky he is Ms. Singha. I hope he earns your devotion.”

It may have been a trick to make her more malleable, but it worked. Sonaxi’s body and face relaxed.

“Sirius here has made many difficult choices in his young life Ms. Singha, but he fails to grasp that choosing a side and walking the path go hand in hand. He needs to practice the skills you so naturally excel at, so I understand your concerns. Before we continue, an Unbreakable Vow will be made, if Sirius wants to continue to be in service to the Order he must improve in his Legilimency, in order to do so, he must make some vows. He must commit!”

Dumbledore now turned to Sirius, raising his brows in an unspoken question.

“What kind of vows?” Sirius asked petulantly, arms crossed.

“Well I would rather Ms. Singha suggest them.”

He turned his gaze back to Sonaxi.

“Uh...”, she has not had much time to consider her concerns, but she tried anyways, “first, you can never repeat anything you learn to others.”

“Fine.”

“Second, you will do nothing to damage my relationship with Severus.”

“Fine.”

“Very good, shall we then?” Said Dumbledore, taking out his wand.

The vows were made and the two were left to their own devices as to how to work out their arrangement. They were so hurriedly pushed out of the headmaster’s office that they could do nothing but stare disbelievingly at his closed door. When it did not open again with the headmaster declaring he was merely jesting, they walked down the stairs, confused and defeated.

It was Sirius who broke the silence first, “I have a place we can practice.”

“Where?” Asked Sonaxi frostily.

“Just meet me outside, in the back, tomorrow evening.”

“Fine”, Sonaxi said, already walking away, readying herself to hide in Hufflepuff. She had agreed to Dumbledore’s plan, but she was still determined to do well on her NEWTS. Hopefully, Professor Sprout’s offer of tutoring was still on the table. Clementine was talented at Ancient Runes and perhaps she would begin there tonight, with her friend’s help.

After spending the better part of the evening with her friend, studying and catching up on months of gossip and conversation, Sonaxi fell fitfully in bed. That’s when she first had the opportunity to truly consider the weight of what she had agreed to do. She craved Severus’ arms around her. How quickly she had become accustomed to falling asleep next to him, his rhythmic breathing pulling her into a deep slumber. _You will just as quickly get used to sleeping without him._ But not that night, or even for many nights afterwards. The absence of something one never had did not cause as much pain as the a sense of something one knew profoundly and lost. Sonaxi would learn this lesson the hard way over the next six weeks.

The next day went slowly, the torture of sitting still as her mates attended classes and meals, while she did everything to avoid the crowds was unbearable. That evening she finally left her house, meeting Sirius at the appointed time and location. He was waiting on her, and in spite of herself she could not help but note just how roguishly handsome the curly haired Gryffindor was. She curled her lip at herself for her weakness, _do not forget what he is._

“Where are we going?” She asked Sirius, uncharacteristically cold.

“Merlin, Sonaxi! You could be nicer.”

“It was not part of the deal. Let’s go.”

Wordlessly, he began to lead her to their final destination. They approached the Whomping Willow and Sirius pulled out his wand in a great, showy flourish, and immobilized the tree.

“This is your secret?” Asked Sonaxi, mockingly.

Sirius looked at her confused, sure he would have broken through her cold shell for a moment with his secret.

“Are you not impressed?”

“Severus already showed me”, Sonaxi sneered.

It dawned on Sirius just how close the two actually were. He had never seen any intimacy between them. On the rare occasion he had seen them in each other’s proximity, hard to miss, as Severus was never seen with anyone else, he did not note any particular fondness between them. Mostly, it appeared they tolerated each other. Now he came to realize that the depths of their connection was much more hidden than at first appearance.

He smirked, “Ah so you know how he found it? It was one of my most epic pranks, if only James had not interfered.”

Sonaxi was curious and proactively angry, she wanted to know what had happened. “You’ve such a way with words, I long to hear it in your own words. Severus is always so....laconic”, she said, dripping with sarcasm, saccharine smile on her lips.

Sirius chuckled, “We’ve been coming here for years. Especially when Lupin turned, for his safety and everyone else’s -“

“Turned...”

Sirius’ brow quirked with suspicion, apparently she did not know all. What does it matter now... “Werewolf of course.”

“Of course...”

“Anyhow, Severus considers himself so talented, so I decided to put him to the test. I sent him after Lupin. I was going to make sure nothing happened, but James decided to be a hero. Didn’t want to take any risks”, Sirius scoffed.

_What? WHAT?!_ “You could have killed him...”, the calm of her tone not betraying the intensity of anger that was bubbling beneath the surface.

“He would have been fine”, replied Sirius, waving his hand dismissively.

He turned his back to Sonaxi, deciding that the conversation was over, about to enter the tree through the roots.

Sonaxi was rooted to the ground, immobilized with disbelief. She knew about the animosity between Severus and this boy, but to have _disregarded_ his safety to this degree, so callously, was unfathomable to her. The slow build of her rage finally hit an apex, and exploded forth, directed right at the unsuspecting boy walking away from her. Wandlessly, she blew him into the base of the tree. His body hit with a wet thud and slumped to the ground, laying there motionless. She _almost_ walked away, but it would make her just as bad as him. She went to check on him, he was sprawled face down on the ground, out cold, but his back was rising and falling steadily. Satisfied she had done her duty, she did walk away, thinking she would not have been particularly sad if he were dead.

She had not gone far when she heard him groan from behind her and the telltale rustling of him rising from the ground. When he was unconscious, on the ground, she found it easy to leave him, but hearing him struggle behind her stopped her in her tracks. She let out a defeated sigh, she could not just leave him there. She turned around and glared at him, only able offer her attention in assistance for the moment.

“Bloody hell, what happened?” Asked Sirius, not at all aware that she had unwittingly attacked him. He had a noticeable bruise forming on his forehead, that he was holding.

“Not enough”, replied Sonaxi, refusing to allow herself to feel guilt. _He deserved more!_

“You did that?!”

“I didn’t mean to”, her resolve breaking as quickly as she had made it. She wasn’t the vengeful type, it never made her feel better beyond the moment. She stalked over to him, offering her hand to help him up. Sirius looked at it like it was a trick, she did not blame him.

“I’m not sorry”, she said, “but let me help you. It was not meant on purpose.”

Sirius tried to rise on his own, but his feet did not find purchase on their own. He would need help. He reluctantly took hold of her hand and when he was on his feet, he put his arm around her shoulders, allowing her to carry most of his weight. She was sturdy and strong enough to assist him all the way back to the castle. Once they arrived she realized the best way to get through the castle undetected was through the Prefect passageways Severus has shown her. She was in a panic the whole way, sure she would run into Severus, but they managed to get Sirius up to his common rooms. They remained silent until he uttered the password to the Gryffindor common rooms. She meant to leave him there, but the hour was late, and no one was around to help him up to his bed. She had him give her directions and she hoisted him into bed, suspecting that he had most likely regained his strength long back, but was punishing her.

She made to leave when a voice called out from his bed, “Help an invalid out of his clothes will you?”

“Shhhh”, she did not want to rouse his roommates and start rumors. She scowled, but pulled out her wand and disappeared his clothes. _All of them_. Sirius yelped and covered up his nakedness before she could really see anything. When he was distracted she quickly slipped out of his rooms, from Gryffindor house and through the main hallways, careful to steer clear of any patrolling prefects, back to her rooms. She collapsed into bed, disappointed that she had not studied, nor practiced occlumency, wasting her whole evening.

She made a halfhearted attempt at satisfying the need left behind by Severus’ absence but as expected it led to nothing but frustration and irritation. She fell asleep and awoke the next day hopeless and forlorn.

Someone knocked at the door. Sonaxi, still half asleep, and having no desire to face the day, ignored the knock. _She_ was not expecting anyone anyhow. Again the knock came, more insistent. Again Sonaxi ignored them knock. Then from the other side a quizzical voice, “Sonaxi, is this your room?!”

Sonaxi bolted up in bed, how had he found her? She got up, pulled a robe over her night set, and opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” She hissed are Sirius.

Sirius had sweet talked a 5th year into allowing him access to the Hufflepuff rooms and she had helped him locate Sonaxi’s dorm. Most of her housemates were at class and they would be left alone, he could skip classes and they would have ample time to practice, he explained. This was their best option.

Sonaxi wrapped her robe tighter around herself, and was tempted to make herself more presentable for company, but this was Sirius and he deserved none of her consideration.

“Fine”, she replied tersely, sitting down on her bed.

Sirius took off his robes, loosened his tie and kicked off his shoes.

“You’re making yourself comfortable”, noted Sonaxi, annoyed.

“Well we will be here for a while.”

He extracted a red ball from his pocket and held it up for Sonaxi to see. “Your goal is to hide this. Do not let me see it in your mind.”

“How?”

“Start by shifting thoughts rapidly, as the ball comes to the forefront, switch memories. Start by thinking of innocuous things, a favorite childhood memory, your first day at Hogwarts, anything that will distract you from the red ball.”

Sonaxi took a deep breathe, closed her eyes and Sirius could not help but think how wasted this beauty was on the likes of _Snivellus Snape_.

“All right, go”.

Sirius began his foray into her mind, but was met with solid walls. “Let them down Sonaxi, you cannot rely on them. Even I could rip them down with enough effort. And it is obvious you are trying to hide something if they’re the first thing an Legllimens meet.”

Sonaxi lowered her walls and immediately her first thought was the red ball.

“Bloody hell!”

“It’s all right, try again.”

This time Sonaxi succeeded in diverting Sirius for a few seconds, before he found it. They went at it again and again, and she did not improve much. About a quarter hour into their practice, seemingly without trying, the first time she was with Severus at the Yule Ball came to the forefront. Sirius saw enough before Sonaxi had the wherewithal to clamp down her walls.

Sirius whistled lecherously, “My, my. Not so nice after all eh?”

“That’s private!” She yelled, her anger again blowing him back, seemingly without her will or permission. _How dare he?_ Not only was he stealing her most personal moments, but he was seeing Severus in a way that he had no right to, not when he has been his torturer in a far greater capacity than she had ever realized before the night prior.

“Fuck! You have to stop doing that!” He got up and when he saw the anger obviously etched across her perfect features, he brushed himself off and laughed at her, “You think you will spy for the Order and a deatheater will care what you consider _private_? You are an idiot then!”

“Severus isn’t...”

“_He will be_. Dumbledore says so. And you may paint him as some great hero in your fantasies, but he will hurt you to get what he wants. I didn’t see much, but I saw enough! He doesn’t care about you.”

“He cares about me!”

“You will just have to learn the hard way Singha! In any case, I think we found something you are desperate to hide. Maybe you will try harder.” Without warning he was in her mind again, this time specifically seeking out memories of Severus. She shut him out repeatedly, but not before he could gather the extent of their relationship. She not only liked him, she _loved_ him, Sirius realized pityingly.

Sonaxi was exhausted at defending herself against the onslaught, and so far all she had done was exercise the strength of her mental walls. She had hardly begun to divert.

“Please stop! I can’t anymore today.”

Unbeknownst to the pair, Clementine was approaching their rooms after her late afternoon classes. She had run into Severus when leaving the house earlier. She came to deliver the news that he was currently awaiting her outside their house.

As she came upon the door she overheard two voices within.

“We don’t need to go anywhere else, we can just do it here. If you come early enough, I am sure my room mates will keep clear until we are done.”

“Fine. If you’re sure.”

Clementine was shocked to overhear Sonaxi and a boy, definitely not Severus, who was outside their house door still, discussing the details of a rendezvous. If she stopped to consider, she would have found the whole exchange fairly dispassionate for the topic, but she had come to realize she did not know her best friend as well as she thought she did at the beginning of the year.

She opened the door to find Sonaxi sitting on her bed, in her robe and Sirius Black standing over her in a state of undress. Both looked disheveled and their hair tosseled. She gasped, she could not believe Sonaxi was being so careless and that she had moved on so quickly. Though her new suitor was much more preferable to the Slytherin boy.

The pair jumped, Sirius quickly getting away from the dark haired beauty on the bed.

“Sonaxi! What are you doing?” Asked Clementine.

Sonaxi understood what Clementine’s assumption had been and rapidly calculated how else she could explain Sirius’ presence in their rooms. She did not think to work it out earlier and no lie came to her at the ready. So she let Clementine’s assumptions stand. She looked so guilty that she did not have to say much.

“Excuse me”, Clementine said to Sirius as she sidled past him. She needed to urgently tell Sonaxi the news she had come to deliver, made all the more complicated by her discovery of the last few moments.

She whispered in Sonaxi’s ear that Severus was outside the Hufflepuff common rooms, looking for her. Sonaxi’s eyes grew wide and brimmed with tears.

_He is right outside. I could go out there and touch him. And yet, I have so many secrets now, it would destroy everything...us._

She turned to Sirius, “You have to stay here!”

“Why? I told James I would meet him this evening for dinner.”

“Just wait! Severus is outside, I don’t know what he will think if he sees you.”

“You are not the only Hufflepuff! He will assume I was with someone else. I am quite charming you know”, he said, winking at Clementine, who blushed and then chastised herself. “I have to go.”

He gathered his things. Strictly speaking he did not have to go, he could have waited for a while, but he could not pass up the opportunity to make Severus squirm. Sonaxi desperately followed Sirius, asking him to take another path out of the rooms, but he refused, enjoying the power he held in that moment. She pleaded with him all the way to the door, and only at the last moment, when he pulled it open, did she paste herself flush with the wall next to it, hoping to avoid Severus catching sight of her.

She overheard the whole exchange between the two boys with bated breath, only releasing it when she heard Sirius tell Severus that he was there with someone else. Thanking the heavens that she had extracted the vow from him, knowing he would not have restrained himself otherwise.

The next four weeks passed both achingly slow and in a flash. Between studying all night and practicing all day, Sonaxi had never worked so hard in her life. Every night she had the intense urge to forget it all and run to Severus. She wondered what he was doing, did he miss her, did he think of her? She knew he must be cross with her, he would not stay sad for long. It was just as likely he would embrace her as he would send her away when finally they came face to face. It would just depend on the day, what had happened to him, she hoped she caught him on a good one.

The morning of her potions NEWT arrived all too fast, and she was a wreck. She would be seeing him for the first time and also it would set the tone for the rest of her exams. She would know after today which paths lay ahead of her. One was about to open or become permanently closed.

She arrived early, she had not been in a class for some time and it was a strange feeling to both be back and realize she would never be back after this day. There was nothing to do, so she fidgeted, listlessly moving object to and fro, with no end goal in mind, just to have something to do. Then she felt it, it was like a tapping on her heart, it’s chambers so wholly belonging to another that when he entered her presence they jumped with joy, it’s master was near.

She did not think he would attempt to enter her mind at this juncture, but as insurance she put up her mental walls, as she heard his fast clip approaching directly behind her. She prepared herself to face him finally, but before she could steady her breath, she was suddenly turned around by her upper arm. She looked up into his face, so full of anger and hurt, she did not know how she would begin. She so badly wanted to touch him, kiss him, hold him, run away with him to a corner of the world where nothing mattered but the two of them. Inexplicably his mask softened, and he spoke much more gently than she had expected of him, “Where have you been?”

She wanted to answer him, she wanted to soothe his heart, but she did not have an answer at the ready for such a simple question, so she begged off until later.

“I cannot talk about it now Severus. I will explain everything later. I _must_ do well today. Please...” She prayed to the Gods who never seemed to answer her call that he would let it be. This time they did. Severus released his breath and let her go. He almost walked away, when he stopped short. Sonaxi immediately tensed, afraid he could not let it go, but instead he looked at her longingly, as if she would disappear right then and there, and whispered, “I ... missed you.”

Sonaxi almost weeped, out of joy or guilt, she did not know, but she returned the sentiment. “I have missed you too.”

The exam was an utter disaster. She could not think straight. She often looked over at Severus, burning with envy for his skill at this task. She felt an inexplicable irritation at him, wishing for his hand to slip just a little, to be human, but here he was, perfection embodied. He seemed barely to pay attention, it was as simple as walking a path he had walked a thousand times, today just being as meaningless as yesterday, and tomorrow.

Before he completed his final potion, he looked at her strangely, with pity probably, she thought. If her disappearing act were not enough to push him away, she was afraid her abysmal performance at the task would do the job. Severus did not suffer fools willingly, and right now she felt like the most foolish witch at the school.

Severus stoppered his final potion and turned in his work. He came back to collect his belongings and Sonaxi did everything she could to avoid his gaze, but she knew he could tell with one look just how awful she was performing. She looked away, she did not want to see whatever lurked behind those obsidian eyes, she could not bare his disappointment on top of her own.

Time was up and she had only completed two formulas, and both looked absolutely wrong. She hung her head in defeat and turned in her work. She knew then and there, she was not escaping her family’s claws on her own merit.

She collected her books and exited the rooms with them clutched tightly to her chest. She began the long walk back to her common rooms when she saw him. The tears that had been threatening to fall from her eyes flowed without her permission. He reached a hand out and cupped her cheek and she leaned into his touch. She needed him right now. She needed to be held right now. Had he continued to simply hold her, she would have allowed herself to become lost in his embrace. Instead he chose to speak, “Sonaxi...” His questions clear, though unspoken.

_Shit, if you let him get too far he will know everything. I do not have the will to resist right now, I cannot divert him._ She looked away, “I can’t Severus, I need to go!” With that she pulled away more abruptly than she had intended, and set a quick pace away from the one thing in the world she wanted to walk toward. He did not call out to her and she did not turn back to him.

The remainder of her exams went much the same. It was not that she did not know the material, she did, she had studied, but with so much pressure to do well her mind just turned to mush when it came time to perform. She did not need her results to know she had thoroughly mucked all this up for herself.

The night before graduation, she lay in her bed, knowing this was the moment she would have to decide her future. She had continued training with Sirius and it seemed he rarely knew when she was distracting him anymore. Unfortunately, she had not managed to succeed before he had extracted every intimate detail of her and Severus’ relationship, which saddened her. Not only because she did not want Sirius to have so much access to information about someone who he hated and she loved, but also because it felt less meaningful to have someone else witness their love at such close proximity.

Given her proficiency outside of test taking and her total failure while taking her exams, she worried she might not be able to pull off occluding from Severus. She also worried that he would reject her. As the hours ticked by, so did her opportunity. She went over her reasons to, and not to, go, and like most decisions that change the course of one’s life, it seemed to take forever and then the decision was made all at once. She was up and out of her bed, chest heaving and hand on his door. She was going to take her life into her hands.


	26. Chapter 26

Sonaxi made her way to her rooms. Once there she found a frenzy of last minute activity. Her roommates where trying to get themselves together, some were crying, others were packing, and in their distraction none noticed Sonaxi re-packing a small bag with essentials and any items of muggle value she could liquidate outside the magical world.

When it was almost time to head to the ceremony, her roommates began to send their trunks down one by one, until only Sonaxi and Clementine were left. Most made their way to the grounds, but Clementine remained behind to help her friend, much to Sonaxi’s chagrin. _Why must she always be so reliable?!? How do I get rid of her!_ She could not risk walking down and being seen, because then she may be spied leaving. She made it look as if she was looking for something, hoping Clementine would finally give up and go. She had to make it to the trains before they left. It was her only chance, Clementine was at a loss as to what caused Sonaxi’s delay, but like the true and loyal friend she was, she waited patiently.

“Sonaxi? What are you looking for? Let me help you. We will be late.”

“Don’t worry Clem, go ahead, I’ll be right there, I’m sure it’s here somewhere!”

“What is?”

“My...er...wand!”

“What? You’ve lost your wand?”

“I have, and I need it for the ceremony. Go ahead, I will catch up.”

“Er, if you are sure?”

She hesitated by the door and that’s when it hit Sonaxi, in all her ire at her friend, she had forgotten that this would be the last time the two would be in this room together. 7 years! And possibly, this might be the last time she would see Clementine.

Sweet Clementine, who held Sonaxi when she cried herself to sleep through her first year as a Hufflepuff. The girl who always sought to give her good advice but never impose her will on her. Her friend who had kept her secrets, shared her problems. Clementine had helped her these past weeks, even though she had every cause to reject Sonaxi after her treatment of Clementine. _How could you be so unkind Sonaxi?!?_

Sonaxi walked to her friend and threw her arms around her shoulders. “Oh Clementine, that every girl should be blessed with a friend like you! You’ve been the reason this place was bearable on the hardest days! I am going to miss you! Go on! I’ll see you soon. Goodbye!”

Clementine was confused, Sonaxi rarely showed such open affection for anyone; but she chalked it up to graduation day sentimentality and innocently returned her hug, unawares that Sonaxi’s farewells were more permanent than for simply the few moments to come.

Clementine untangled herself from her friends arms and giggled, “Hurry up!”

“I will!”

And off went the final hurdle to her escape. Sonaxi waited until she was sure that the house was sufficiently empty, sent her trunks down with the elves, picked up her one remaining bag and made swiftly for the train platform which was scheduled to depart any minute. The late hour of her departure left little time for many to note Sonaxi’s presences on the platform. She slipped in during the commotion and found a quiet corner in the back and did her best to hide.

As Sonaxi & Severus had discussed the night prior, they should avoid being seen in each other’s presence until they had arrived at Kings Cross. Instead they had arranged to meet at a pre-determined location outside the station.

Sonaxi garnered more attention than she would have wanted, but she was pretty and popular and therefore it was expected. Fortunately, no one seemed to take note of then sullen Slytherin in the front of the train. Her family may come to know that she was there, but not with whom. Neither had been on the roster of train riders but, as they well knew, in the chaos it was next to impossible to cross check the list with the actual riders.

The ride was uneventful and their escape seamless. Severus had provided meticulous directions and they met up without incident. Sonaxi felt positively provincial with the manner in which she was gawking at London. She had rarely been in the city, and always straight to Diagon Alley, or a pre-determined location by the floo network. To see the city and the sites, like a common muggle, walking down the street, was truly a treat for the closely guarded girl.

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

“Yes”, came her breathy reply.

They waited for half a day and then made their way back to King’s Cross, where they purchased tickets to Birmingham, after two hours on another train, they caught a taxi to Cokeworth and arrived at a dismal, stormy, depressing street filled with identical houses, set in close proximity to one another. Sonaxi had never been to the Midlands, but she had seen pictures, this was not the rolling lush hills she had expected. It was as if someone had decided a to cast the streets in black and white and set a permanent gray cloud overhead, to remind the residents that their lives were hopeless. She felt bad at her disappointment, but she had to make the most of it, she would be with Severus, and she would be free. _And that must be good enough for now!_

Severus, who had grown used to the sight of his sad home, saw it again through fresh eyes and felt an intense embarrassment and regret at bringing this pristine princess to such an awful dirty place. He wished to take back his offer and send her away. He knew she would be too polite to say anything and he would not know her true thoughts until later.

Sonaxi reached out and took his long, elegant fingers into hers. He felt somewhat reassured, at least she had not run in the opposite direction, _it would have to be enough for now!_

They made their way to Spinner’s End and much to Sonaxi’s surprise Severus was able to distinguish his identical home from the rows upon row of dark, dreary, worn down homes. They arrived at the doorstep, Sonaxi spying the occasional inquisitive lifting of curtains from the other homes, and just as quickly it would fall away, the nosy neighbor never revealing themselves wholly.

_These will be my new neighbors._ Sonaxi’s thoughts drifted toward the new life on which she was to embark. She mused about what kind of tea she would take, what she would do with herself all day, where she would go, whom she would befriend. She felt suddenly overwhelmed, her breath caught in her chest and she almost gave up before she started. _One thing at a time, ole girl, you can quit tomorrow, but just wait..._

Severus interrupted her thoughts, “Wait here, my father will not be home yet, but my mother will be. I need to go speak to her.”

Sonaxi nodded her assent. Severus untangled his hand from hers and ascended the two steps to his home. He was in there for some time, so Sonaxi wiped away the dust from the bottom step and sat down. She was suddenly overcome with fear, she had wanted to leave a mere minute ago, but what if his mother rejects her and she is forced to go back?_ I don’t want to go back!_

_“You do not know what you want Sonaxi!”_

The memory surfaced suddenly. Her second time with Severus, he had seen her better than she had known herself. He was wrong in one aspect though. She knew what she wanted, she just could not accept that as she grew older she was having to face a world where she could no longer have everything exactly as she wanted it. She dropped her head onto her knees, as if the weight of disappointments in her life were suddenly too much to bare.

Sonaxi shook away the thoughts, lifted her chin onto her knees, and focused on her near future. Severus said she would have to help his mother. Perhaps he had forewarned her because he worried she was not used to work. In fact, she rather enjoyed domestic tasks. Making things beautiful, cooking, organizing, were all things at which she excelled. She was raised by a squib nanny, who was required to do all her work by hand rather than magic. Her own parents had so little time for her, she spent most of her time before Hogwarts following her Aiya around helping with all the tasks she had. She had learned the hard way of making a house a home, and she loved working with her hands. In fact, what she had come to most dislike about magic was that a wand could so easily become a wall between oneself and the world, if a witch or wizard let it be. There was never a necessity to touch, feel, or experience. As he experienced more and more the cruelty of people, Severus had allowed his wand to distance himself from everything around him, until Sonaxi. She often wondered how long, before the Yule ball, anyone had even touched him. Sonaxi was aware that he pitied her lack of skill, but when she was honest with herself she felt much the same about his lack of life experience. He had allowed himself to come so close to an emotional death, she worried sometimes, even now, if the rot was too deeply embedded.

As she waxed poetic on the stoop of his home, Severus entered. He had spent his time on the train working out the specifics on how to approach his mother about Sonaxi. He had planned their arrival to coincide with his father’s absence. He needed to talk to his mother first. She had escaped much the same fate as Sonaxi was attempting, she would understand better than any other person the desperation. Severus’ mother had chosen his father after all, rather than the gilded cage in which her own family had attempted to imprison Eileen.

It was time for tea and as he had expected his mother was standing at the hob, heating the kettle with not the fire, but her wand. It was a rare pleasure she allowed herself when his father was not home. Doing something the easy way.

“Mum?”

Eileen jumped, _she was always so jumpy_. She relaxed only after seeing the face of her beautiful boy, back home at last.

“Severus, dear child. You are home!”

She walked to him to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, finding herself surprised, not for the first time, at how tall he had grown. He was a man now, with a similar build to his father at this age. She did not like any of the ways in which her dear child reflected her husband. She wished for him to be as unlike the odious man as possible. He was turning into a brooding, surly young man, and she worried he would never find joy in life, as her husband had not. He never seemed to enjoy anything, looking at the world through a critical eye, nothing living up to his expectation. She worried he had grown tired of the world before he had ever had a chance to participate in it. She was hopeful at his enthusiastic enjoyment of magic, at least there he had something his father did not, a talent.

Severus allowed his mother to hug him, even returning the affection as best he could, by patting her on the back. He did not sustain the contact for long and pulled back and away, putting a comfortable distance between them.

“Yes, I am home. How are you?”

And in order to give himself something to do, he set about carrying the tea service himself, giving his mother no choice but to be seated at the table set against the wall of the small kitchen. He served the tea and took a seat with her. He noted that the table had only three chairs, the fourth side pushed flush against the wall. They had never needed more, they rarely had company, and never offered to host anyone else for dinner in his memory. He noted idly, somewhere now a fourth chair would have to be added.

Severus took a sip of his tea, though he preferred coffee, and watched his mother thoughtfully. On any other occasion, this would have been the extent of their conversation, they would have sat in silence and when tea was over, he would head up to his room and she would tidy up. He found himself at a loss on how to broach the topic, how does one tell ones mother that he has a girlfriend _and he wants to move her in?_

Strictly speaking, Severus and Sonaxi had never officially discussed a designation for their relationship. He tried to work out whether it was better to call her friend? The walls in the home were thin, there was no other place for her to sleep but his room, and he was sure he would be unable to abstain from her allure for long. He decided, it would be best not to mislead anyone about the nature of their relationship. 

Severus, deciding it was best to simply dive in, uncomfortably cleared his throat, “Mum?”

“Hmmm?” Eileen quirked a surprised eyebrow, unused to her son starting any conversation.

“There is a girl...”

And he explained Sonaxi’s predicament, his plan for how he would help her, her willingness to be helpful around the house hold and most importantly, that she would not be a financial burden on his parents.

Eileen immediately sympathized with the girl, but that her son was not spending his life alone would have been reason enough for her to agree to his arrangement. There was no room for her but his room upstairs and she had to accept that they were not children, they would be doing what young people do. She dismissed the discomfiting thought as soon as it entered, it was not her business.

“Very well then, let’s meet her”, she replied after hearing out her son.

Severus was taken back that it had required so little convincing, “What about Father?”

“You leave him to me”, replied Eileen conclusively.

Severus did not like that answer and he worried his father would take his ire out on her. He did not want to be the cause of her abuse. So he tried again.

“He will be cross? We will find a place of our own as soon as possible.” He had already set up the sale for the unicorn blood he collected and once the funds came in, he would have plenty to move away. He was unsure if he wanted Sonaxi with him when he finally moved out on his own, but if she was here he would take her with him.

“Do not fret child! Let me meet this girl then.”

Eileen stood up from her seat and went to the front door before her could argue again. She caught sight of long dark brown locks cascading down a girl’s back. As she pulled open the door, the girl responded to the sound by quickly standing up and turning around to face her. Eileen was caught off guard at how beautiful the girl in front of her appeared. Large brown eyes, thickly lashed and beautifully framed by a well formed brow. Round youthful cheeks, full beautiful mouth, a well defined, but not harsh jawline. The girl nervously tucked hair behind her ear and offered a nervous, radiant smile. She was taller than average, her robes fell down her body in attractive folds.

Eileen was surprised at what her son had brought home. She loved her boy, and knew he was beyond talented in his craft, but she had no delusions about his attractiveness to the opposite sex. He had inherited many of his father’s handsome qualities, sure, he was rather tall, broad shouldered, his face was shaped like his fathers, but he had also inherited her sallow complexion, hooked nose and stark coloring. He was not ugly, rather unconventionally attractive, and he would have done fine had he been blessed with charm, or a friendly demeanor, but he was not. People naturally avoided him, and he used his many qualities to reinforce their reluctance towards him. Eileen felt kindred to Sonaxi straight away, she was sure this girl must see in her son what she had seen in him. Given his naturally suspicious nature, she must have truly given him cause to trust her, so much so that he was willing to open up about his relationship in order to help her.

“Sonaxi, is it?”

“Y-yes, Mrs. Snape, so good to meet you.” She stepped up to offer her hand, but Eileen pulled her in for an embrace. Eileen was surprised at her own gesture, not particularly given to physical affection normally. Sonaxi, for her part, did not pull away, she embraced Eileen and giggled with relief.

Severus watched the exchange from afar and felt immediately anxious. Why was his mother embracing a perfect stranger? Was it just because Sonaxi is pretty and unassuming? He found himself irritated at how quickly her pretty face opened doors, at his mother’s weakness in the face of a pleasent countenance. He cast out in their direction, to get a better understanding of her thoughts, but immediately abandoned the venture when he found Sonaxi’s shields up.

_Why is she shielding?_ _Does she always shield?_ He remembered the strength of the walls she had constructed the night prior, before allowing him access to her mind. _No, this is new, she’s become stronger._ He had trouble dismissing his suspicions, but he could not tease out any alternative motives. She had told him it made her uncomfortable to share her thoughts at all times, and though he had only now accidentally violated the terms of their pledge, he did not fully blame her for not trusting him. _But still..._

He was distracted from his thoughts when Sonaxi was walked past him, into the home, by his mother.

“Dear boy, show Sonaxi the house. I am going to step out to the grocery to pick up a few items”, and left with her bag.

After the door shut, Severus and Sonaxi stood alone in his home and he watched her looking around. Refusing to feel ashamed for the state of his childhood home. She turned and looked at him expectantly.

“Well this is it then”, he said, ready to defend his home should she say anything to express her displeasure.

Instead, she smiled at him, reached a hand out and said, “Show me then.”

They stood in the front entry, which was not much more than a welcome rug and stared down a long hallway toward the out dated kitchen. Directly to the right of the hallway, running parallel, was a staircase leading up to his bedroom. To the right of that a small coat closet and on the right hand side wall his parent’s bedroom. In the middle of the hallway was a door on the left hand wall, across from the staircase, leading to the small parlor, where his father spent the majority of his time watching the telly. The house was dark and poorly managed, his mother was not the best housekeeper and his father loathed the use of magic, so the house fell into increasing disrepair year after year. He showed Sonaxi the first floor and led her up the stair to his - _their_ \- bedroom.

She followed him up the stairs and doubled back around a wall to the right, where the door to his room stood shut. He opened it and let her in first. It was a sparsely furnished room, but unexpectedly bright, being on the whole second floor, with windows in many directions. Right in front of the door was a bed with a metal head board and foot board, made up with two pillows, graying sheets and a quilt. Next to that, a wall of built in cupboards. In front of the bed was a desk and chair, and in front of that, Severus had set up a lab, in what would have been a small sitting area. On the far end of the long room was a door leading to the small loo, equipped with a standing shower.

Severus watched Sonaxi taking in her new room and worried she was disappointed, but also found himself annoyed she would be so ungrateful. He felt the need to put her in her place and remind her that he was doing her a favor.

“So”, he came closer to her, towering over her, forcing her to look up to meet his gaze, “how about you thank me now?”

Sonaxi felt uncomfortable at the indication. She desired him, but...she did not like the implication that she owed him. And yet she found herself aroused at the suggestion. She stood there untangling her feelings about his proposition, giving little response.

The night prior she had arrived so suddenly into his rooms he had been driven with an overpowering need to simply consume her. He had not had yet the opportunity to savor her charms he so longingly craved in the weeks of their separation. There within his reach were her chestnut locks cascading down her back, beckoning him to touch, caress, smell, tangle, _grab, pull_. He let out a frustrated groan which caused her to turn and face him fully.

He reached into her hair, at the base of her skull and roughly snapped her head back, exposing her throat. The movement revealed the part of her skin she had carefully covered with a full neck, bruised by his hand. He lowered his lips to kiss the tender flesh, making a mental note to give her some salve for the bruises later.

Her doubts melted away at his touch and she reached her arms under his to pull him in closer. _A game then._ She buried her face into his neck and placed a sweet kiss on the sensitive spot right behind his ears. His sharp intake of breath alerted her that she had hit her target. He snaked his free hand around her waist, pulling her hips flush to his.

They swayed like that for some time, until he had her on the bed. He had very little time to enjoy the sight of a willing girl on his boyhood room. He divested himself of his robes and undid the buckle on his belt, letting his trousers fall away and cocked an eye brow at her. She gave him a feline smile before making to reach for him, but before she could take him into her mouth, he stopped her by the shoulder.

“Clothes off.”

She flicked her eyes up, still feeling defiant, but as the dark vortex opened up the longer she resisted his command, she had no choice but to comply. She shrugged off her robes and began to unbutton her calf length dress beneath.

“Good girl”, smirked Severus.

Sonaxi bristled at this, but she could not deny the shiver running down her spine right to that place she longed to have him. She felt her cheeks inflame, but she continued her work. She managed to get her dress off and next she got to work on her bra.

“Slowly.”

Her breathing became ragged at the intense sense of both humiliation and arousal she was experiencing. She unhooked the back, and used one hand to hold the cups in place as she slipped first one strap and then the other off.

“Look at me.”

She flicked her eyes up and hot tears of frustration formed at the edges of her eyes. She felt degraded at being made to put on this show for him, but she did not want it to end. _She wanted her reward._ She let her bra fall off her voluptuous breasts, revealing her delicately up turned brown tips, erect with the evidence of her own desire.

She kept her eyes on him and leaned forward slightly to slide her knickers down the generous curve of her derriere. Then she kicked them off and sat back, placing her hands behind her, creating an arch in her back, displaying her gorgeous chest for his viewing pleasure. She waited for her next command.

He reached down and cupped one breast with with his left hand and the other he grabbed at her chin, pulling her forward, brushing his thumb against her soft lips, and gently but firmly pressing until she allowed it into her mouth. She kept her eyes on him as she suckled at his thumb, sending a thrum of arousal through his body at the image and the thought of soon having those beautiful lips wrapped around his member.

She readied herself to be searched, knowing she would have to bring her shields down and focus on the moment. She worried she had escaped with minimum detection the night prior and eventually, he would note the rather unskilled manner of evasion she was employing. It was not normal for her thoughts to shift so rapidly. He was too smart to ignore _that_ for long. She willed her mind to focus on the moment, the smell of him, clean and just a slight masculine musk built up from a day of travel, the sight of his obsidian eyes blown out with lust, the feel of his warm hand on her breast, the slightly salty taste of his thumb in her mouth, the sound..._oh the wonderful sound._..of his deep rich, full voice. The building anticipation in her belly helped keep her focused on the moment.

He gently pulled her forward by the jaw, feeding his thick manhood into her mouth. This had not been something they had done much of since that first night and she felt unsure. He again gathered the hair at the nape of her neck, and like the first time, took control of the pace. She felt just the slightest tell-tale pressure of his entering her mind and she panicked at her position, both physical and mental.

“Relax, I’ll stop if it gets to be too much”, he whispered. “Look at me.”

She tried to catch a breath between thrusts, he helped by making his movements shallow, and eventually she came to tame her panic. She flicked her dark eyes up to meet his. The sight heightened his own desire, and he momentarily lost himself in the act, forgetting for a second his other purpose...to tease out exactly why she was shielding so constantly against him.

She felt his restlessness in her mind, he was looking for something. She tried to remain mindful of the moment and her singular focus on her arousal, coupled with her ministrations on his person, finally broke his own concentration and he let it be a problem to solve for another time. She let out a sigh of relief when she sensed he had abandoned his mission.

He pulled her head off himself roughly pushed her back onto the bed.

“Spread your legs”, he told her. And she did, anticipating the fullness of having him sheathed inside her. She licked her lips, waiting for him to finally kneel between her legs and take his place, but he just stood there, lording over her, savoring the view of her wanton neediness for him. He was waiting for her to break and beg.

She lay there, engaged in the game, wanting him to break before she did. She threw her head back and ran her hands down her chest, manipulating her already erect nipples. She kept her eyes on him, biting her bottom lip, as she slithered a hand down between her soft thighs, playing with herself. His breathing became rough, but he did not cave, he would be more patient.

Her teasing only backfired and stoked the flames of her own desire until she had no choice but to finally ask, “Please, I need you.”

He let out a deep rumbling chuckle before taking a knee between her legs. “Since you asked so nicely...”

He lined himself up with her and ever so slowly tunneled his way into her sex. She let out a whimper and squirmed under him, impatient to have him fully to herself, but she knew better than to do anything but wait for him to set the rhythm.

“So patient”, he whispered, pushing the hair completely out of her face so he could see her, sending a hot chill to all the right places. He took his time getting home and she waited for him. When he was completely seated he pulled back slowly and slammed into her, a grunt falling forth from both of their lips. She could not help herself, she had to feel the full weight of him on her, she resorted to pleading again.

“Severus, please. I need to feel you against my body, please let me touch you. Please...”

He looked down at her and he was tempted to deny her request, but he could not resist her big brown eyes pleading for just a little more of him. He pressed her knees into her shoulders and put his full weight on her, burying his face in her neck, licking at her ear lobe and attaching his lips to the soft skin of her neck where he had already marked her with his hands the night prior. She gasped for air as he continued to abuse the flesh on her neck that begged for time to heal. His shallow, rough thrusts, coupled with the weight of his heated body on top of hers, slowly pushed her towards the edge. She dug her hands into his midnight locks and tried to take him deeper into her, wishing to merge their bodies into one.

He abruptly withdrew his weight off her and once again assumed a prone position above her, he pushed the index and middle finger of his left hand into her mouth, and used his right hand to manhandle her fleshy left breast, increasing his thrust he smirked down at her triumphantly, knowing he completely owned her pleasure.

“Good girl”, he said, his kind words contradicted by the accompanying condescending tone. It was her undoing. Her eyes rolled up into her head, the first convulsions of her orgasm over took her body and blanked her mind. Had he wanted to search her mind right then, she was powerless to deter his efforts. Fortunately, he was too caught up in his own mounting pleasure and he could think of nothing else but the payoff in the end of withdrawing from her body, as his seed languidly seeped out of her. The memory of that image over time was just the push he needed to let go, the increasingly tight knot in his stomach finally releasing burst after burst of pleasure into her warm nubile body.

He fell to the side of her, pulling her onto his chest, kissing the top of her dark head and hoarsely declared, “Welcome home.”

She drifted off into a deep slumber, wondering if this was true happiness?


End file.
